Fragile Journey
by hayleynymphadora
Summary: A sequel to "Fragile Reunion". Shelby and Cassie Corcoran-July and their daughter Rachel prepare for some time off after the trial and with the music school semester behind them. They just have to get through their KinderMusik students' end of the year concert. The day before the program, Cassie gets an unexpected phone call that changes their plans completely.
1. Unexpected News

**We are back and very excited to share the next story in the Fragile Universe. It takes place right after "Fragile Reunion". If you have not read "Fragile Reunion" you might want to do that first or things won't make much sense to you. At some points, particularly in the beginning here, you might want to keep the Kleenex box nearby. Fragile Reunion started in the month** **of December, so it seems fitting we launch this new story around that same time period. This story promises to be full of love, family, angst, music and drama because we love all those things. All our favorite characters and couples will be back with a new character added we hope you love. We both are excited to be introducing her. Thanks for your support of our writing and this story. Please feed our muses and share your comments with us. Now, without further ado, "Fragile Journey"**

 **Love always, Keeperofwords and Hayley**

 **Fragile Journey**

 **Chapter One: "Unexpected News"**

Shelby was very careful with how she treated her youngest of students. They were so excited about the upcoming _Kindermusik: Spring into Summer_ concert the next day. Though excited young divas could be quite the handful, Shelby was okay to deal with them. It was their parents who were driving her up the wall. But she was a professional. She knew how to direct difficult people of all ages and personalities on the stage and off and prided herself in staying on task and doing her job.

Watching as her lover got into a police car with Stef was making Shelby want to drop everything she was doing. She and Cass had been through a number of crazy, hairbrain situations in their lives. Working in foreign countries with foreign cultures had caused some missteps a few times. Cass had a special way of putting her foot in her mouth with her sarcasm. It had offended an older couple in a German McDonalds once. Shelby smirked for a moment when that memory came to mind, but it quickly dissipated. This wasn't the time.

Shelby could not think for the life of her what in the world Cassie could have done. Hell, they were prim and proper citizens of little Lima, Ohio. They even avoided parking tickets, (though admittedly thanks to Stef, at times) and the town was too small to speed. Shelby looked around for any adults that she could oversee dismissing the kids for the day. Rehearsal was basically over, anyways. Rachel and Natalie had walked across the park for ice cream and for that Shelby was thankful, because the singer had no idea how Rachel would have reacted to seeing Stef put Cass in that police car.

Rachel still was tentative with Stef compared to the other adults in their circle of friends. That would have just been the icing on the cake.

 _And speaking of circle of friends_ , Shelby smiled at a familiar face coming towards her. Her mocha-toned skin was shimmering with her favorite summer body spray, and she was wearing a long, turquoise skirt.

"Lena," Shelby greeted her friend with a nod as she scanned the park and counted the little heads left. She really wanted to get to the police station so she could find out what the hell was going on. "How are you? You're here for Mariana, right? She has been a real help with the costumes," Shelby forced herself to stay in work mode. What the singer wanted to ask was " _Why in the hell is your wife taking my wife in to the station?"_

"Stef called me an hour ago and asked when you were wrapping up rehearsal," Lena answered easily, giving the singer a soft smile.

Shelby wanted to ask, " _Why?"_ but instead she only answered, "Oh?" _Do you know what's going on?_ Her internal monologue refused to stop. Forcing herself to swallow, she said aloud, "Stef was just here. She came and got Cass and they went off in the police car." Shelby bit her lip as she threw a quick glance at the police station about three blocks down the street. "Why was my wife forced into a police car?" she couldn't keep the questions inside anymore, and she knew that Lena was good at reading people so her act was up. Her tension was obvious and she knew it.

"Good, I'm glad she found her. The station got a phone call this morning out of New Jersey," Lena volunteered some sort of answer. "They were anxious to get in touch with Cass and asked for the department's help."

Shelby exhaled a breath she didn't know she was holding. Though curious about the phone call, she was more than relieved it was something as simple as that. The idea of having to get Holly to get Cassie out of jail had not been a pleasant thought. Now Shelby could just be curious about the nature of the call. Still, this was troubling.

 _What's in New Jersey? Think._ A pause. _Cassie's hometown. Dear god…_

"Want me to wrap things up here for you?" Lena asked, observing Shelby and how she seemed distracted with looking up the street every few seconds. The singer's lip was nearly raw from biting at it and her posture was anything but casual. "There are only a few kids left. Then I can go take Mariana to get ice cream. I saw the girls in there eating a banana split. They might be awhile."

Shelby's phone rang before she could answer Lena's question. She fished it out of her back pocket immediately, holding her finger up to Lena in apology, asking her to wait a moment while she looked at the screen to see who it was.

"It's Holly, " She told Lena, her heart racing. "I need to take this...Is she okay?" her question was blunt and she asked it as soon as she answered, not bothering with specifics. Somehow Shelby just knew that wherever Cass was, Holly would be with her. The singer realized she had not even greeted her friend or said hello, but she knew that Holly would overlook her abruptness. Shelby impatiently tapped her foot, waiting for a response.

 _To hell with this_ , Shelby thought. _I am not just going to stand here and wait to be told what is going on. Lena's here, I need to be with my wife._

"She needs me," Shelby nodded, speaking out loud for Lena to hear. "I'm on my way. Lena is here." The singer thrust her clipboard into Lena's arms; it had the names of the children still needing to be picked up. Kicking off her shoes, Shelby sprinted down the sidewalk barefoot.. By the time she got in her car and drove she could already be there, and Stef probably would have just given her a ticket anyways because she wouldn't have taken the time to park in a designated spot.

 _What the hell have we gotten ourselves into now?_ Shelby couldn't help but wonder, feeling defeated. As soon as one thing ended another thing came up.

. . .

Cassandra, her face red and blotchy from her break down on Holly's shoulder, slowly made her way out the front door of the station, feeling uneasy and overwhelmed. Holly was right behind her, a hand on her back as she led her best friend forward.

"Take it easy, babes," Holly said to her, noticing how pale the woman looked. She glanced up for a minute, immediately blinded by the sweltering sun. Since Cass had been out in the elements all day and she'd just finished sobbing, she probably needed to rehydrate. Rubbing Cassie's back steadily, she said, "I'm going to go grab you a water, okay? Don't go anywhere fast."

Nodding but not really listening, Cass took another small step forward and put a hand to her mouth immediately, feeling nauseous out of the blue. She thought she saw Shelby walking towards her but she didn't have a second to stop and think about whether or not this was true or a mirage. She turned to the side of her and lost her lunch in the bushes, leaning against the side of the building for support.

She cringed when she stood straight again, her hand covering her mouth in deep thought and embarrassment. Holly made it back and pressed her lips together tightly once she realized what had happened.

"Oh, Cassie…" she said softly, unscrewing the cap of the water so Cass could at least rinse off her hand a little bit before getting a drink.

"I'm...sorry…" Cass winced, flicking the excess water off of her hand and rinsing her mouth out, grateful. She still felt sort of sick, but it seemed like the initial wave of shock was over, at least. Her head was throbbing, though, and when she finally looked up again she realized it really had been Shelby walking towards her. _Shelby. Oh gods, how do I even start to explain this to Shelby...Sorry babe, I have to leave for New Jersey for a few days...have fun with the concert?! Oh, and by the way, I might be bringing back ANOTHER kid...Jesus Christ what is my life…_ Cassie closed her eyes to keep her head from spinning. _You need to pull your shit together, July. You have responsibilities to tend to. Get with it._

"Shelby," she opened her eyes and greeted her wife, who was now standing right in front of her, panting slightly.

"Cass, there you are. What the hell is going on?" Shelby questioned, her question seemed frantic though her tone was calm. In control. Ready to take on the world.

 _That's a good attitude to have. I hope she stays that way. One of us needs to._

"Sweetheart?" Shelby changed her tone, leaning in close to Cass and speaking in almost a whisper. "I'm here." her words were simple and she leaned forward, pressing a kiss to her wife's forehead. Shelby did not like how pale Cass's face looked, and if she hadn't known better, she would have thought the woman was fighting a bad case of the flu. Cass was deathly pale, clammy, and showing all the basic signs of being in shock. She also looked as though her feet were going to fall out from under her. Putting an arm around Cassie's waist, Shelby guided her over to a bench underneath one of the oldest trees in Lima, Ohio. Holly quietly followed, saying nothing but keeping ahold of her other side. If the dancer fainted, the two of them would be able to keep her upright.

"Shelby… I don't know if I want to talk about this here…Can you take me home?" Cassie's voice was tired, trembling, and weak. Shelby knew that whatever just happened was severely taking its toll on her. She needed to lie down and rest, but Shelby was feeling desperate for information. Holly shot Shelby a reassuring nod.

" _She's okay."_ Holly mouthed. " _Just big news."_

 _Big news like what?!_ Shelby wanted to pull her hair out. Instead, she rubbed Cassie's arm softly. "Of course I can take you home, sweetheart. Let me text Lena real quick and ask her to bring Rachel home whenever they're done down the street…"

The two women hovered over Cass as they walked her back to the park and guided her into the passenger seat of Shelby's car. Shelby hoped Cassie was okay enough to not throw up in her new ride, but chastised herself quickly. There were more important things. In the grand scheme of everything, it was just a car. She started it and cranked up the A/C as soon as she could, hoping the cool air would be good for Cassie.

"I'll meet you over at the mansion," Holly spoke more to Shelby than to Cass as she buckled her best friend into the front seat. "I'm going to call into the office and clear my schedule for a few days...I'll ask my assistant to check into Jersey flights for us..."

Shelby nodded, grateful that Holly was their backbone, as always, just like back in New York when she had been their assistant. The blonde lawyer was always six steps ahead of everyone, even Shelby the Planner. Shelby was curious as to why Holly needed to check into Jersey flights, but she figured for some reason or another they would have to end up going there to sort something out.

 _Ugh, but what about the show?_ A billion questions whizzed through Shelby's head and she was more than thankful that Holly at least had an idea how to start working through whatever newest curveball had been thrown at them.

"Thank you," Shelby whispered, her bare feet burning on the pavement as she moved from the driver's side to stand beside Hol. "See you soon?" She wasn't sure anymore about Holly's schedule or when she planned to show up to the mansion. It was not officially the end of business hours yet, but it was obvious that some changes were about to be made.

Hol nodded and kissed Shelby's temple.

As Shelby started driving she bit her lip, waiting for Cassie to tell her something. Anything. Her wife took a deep breath, let it out slowly, took in another one, and spoke.

"I have a baby sister,"

"A _baby_ sister?" Shelby sounded doubtful. "How the-"

"I don't know. My parents weren't _that_ old, I guess…"

"Okay…?" Shelby filed the information in her head. "What else? Is there something else?"

Cassie took another breath. It seemed like she was laboring over each one. "And my father is dead. And my mother might as well be. And I'm my baby sister's legal guardian now. Well. They're assuming. My name was forged on papers. But they're kind of talking like there's a living will..."

Shelby's head started to spin, more questions forming the more she learned. _What happened to her parents? Why does that make her guardian, does the baby have no other family? How is she automatically being called guardian if both parents aren't even dead? I guess that would be the living will… Do we have to go to Jersey right away, then? Who's going to direct the show?_

"Holly and I have to go to New Jersey to sort everything out. There's...a good chance I'm the only person this baby girl has in the world…" Cassie took a sip of water before continuing, her face stoic, her tone monotonous. Drained. "I..I don't know what else to do besides take her with me if that's the case, Shelby...I know it's something we need to talk about but-"

"Absolutely not. If your sister needs parents you bring her home to us. Not a question."

"That's such a big decision to make, shouldn't we take a minute to-"

"Breathe? Is there such a thing when it comes to us?" Shelby turned the A/C up more, feeling flushed and sweating nervously.

A pause. "I guess not," Cass sounded defeated. "I need a drink." she decided.

"You need some rest." Shelby shot back, worriedly. She knew how Cass could get alcohol. "Especially if we're going to…" Shelby stopped mid-sentence as she pulled into the driveway of the mansion, turning the car off and pushing her hair out of her face. "You said that you and Holly had to go to Jersey. You didn't say I was going with you." She turned to look at her wife, biting at her cheek. "You can't be serious, Cassandra," her voice held a tone of warning but Cassie cut her off.

"Shelby, please, someone has to stay home and direct the show," Cassie sighed.

"Don't you take that tone with me, Cassie," Shelby warned. "You expect me to just stay home and watch from the sidelines? Absolutely not."

"Oh, so what, you're going to cancel another show? Don't you think our students have suffered enough this year from our lack of teaching and lack of showing up? I'm surprised our parents have even paid us for the season. Our job can't be thrown to the side just because our lives get hard, that isn't fair to the kids. They've worked hard for this-"

"They're four," Shelby rolled her eyes.

"Well if you want to be the one to make a group of four year olds cry, Shelby, more power to you." Cassie snapped, clearly just upset because she was on edge. Shelby knew this, but she couldn't help but feel stressed out, too. It seemed that life liked throwing stones at them. Particularly this past year. "Look," Cassie spoke up again. "I'm sorry. I'm overwhelmed. I didn't mean-"

"I know," Shelby whispered, running her hand through her hair again. It felt greasy from the long day of work and she felt on edge. "Let's just...let's get inside."

While Shelby wanted to do nothing more than run her wife a bath and pamper her the remainder of the day and night, she led her to the couch instead. After settling Cass down, she walked to the hall and checked the thermostat. All the heat ever did was put them on edge, and the humidity wasn't helping anything.

"I'm going to get you some water," Shelby informed her wife, feeling at ease falling into the role to take care of everybody. This situation was unnerving but she wasn't about to tell Cass that. _A baby? I didn't even take Home Economics in High School….We're good enough at teaching kids, but to raise a baby….can we do this?_ Shelby thought to herself, trying to keep it together. She needed to help Cassie, and deal with her own shit about the implications of this surprise revelation later. Opening the fridge, Shelby found herself calming down enough to think clearly. Of course she couldn't just cancel the KinderMusik Program. In her mind she saw fifteen four-year-old Rachel's pouting at her with watery brown eyes. _Nope, that's not happening. And you can't clone yourself, so you're going to have to get your ass in gear and take each day one step at a time._

"You're right, love," Shelby said to her wife, handing her another bottle of water before sitting on the couch beside her and curling her legs around herself. She reached out her left arm and put it on the back of the couch, playing with Cassie's hair as she elaborated. "I walked into the kitchen and suddenly I saw a class full of four-year-old Rachels in tears because their hopes of a big debut on stage were swept away by teachers taking some personal time off." She let out a heavy sigh. "Are you okay to go with Holly alone, first?"

Cassandra shrugged. "Do I have a choice?"

Shelby answered with a question, "...What are we going to tell Rachel?" her voice was tentative.

Another shrug. "Shelby, I don't even know what I'm going to do, let alone what I'm going to tell Rachel."

"Sorry," Shelby whispered. "I know it's a lot." She shifted on the couch so that she was facing Cassie. "Look. Rachel is a smart kid, and very adaptive to change. She might not understand why you are going, but she loves you and will do all that she can to support you. And you know she'll be upset to hear that your baby sister is all alone, in a city with no family to care for her."

 _She is pretty good with the little ones_ … Cass thought to herself, rolling her shoulders to ease her tight muscles. "Can you imagine her as a big sister?" she voiced out loud. The idea both amused and terrified her.

Shelby smiled at the thought of her daughter having a younger sibling. Rachel was thriving now after these few months with Cass and herself. Shelby had never considered that she and her wife would have another child in the house...honestly, it had never even crossed her mind. Their lives were busy, full, complete, and wonderful already. Shelby didn't have any idea, personally, what it was like to have a sibling. Cassie did, however, and Shelby knew how much Monica meant to her. It would be good for Rachel, and if there was a Baby "July" out there and she was alone, there was no question in Shelby's mind they would open their home and hearts to her. That idea settled in her mind, she decided a more complete picture was needed to understand why this baby was alone.

"Cass, honey," Shelby started, her voice soft. She rubbed her wife's thigh comfortingly as she talked. "Why is your baby sister alone?" Before Cass could even reply, she asked a follow-up question. " You said your father is dead...How is your mother?"

"Well," Cass nearly growled, "My dad is rotting in hell, though it's 25 years too late. Monica would have loved another sister..." Cassie's voice fell off, in thought. "Funny thing, Shelby," Cass glanced over at her wife, her best friend. She knew she needed to tone it down-taking her emotions out on Shelby wasn't going to fix anything. "I should feel overjoyed that he is gone...but I just don't feel anything. I'm numb."

Unsure how to respond to that, Shelby asked what was on her mind for what she hoped would be the last time. But Cassie had yet to answer her about it, "So, what about your mother? The authorities called _you…._ so that means your mother is hurt? " Shelby hated that there was no way to be gentle about the subject. This whole situation was surreal and unbelievable. It was just like some soap opera, or a Hallmark movie.

Cass wet her lips and sighed. "You know I detested my mother," she started bluntly. "That hasn't changed, even though she's lying on her deathbed." she glanced up at her wife, demons in her eyes. "Does that make me a bad person, Shelby?"

Shelby's lower lip pouted and she moved to pull Cass into her chest. "No, sweetheart… Of course it doesn't…"

"She just...was a terrible person," Cass sucked the inside, fighting back tears. This situation was so raw, and stressful. She wasn't sure how she was supposed to be feeling, but she was pretty sure the way she was actually feeling wasn't right.

"Was?" Shelby prompted, not trying to make things worse, but wanting to try to tap into Cassandra's head. The more she knew the more she could do to help Cass.

"She's in a coma…" Cassie picked at her fingers and then pulled her arms and into her chest, feeling small. "They were in a car wreck. The baby is okay. I don't think my mother's going to make it out though. And i'm not even sure i'm upset about that...What does that make me?"

"Human," Shelby answered simply. She caressed her lover's face, soothingly. "Cassie, they hurt you. They hurt you badly. Of course you don't feel remorseful or upset over their death, it's probably a relief to you, and that's understandable."

Cassandra shook her head, her eyes red and puffy. "It's not a relief, it's not upsetting, it's not anything…"

"You're in shock, honey," Shelby ran a hand through Cassie's hair. It was sweaty and tangled, but Shelby didn't mind.

"I am glad about one thing though," Cass said just as she heard the front door opening. She looked up to see Holly walking into the hall from the kitchen. "I am glad my baby sister doesn't have to grow up living in that house being raised by those two _evil_ human beings." Cass stood, abruptly, and started to pace. "Damn, and i'm glad my baby sister won't have any memories of their sorry asses because I carry enough of those memories for the both of us."

"You just are glad you don't have to pay my fee to fight them for custody," Holly quipped with a small smile in an attempt to get her to relax. She peeled off her suit jacket and kicked off her shoes before flinging herself on the couch beside her two friends. "Shit," she groaned. "I could have gotten enough out of you for a good down payment on my house next door."

"I owe you nothing you ungrateful bitch," Cass sassed back, smirking at Holly's way of calming her down with banter. "I basically paid for your tuition through law school, _and_ gave you a foot in the door to social circles most lawyers would kill to be introduced into."

"Yeah, Yeah," Holly waved her hand, leaning over to kiss her friend's cheek. "I spent time schmoozing your personal trainer, your dry cleaner, you and Shelby's drivers, _and_ the cleaning staff of your apartment."

Cass couldn't think of a quick comeback for that. It was true, Holly had basically kept her and Shelby's lives running, and not just through college. Holly had been so valuable and probably kept Cass's relationship with Shelby from suffering irreparable damage more than once. Shelby and Cassie's life together had been so hectic and busy with work, Holly reminded Cass of the important dates the two shared, as well as sent flowers for her during Shelby's run in shows.

"Thank you," Cassie spoke in a strong, heartfelt voice, leaning her head on Holly's shoulder. "I can't begin to pay you back for all you did and still do for me, for Shelby, for Rachel and now, now….now _this_."

Holly's eyes teared up and she nodded silently in understanding, "I love you, Cass. I love you too, Shelby, and I love being Rachel's Aunt Holly." Holly reached down to the floor where her briefcase was and clicked the latch. "I stopped into the office and had my assistant acquire something for you." She pulled out a file folder and opened it. "Cass, Shelby...this is Cadence July."

Cass sucked in a breath. The baby girl was beautiful. She looked like a porcelain baby doll, with bright, dazzling blue eyes and locks of ash blonde hair. A spitting image of Monica Elizabeth July. Tears splashed against the inner wall that Cassie was trying hard to keep up. "Monica…" she whispered, barely audible, but enough for Shelby and Holly to catch. "She...she looks just like Monica…"

"I know she does, Cassie," Holly whispered, feeling terrible.

Shelby pulled her wife close again. "Oh, honey…" she was lost for words. What was she supposed to say in this situation? Sorry your sister looks like your other sister? Sorry your sister is most likely about to be your daughter? The entire thing seemed bizarre- just bizarre enough to make sense, the way their lives were.

"She doesn't have a middle name," Cass noted, continuing to flip through the file.

Holly shook her head. "I don't know why they didn't give her one, but if you are granted custody, you'll be allowed to."

Alarm washed through Cass. Holly used the word "if". _If_ she was granted custody. There was no way in hell her baby sister was staying in New Jersey. Hell, if she was not given to some half bigot third cousin twice removed, Cadence would be thrown into foster care. Cassie refused to let that happen.

"Holly, she belongs with us," Cassie implored her best friend in a quiet, shy voice. "I have to get custody. I just have to."

"Holly, what do we need to do?" Shelby asked their lawyer. "Cassie's mother is still alive, but if she is gravely ill and it's only a matter of time…" the singer couldn't finish the sentence. Cass and Holly both knew what she was trying to say, anyways.

"We need to see the will," Holly told the couple, "I have already reached out to the lawyer. Cass, you and I have an appointment with him at 3:00 tomorrow. I also need to know if your mother has a living will and what her wishes were for end-of-life care. If she has a living will, this process will be much easier."

Cassie nodded, taking the information in. _Gods, she better have a living will...please don't make me have to pull the plug on my own mother...Jesus Christ…_

Hol kissed the top of Cassie's head. "You need to pack and get some sleep. Lena will be back here with Rachel, soon. Our flight leaves early and you need to rest. Shelby, I've got your ticket, too. You leave at 10:30 tomorrow night. Stef is driving you to the airport in Columbus. Rachel is staying with April and Natalie…." she took a breath. "I know this is a lot to take in."

Cassie scoffed as if to say, " _You're telling me",_ and nodded in understanding. "Yeah. I'll get to packing, I guess."

Holly got off the couch and crouched down in front of her best friends. Cass was looking at her hands, and Holly needed her direct attention, as well as Shelby's. "July," Holly cupped the woman's chin so they were looking eye to eye. "This is a one day at a time situation, but for now, let's take this one _hour_ at a time. We have an objective, and I am going to do all in my power for us to have your baby sister sleeping in the mansion, with you having full custody as soon as possible. Even though that situation will be overwhelming, too, it's our goal and I need you to focus. Stay on task. No drinking as coping skills." Cassie rolled her eyes and Holly's grip on her tightened. "I mean it, Cassandra. I need you at your best and all eyes will be on us. We need to show you are capable of guardianship and that it will be a good fit. Besides, you know how fans and paparazzi get on the east coast. Prepare yourself for that."

Hol shot Shelby a look that screamed, " _Watch her, tonight,"_ before kissing the top of her head, too. "You, too, honey bunch. We're going to get through this like we do everything else, and I know you're both in shock but I also need you both here, with me, okay?"

Cassie had a tendency to over-drink in situations like this, and she needed to be sober and in her right mind for what they were about to encounter the next day. Shelby, when she was in shock, became introverted and quiet. Holly couldn't have that happening right now, either, as bad as that made her feel. Luckily, her friends knew she wasn't being heartless. Just practical.

"Get some rest," Holly addressed Shelby. "Oh, and show Rachel the picture when you tell her. I think it will help her accept this. You know she doesn't do well with "new", but I think she'll understand. And it might be easier for her if she has a face to go with it. She needs to know why Cassie has to leave and she needs to believe that she'll come back."

The women nodded and Cassie sighed, standing and stretching before dropping the file on the kitchen table and heading to the cupboard to get a glass. Shelby and Holly looked at her sternly and she rolled her eyes, widening them for emphasis as she filled the glass with tap water instead of merlot. This was going to be a long night.


	2. Intimate Reassurance

**Keeperofwords here: A huge thank you for those of you who have joined my co-author and I by reading and following "Fragile Journey". It does my heart proud to see the comments, follows and those of you who read chapter one. Here is chapter two. It has been written, polished, edited, revised and it is finally ready to share. Chapter three is in the wings too by the way. Thanks again for your support**

 **Hayley here: We had a hell of a time with this chapter, haha, so we hope you enjoy it! It amazes us sometimes how much work is put into even just one little chapter, but the work is so rewarding and we love it all the same. Thanks to all of you, as my co-author said, for following, reviewing, and liking our story! Your support means the world to us. XO**

 **Chapter 2: "Intimate Reassurance"**

Smooth, strong legs wrapped tightly around Cassandra's waist. Shelby's arms clasped around Cassandra's neck, and the blonde let herself float. She knew she didn't have time for this. She had a plane to catch in five hours and they had an hour to drive to Columbus, but Cass had convinced Shelby that she needed her wife just as much as she needed to pack her damn suitcase. Shelby's hands were a gift from the heavens, the way they touched her just so and made her body warm when she felt so damn cold. The cold rush she had experienced in the police department had not waned until the first orgasm, riding the plateau that came after she felt all that was her beloved Shelby giving to her and loving her. Only with Shelby could she be so submissive. Shelby was here. Shelby was taking care of her. Shelby was loving her and filling her with the fortitude she would need in the hours and days ahead.

Cassie felt her body hum and she gasped with pleasure when Shelby's knee went to her core. Her heels slid, tense against their silk sheets.

"I love you, baby," Shelby whispered between kisses to Cassie's neck.

"I love you, too," Cassie whispered, grateful for the intimate distraction. "I'm sorry I have to leave. I'm sorry that—"

"Shh," Shelby kissed her neck softly, her teeth pulling every so often. "You never need to apologize to me. We'll do what we need to do. For now?" Her lips lingered at Cassie's earlobe. "Take a moment and let yourself relax. You're thinking too much."

Cass sucked in another adoring breath at the feel of Shelby's lips to her collar bone, her breast bone, her lower abs.

"Shelby…" the name drifted off her lips and she closed her eyes, doing what she was told. But not being one to only receive, Cass abruptly rolled over. She stretched her frame upwards so she and her wife were eye to eye. "I want to get on that plane smelling you on my fingers."

"Ohh, Holly will love that," Shelby groaned sarcastically, opening her legs and inviting Cassie's touch. Her breath hitched as Cassie's index finger felt her sweet spot. Shelby had needed this just as much as Cassie. Part of her heart was getting on that plane in a few hours and she would be helpless when it came to supporting her. While she had been gentle with Cass originally, the dancer wanted nothing to do with gentle. Shelby was okay with that; she needed that fire. She needed that power and lust. It would be the only damn thing that would get her through that damn Kindermusik Spring to Summer Program the next day. It was her job and she knew that. Just like on Broadway, the show had to go on and Shelby would manage to push through it. Just like Cass would push forward with the unknown.

They laid together, breathless and blissful.

"I don't want to go," Cassie admitted once they had taken a minute to calm themselves down. She stretched out her body to ease some of the tension and shivered as Shelby trailed her fingers down Cassie's stomach, lightly.

"I know," Shelby sighed in response. "But you have to." she turned her head to look into her wife's eyes. "And it's time to face the music. Rachel will be home soon."

Cassie rolled her eyes, but nodded, knowing she had been milking out borrowed time as it was. She sat up and pulled her body to the edge of the bed. Shelby sat up on her knees and placed kisses to the back of Cassie's neck. "Go take a shower," Shelby prompted. "I'll start getting dinner ready."

The blonde was silent but acknowledged Shelby, caressing her face softly. She would take time in the shower to figure out what she was going to say to Rachel.

. . .

Rachel had not really wanted any ice cream. She had seen Stef take Mama away in the police car. Her stomach felt funny and her palms were sweaty. Worry bubbled up from her stomach and all those fears of the police came flooding back into her mind. Lena said that Mama was not in jail, but Rachel didn't know what to believe because Mommy had run off to the police station. Rachel's guard went up the moment Lena started trying to reassure her. Lena was the one who tried to keep her from her Mama that one time before when Mama got upset about her family when she was a kid.

When she got home, she found that her Mommy was in the kitchen making dinner and boiling water for tea, and Mama was sitting in the living room with her laptop, typing something up vigorously. _Probably an email or something for work,_ Rachel figured to herself. She ran over to the couch and sat down next to Cassie, ready to ask all the questions she'd been thinking about all day, ever since her mothers had left the rehearsal.

"Mama, Mama!" Rachel scooted herself as close as she could to Cassie, flinging her arms around the woman in a tight hug. Cass moved to set her laptop down on the coffee table so it wouldn't get knocked over. "I thought you were arrested! I saw Stef put you in the police car, but I didn't see if you had the handcuffs on or not….did you do something wrong?" her question was innocent, but Cassie could tell by the look in her eyes that she was genuinely concerned that Cass had been in trouble with the law.

 _No, but that'd probably be easier emotionally than whatever's about to happen…_ Cass thought to herself, wetting her lips to prepare for the question avalanche she was sure was about to tumble out of Rachel's head. It surprised Cass that instead of questions, Rachel proceeded to wrap herself around her little a Koala bear. It so much reminded Cass of Shelby when she was upset. Cass found herself treating her mini Shelby like her mother. She wrapped both arms around her back and rubbed it gently. Kissing Rachel's dark hair, Cass whispered, "I'm here with you, little star. I was not taken to the police station because I did anything wrong. There were some people looking for me and when they couldn't reach me because we all were at practice for tomorrow, they called the police to find me. Mama is not in trouble."

Cass could feel Rachel's head nod from where it was tucked under her chin. Rachel's hands reached up to play with her Mama's blonde hair, keeping her head tucked and her gaze down. She wanted to know why, and who was trying to get ahold of her. Rachel would never have asked the Reverend a question about anything ever, but she knew things with her mommy and mama were different.

"What was it that they wanted you for? It must be important for them to have Stef come get you and not wait until practice was over?"

Cass took a breath, deciding how she wanted to word this even though she'd gone over it four times in the shower. "Rachel. Do you remember how I told you my father was a bad man, like the Reverend?"

Remembering, Rachel gave a little nod.

"He's gone, now. And the doctor's are saying my mother is dying. She is not going to get better. They were in an accident. Before the accident, they had another baby, a baby girl named Cadence. That little baby is my sister, and she was in the accident with them. It's rare that people have kids so far apart in age. But it can happen."

It was a lot to take in and Cass was trying to give the littlest amount of detail possible, but it was hard. Rachel deserved to understand why her life was about to change, after all.

"They were in an accident?" Rachel's voice broke making sure she heard right. She was sad for her Mama.

"There was an accident and my baby sister was with them," Cassie told her again. "My little sister survived the accident, and she needs someone to take care of her now. I'm the only person besides the adoption people that is able to do that."

"She's alone?" Rachel questioned, her heart breaking for her Mama's little sister. Cass nodded without speaking, letting Rachel process things. The dancer wanted to be honest with her daughter, but there were things best left unsaid. "And you are going to get her and then come back? You are coming back, right?"

Cass hated that Rachel had these thoughts and fears but she did understand. Her fathers had left her at a young age. She had been in the foster care system and this was the first stable home she'd been in with people that loved her. Of course she would worry she was not good enough or she would be abandoned by someone she loved.

"I'm coming back," Cassie assured Rachel, gathering her in her arms. Rachel, like Shelby, needed a physical presence and assurance to fully comprehend something, not just words. "How could I not come back to you and Mommy? And yes, I believe I am bringing her back."

. . .

Dinner was quieter than usual. None of the three really being hungry. Knowing Rachel needed to stick to a routine, the couple went through the motions of bathtime, story and tucking into bed. .

"I'm scared, Shelby." Cassie's voice was low, somber as they sat in the bedroom a few hours later, tired after another round of intimacy and reassurance. "I don't know what to do."

"Yes, you do," Shelby's voice was soft. "You're going to bring your little sister home and we're going to raise her together."

Cassie sat up, pulling her hair into a bun at the top of her head, a mess of blonde waves and sweat. "You say that like it's so simple."

Shelby shrugged, her tone careful. "It is, love. You can't put her in the system, you know the guilt would eat you alive…"

"We aren't equipped to raise a baby, Shelby, we don't know the first thing about it," Cass was getting anxious again and Shelby could tell. But sex couldn't be used as a distraction forever. Even if it did help to ease her mind.

"So we'll learn, Cassandra," Shelby had walked across the room to throw on an oversized shirt before sitting back down on the bed, directly in front of her wife. "Just like we learned how to be mothers to Rachel."

There was another silent pause.

"Did we learn how to be mothers to Rachel? I mean we're still learning…" Cass rolled her eyes. "I don't know what to do about my mother, either. I hate her for what she did. But she's my mother, and I think her life is in my hands..." Cass's voice quivered and she glanced up at Shelby with worried, tired eyes.

"What would you do if it was Monica lying in that bed?" Shelby asked bluntly, slipping into the bathroom to get her hair brush.

 _Candid, Corcoran. As always..._ Cass let out a heavy breath, knowing Shelby had a point. _Would you have let your sister lay there as a vegetable if she had not died instantly after that fall down the stairs?_

"I would turn off the machines. Let her go," Cass answered without a second thought. It still amazed the blonde how her wife's mind worked sometimes-how Shelby could get her to look at things. They were a good pair. They complemented each other perfectly, and their mutual friends and acquaintances had thought so from the start, too. Cassie knew with confidence that Shelby would be her number one supporter in this. "Would you do so if it was Dee? " Cass countered back, really wanting to know Shelby's feelings on the subject. Shelby had her back to her and was rifling through her dresser drawer for something. She placed a tiny box on the top of it before turning back to look at her wife.

Hands on her hips, Shelby answered her lover's question. Cass's heart clinched because a single tear was tracking down Shelby's cheek. "I would turn off the machines and let her pass as easily as possible."

Still naked, save for that oversized shirt, Shelby moved to sit down beside Cass once more, needing the dancer's arms around her. Cass was happy to oblige as she pulled her onto her lap and they sat propped against their pillows. "It would break my heart. It would break into hundreds of pieces. But it would break into a million if I had to watch my daughter or aunt just lying there, not dead but not alive. I would die a little each day. It would destroy me, Cass."

Cass nodded in understanding, knowing it would destroy her, too. Although her relationship with her mother was complicated, she knew what she had to do.

Wanting to lay off the subject again and feeling the weight of the situation pushing on her chest, Cassie leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her wife's lips, feeling Shelby's skin slide up against the most sensitive parts of her.

"I want you with me," Cass whispered. "I don't want to do this on my own."

"And you won't be alone," Shelby reassured her, moving to get off the bed and walking over to the dresser again. Cass pouted at Shelby's sudden absence, but Shelby put up a finger, picking up a small grey box and carrying it to the bed. "I was going to give this to you when we celebrated your birthday. But I want you to have it now."

Cass took the box in her hand, curious especially because of the careful way it had been carried to her. She sat there for a moment,, simply staring until Shelby prompted her.

"Open it, Cassandra," she nodded, sitting in front of Cass so she could see her response.

With a tender hand, Cass flipped it open and let out a small gasp.

"Shelby…it's...stunning…" a simple silver necklace was shaped as an infinity sign on a plain silver chain. Shelby's birthstone, emerald, was embedded in one side of the symbol. Rachel's, turquoise, resided on the other side.

"And we'll both be with you, even though this is something you have to do alone for a little while..."

"No, you're right. I won't be alone," Cass spoke with a much stronger voice. She lifted the necklace out of the box and kissed the infinity sign. "Put it on me, please? And then help me pack?"

"Of course, darling," Shelby told her, gently brushing blonde hair to the side to work the clasp and snap it. "Holly will be here in four hours. I already threatened her twice, she's not to let you out of her sight until I get there on the red-eye after the performance. Rachel will stay with April and she will be kept occupied with school work until we come back."

Cass nodded, liking that Shelby going over things with her. Her mind was all frazzled and an awareness of the definitive was important to her at the time. Thank god she had Shelby to help pack her bags, too. She knew she'd forget all kinds of things if she tried to do it on her own. Besides, the view she currently had of her wife was that of miracles.

"If you are going to bend over and pack my suitcase, put some panties on, woman. Otherwise I won't be held responsible for my actions. And while you are packing, I am going to go pick up those black panties of yours off of the bathroom floor. They are going with me to Jersey." her flirtatious attitude was a coping mechanism just like drinking often was, this Shelby knew. But at least this was the healthier alternative.

Once more, Cassandra July had left her speechless. Cass wanted the panties she had taken off during their before dinner interlude that she had so skillfully taken off with her teeth. Shelby blushed in spite of herself. She heard her lovers laugh and she blushed harder.

"Then I get to keep that thong you put on this morning. You know, the one you insisted on wearing so you wouldn't chafe in the heat of the park," Shelby countered back with a wink, throwing Cass a camisole and panties to put on. The sound of the child monitor went off just as the suitcase was zipped shut.

"Maaaaaaammmmmmaaaaa!"

"Go, she wants you," Shelby told her lover. "Bring her back here if you want after you talk to her."

Cass nodded throwing, on her silky blue robe and kissing Shelby's cheek.

Rachel sat up in her bed and called louder. Maybe her mama didn't hear her. Maybe she was already gone. Mama was not supposed to go until sunrise. That is what Mommy had said when they tucked her in. Rachel was so confused about all of this and didn't like it at all. Mama was leaving her, and Mommy and wouldn't let her come with her to New Jersey. She knew Mama was going to see her baby sister, and that the little girl's name was Cadence. Rachel hadn't even had her moms for a whole year, yet, and she was going to have to share them. She didn't want to lose them already. What if the new baby took up all of the time they had together? They were already so busy...

A third call died on her lips as her bedroom door opened.

"Hey there, little star," Cassie smiled softly upon entering the room. "What's all this noise you're making, huh?" She sat down at the edge of Rachel's bed and moved to place a kiss to her forehead but the hug that Rachel dove for won over first.

"Please don't leave, Mama! You're gonna miss the show!" Rachel whimpered. She wondered, deep down, if Cassie was really going to adopt that other baby. Instead of keeping this to herself, she voiced it out of fear. "Am I a good enough daughter, Mama?" She cupped her hand over Cassie's ear and whispered softly.

Cass's eyes widened in concern and she pulled Rachel closer. "Of course! Of course you are, little one...why would you ask me that?"

Rachel kept her voice quiet, feeling very small. "You're going to adopt that other baby, aren't you?" Tears swelled up in her eyes. "It's okay if you are. I just don't understand." She sniffed. "I'm okay with having a sister but I have Natalie, too," she was talking more and more as she grew nervous to hear Cassie's answer. "I'm afraid all of our time is going to go away…"

"Oh, my darling," Cassie pulled Rachel up onto her knee and rocked her softly, back and forth, back and forth. "This has nothing to do with you and i'm so sorry that things are happening so suddenly…"

Rachel's big brown eyes were curious and watery. She sniffed loudly and cuddled her head into Cassie's neck, seeking comfort and absolute love from her mother. "Just promise me you won't be gone long, and promise we won't lose all of our time together."

"Honey," Cassie dry swallowed, holding her little girl close. She never expected to have this kind of a bond with a child before. And now she was facing the possibility of being a mother to two. "I promise you, I will not let anyone take away our special time together. Having a little sister doesn't mean I focus on her more. I'll focus on you both."

"You'll still be Cassie the Brave?" Rachel asked, needing reassurance.

"Honey, I will always be Cassie the Brave, and you will always be my little princess," Cassie assured her daughter.

 _God, I wish I could take all of her insecurity away,_ Cass thought to herself. _But hell, I am a mess when it comes to my childhood, so I am one to talk. Patience, Cass, Patience._

"Is she my sister, though?" Rachel scrunched her eyebrows together. "She's your sister. That would make her my aunt, but she's younger than me?" It was clear the little one was completely lost, and Cassie didn't really blame her. She was starting to wonder if she was in the right state of mind to be having this conversation, although it was a little late at this point.

"I know it's confusing, Rachel...It's confusing to me, too," Cassie admitted. "How about for now you just call her Cadence, okay? Yes, technically she would be your aunt, but we're going to worry about that later okay? Right now we just have to focus on trying to get her home…"

"But not to my room, right?" Rachel asked as her stomach started to calm down. It didn't hurt as much anymore, now that she knew her Mama was really coming home. Rachel didn't want the baby in her room, though. She liked it just the way it was, and was comfortable having her own private space now.

"She can have her own room, little star," Cass told Rachel. "Nobody will take your room or your things. We can even get her her own special chair for rocking so we won't have to use yours. And speaking of rocking, would you like to rock now? It's very late and you need your sleep…"

Rachel nodded shyly, very pleased when Cass lifted her into her arms and settled them both in the glider. Cass took Rachel's special blanket, a big, fuzzy, purple blanket with gold stars all over it, and settled it over the both of them. Rachel yawned as she tucked her head underneath her mama's chin. "You're strong, Mama. You will help your sister. You won't let her be alone and be a foster kid like I was."

The irony of this picture was made apparent to the dancer. She was sitting with her little girl, and this young, sweet child in her arms was somehow even soothed by her presence. What had been so awkward at first up in the attic had bloomed into something so precious to both the child and herself. Cass then had never seen herself with a child and being a mother. But it had been thrust on her just as suddenly as she had discovered she had a baby sister.

 _Maybe I can do this_? Cass thought to herself. "Rachel, you are so perfect, sweetheart, and I will spend the rest of my days making sure you feel loved and wanted. I will never leave you, little star…"

"Mama?" Rachel spoke in that sleepy voice that sounded dead-on like Shelby's.

"Yes, little one?" Cass answered, softly adding a hum while they rocked.

"I want you to take my gold star blanket to the baby," Rachel mumbled, more asleep than awake but sure of what she was saying. "She deserves to feel loved and warm and safe like this blanket does when I snuggle with you and Mommy with it."

Cass leaned forward and kissed Rachel's brown hair. She loved this kid so much. Although she had her diva moments much more often these days, she was a well-behaved kid. In Cass's opinion, she had already perfected her performer dramatics. Rachel was a sweet, loving child, though, and knowing she would give her special blanket to a baby that made her so nervous was moving.

"You're right, little one," Cass agreed, "She does, and that's why I have go away tomorrow morning and not wait until after the performance. Understand?"

Rachel nodded into Cassie's chest. "I will just use yours until you get home, okay?"

Cass laughed in spite of herself. "Yes, you can use my blanket, sweetheart. I will take your gold star one with me on my trip in the morning."

"Cass?" Shelby's gentle voice rang through their daughter's bedroom as she entered, pausing their conversation. Cass had been gone for so long, and she decided it was time to go in and join them, particularly since Cass needed what little sleep she could still get. If need be, they could all three sleep in Rachel's bed. Cass put a finger to her lips. Rachel was just about asleep again. Shelby nodded, taking in the scene of Cass and Rachel. It was a beautiful thing, to witness how much they loved each other. Cass was so good with Rachel, and Shelby had no doubt that Cass would be good with Cadence too. "Bring her to our bed. The three of us can spend the rest of the night together."

They slept on fresh, just out of the dryer, cozy blankets. However, sleep never came for Cass. Her thoughts were filled of the past, the present and the uncertain future. She reached down to her collar bone and fingered her silver birthday present, and then kissed it. She would not take it off until she returned home to the mansion. She made a promise to herself as she held her daughter and wife close. Cass knew there were going to be some difficult days ahead, but she would leave Ohio feeling very loved by her wife and her daughter.


	3. Fireworks Over the Hudson

**So let's first say thank you for reading Part Two of Fragile. We are going to try to bring you a good story and look forward to taking this "Journey" with you. Secondly, I want to say I am not** **From New Jersey or the surrounding areas, so please remember this is a work of fiction. This is our own world so we have taken certain liberties. It's all in fun, right? This chapter will give us a glimpse of what was and what's to come. I'll leave it at that. Thanks for reading.**

 **-Keeperofwords**

 **What she said! When we re-edit everything and see about getting them published, we'll go over things like that a bit more. Thanks to everyone for the follows, faves, and reviews so far and for sticking with us. For anyone new here: Welcome! We suggest you read book one, Fragile Reunion, or you'll be TOTALLY lost here. Love to all! -Hayley**

 **Chapter 3 "Fireworks Over the Hudson"**

Cassie leaned her head against the glass of the car window as a taxi drove her and Holly from the airport. Her eyes were burning from a long, sleepless night, so she closed them and pressed her fingers to her temples, vaguely aware of Holly talking on the phone next to her. It seemed tabloids had been tipped off about their New Jersey arrival as soon as they got there.

"Damn paparazzi," Holly cursed into the phone. "Yeah, Steve, they recognized her at the airport. I don't think any followed us out, but I can't be sure..." Holly was on the verge of growling, her voice sharp and slightly irritated. "They rushed us when Cass stopped to take a picture with this elderly couple at baggage...of course she stopped for the picture, the couple was so sweet to her. Can you set us up with a team for the duration of our stay in Jersey City?" The lawyer glanced at Cass out of the corner of her eye as she continued. "Do you think you can have a team meet up with us at the Hyatt Regency off the Hudson? Yep, heading there now. Then we have an appointment with her parent's lawyer's office at 3, and after that we'll be up to the hospital...Thank you. I knew I could count on you."

"Thank you for keeping me from knocking that dick head on his ass," Cass's hand found Holly's knee, grateful. She kept her eyes closed as the taxi rolled up the road. "I would have been all over social media before we could even walk out of the airport."

"You're welcome, and I understand why you got upset." Holly told her friend. "That poor old lady was on a walker and he about knocked her down trying to get your picture. She could have broke a hip. Jesus, I forgot how much I hate the city."

"Yeah, full of mother fucking assholes…." Cass grumbled, letting her curse words fly now that she didn't have to censor anything due to young ears. Shelby generally hated when she cursed anyways, except for in the bedroom during which she could never bring herself to care. "They're like gnats. You try to swat them away, but they keep coming back and hovering in your face."

"I know I told you to dress up in case the plane got delayed and we cut the meeting close, so I feel partially responsible," Holly apologized, patting Cassie's leg. "I should have let you wear your incognito outfit with the ripped jeans and wig."

"S'Alright Hol," Cass answered, her eyes still closed. She couldn't tell if she had a migraine, was overly tired, or if she was just annoyed with people in general, though not Holly specifically. "They were bound to discover me at some point. I keep forgetting how different it is here from Lima. It's been nearly six years since I was contracted in a show and I still get attention anywhere in the New York City area."

The women rode the rest of the way to the hotel in comfortable silence. Holly scrolled through her email from her office on her phone while Cassie was dozing on and off. She couldn't get any decent sleep in, the noisy cars in the street, honking horns, and screaming voices preventing it. Where the sounds of the city used to relax her, they now put her on edge. She wasn't used to it anymore, and had a sudden urge to hop back on a plane and go back to her comfortable, quiet life in the middle of nowhere, Ohio.

 _The suburbs aren't exactly peaceful, but they're a hell of a lot better than this,_ Cassie complained to herself before finally drifting asleep for a few minutes.

"Cass, Cassandra," Holly woke her friend, gently, touching the singer's shoulders and rubbing her back between the shoulder blades. She felt guilty, she knew Cass hadn't been asleep for very long. "We're at the hotel, sweet cheeks. Lets go check in. I got us the penthouse so we will have our privacy."

"Privacy," Cassandra scoffed. "There's no such thing in Jersey. There's no such thing on the entire East Coast." She got out of the car, regardless, and Hol placed a hand on her back to guide her. Cass crossed her arms over her chest and kept her head down as she walked. The paparazzi weren't as bad when Shelby was with her, and neither were the fans, but this was not the time and she sure as hell was not in the mood.

Once they got to their destination, Cassie flopped herself down on her bed. "How long until that meeting?" Her head was pounding and she was wondering if, now that they were above the city streets, she might be able to get in some actual rest. Not that her mind was likely to shut up in order for that to happen.

"Long enough for us to get our things settled here and grab some lunch," Holly was flipping through some files in her arms. Glancing up, she noticed the tired, distressed state her best friend was in. She sighed softly, setting her work down and making her way over to Cassie. "Hey." She said, rubbing Cassie's back. "Are you okay, Cassie?"

There was a long, tension-filled pause between the two of them. Cass pulled her arms up to her head and let a tear fall. She had been so stressed these past few months, but now more than ever she was struggling to keep herself together.

"No," her voice caught in her throat. "I feel sick to my stomach."

"What can I do?" Holly asked. "What do you need?"

"A time machine," Cass's eyes burned. "My sister back. My wife here. My kids' concert to be over with. My little sister to be my little sister and not my-my daughter..."

"Cassie, you're getting worked up...don't make yourself sicker than you already are…" Holly kept a comforting hand on her back, rubbing soft circles. She lowered her voice to a whisper. "You don't always have to stay so strong."

Cassie bit her lip. "Someone has to. And I need to be able to—to deal with everything when I get there. So I have to get this—out of my system now." Her voice quivered and she swallowed a lump in her throat. Her mind swirled with memories of another time as she looked out the window down at the Hudson River. She thought of the last time she had stood on the edge of that very river.

It had been the 4th of July. She had been 15 years old and Monica 21. Monica was on summer break from Rutgers University. Cassie remembered watching the city lights and firework show while laying back on an old blanket that had seen better days. The celebration was less elaborate than what the city put on now that Cass was older, but it had still been a special moment. Monica had sprawled out with her head in Cassie's lap, watching the red, blue, and purple hues from the fireworks light up the sky.

"Hol?" Cassie's voice was a broken whisper. "Thanks for getting the penthouse." she swallowed and elaborated. "The view reminds me of that Fourth of July Monica and I came down to the Hudson for the fireworks show."

"My god, she got you drunk," Holly teased, trying to banter her friend into a good mood. _Will she take the bait and banter back?_ Holly watched as Cass rolled her eyes and gave her the middle finger, albeit lovingly. She looked back over the water, at the boats bobbing up and down.

"No, that's what YOU did, and you didn't get _me_ drunk. You got _Shelby_ drunk enough she was singing to the orchestra like a dumbass," Cassie said with quiet emphasis, wagging a finger at her. "But got some tips when they threw dollar bills at her, if I remember correctly." Cass's brow lost its furrow for a moment at the good memory from her and Shelby's early years as a couple.

"Oh, yeah, I remember that now," Holly spoke up, going to the mini fridge and pulling out a water. She opened it and took a sip then traipsed over to stand by Cass, who was still overlooking the Hudson. She handed the water bottle to Cass and prompted her to take a swallow. She needed to stay hydrated, if nothing else. "So what happened at the Fourth of July Fireworks Show with Monica?" Holly asked only after she made sure Cassie had taken a drink.

"We were both on this old blanket," Cassie remembered fondly. "Monica's head was in my lap. We were joking around, watching the fireworks. She was serenading me to some of the music."

"Mhmmmmmmm," Holly a knowing grin. "So when Mon does it, it's alright, but when Shelby does it she must be drunk."

Cassie couldn't help but smile back. "Have you _met_ Shelby?" she teased, then went back to her story. Holly was thankful her comment hadn't deterred Cassie from telling it; she so rarely said anything about her sister.

"Well, Frank Sinatra's voice comes up and he starts singing, " _Start spreading the news,_ " Cassie started to sing, " _I'm leaving today...I wanna be apart of it, New York, New York…""_

Holly was overcome with emotion but she held back. Cassandra was not like Shelby, who would break into song at the drop of a hat. She said nothing, just turned from the window and watched Cass while listening to her emotional rendition.

"Monica started singing to the words. I remember there were big chrysanthemums of bright white light curling upwards. I was looking at the fireworks and not her. All of a sudden, she pokes me in the stomach to get my attention," Cass remembered, running a hand through her blonde hair. "She says to me. She says to me _real_ seriously, Hol, she tells me, "The lights on Broadway are going to shine brighter for you than these fireworks one day, and when they do I'll sing this song to you on opening night,"..."

"Gods, Cass," Holly breathed out, her eyes started to water. She wasn't sure what else to say, but felt like she should be saying something.

"I never told anybody that story before," Cass spoke, turning from the window to look Holly in the eye. "Monica was not the only motivation to pursue my dream of performing on Broadway, but her words stuck with me on many discouraging nights after an audition that had gone badly."

"And you danced your ass off, Cass," Holly finally spoke up. "She would be so damn proud of you. And if she was anything like you, she would have made good on that promise and done just that had she been able to."

"Oh, she would have," Cass laughed, wiping away a tear. "I know she sees me. I feel it. I know she is with me as I am coming back here to Jersey. I feel her in my heart so much stronger than I have for the last couple of years. She is with me as I come to meet our baby sister and bring her home to safety. I won't let this little girl be put through hell like Monica and I were."


	4. Thank Heavens for Little Girls

**A Special collaboration for this chapter tonight because dear readers my wonderful co-author and I were writing in the same place at the same time sitting in the same room and smelling the same coffee.**

 **Hope this chapter is as special to you as me.**

 **Love from us both and thanks for the love of these characters and universe**

 **Keeperofwords & Hayley**

 **Chapter 4: Thank Heavens for Little Girls**

 ** _"So then I told Auntie April she was too short to play the sunflower."_**

Cassie smiled in spite of her frayed state of mind after leaving her parents' lawyer's office.

 _I can so imagine Rachel doing that. She's my daughter in that way. Shelby's too nice, unless you piss her off or push her to her limit. But Rachel? She tells it like it is._

"I bet she didn't like that, huh?" Cass replied, trying to let Rachel's voice calm her. Over the past few months with Rachel, she had learned so much about how to see the world through a child's eyes: the wonders of a sunbeam, the innocent excitement of learning the simplest of dance moves, and the twinkle of glee when they were put together in a dance. The shy impatience of waiting for Santa to come, and trying to sneak down to see him.

She had felt so fortunate to see the series of firsts in Rachel's life. Being a mother made Cass a changed woman, and she knew, especially with the new baby, this was only the beginning. Gone was the bitchy, curt, demanding diva towards all except her wife and her small circle of friends. Now, she had a softer side, which she happily embraced. Her bitch face still showed while she was teaching, but she had finally learned how to turn it off and enjoy life in a way she hadn't before.

 _"I have been changed for…good..."_ Cass could nearly hear Shelby singing in her ear.

 ** _"No, Mama, she pouted. She stuck her lip out and everything, like Jude does when he gets in trouble with Stefi."_**

Cass glanced over at Holly who was tapping rapidly on her phone, obviously texting the office or someone equally infuriating.

 ** _"So I told her she was small enough she could put on some of the ladybug wings and be the mommy ladybug. Then Mommy teased that she could add the song "Ugly Bug Ball" to the program. But she was just teasing, because she is going to do what you were going to. She's gonna play Maria and take your place, with all the little kids being the children in the Sound of Music"_**

"Well, Auntie April is a better soprano than I am," Cass commented, noticing Holly's head pop up at the mention of her girlfriend. "That _is_ one of her favorite musicals, and she knows all the words..."

 ** _"Yeah can sing realllly high. I didn't know she could sing so high, Mama."_**

"Oh yes she can, did you know that your Mommy told me Auntie April took singing lessons when she was younger? In high school, she sang in an Opera. She can sing _very_ high. Much higher than the rest of us." Cass said, ignoring the stop and go traffic they were stuck in while making a slow trek to the hospital.

"I can make her sing even higher…" Holly murmured in the background, only loud enough for Cassie to hear. Cass smirked.

 ** _"So Mommy is doing really good, Mama-"_**

 _"_ Really well, Rachel," Cass corrected.

 ** _"Really well,"_** Rachel amended. ** _"She is wearing her hair up and it's so pretty, and has that beautiful dress you like so much."_**

 **"** So where's Mommy right now, Rach?" Cass asked her daughter, desperately wanting to hear her lover's voice but knowing with an hour before showtime she had to be crazy busy. Shelby had promised to call after the show.

 ** _"Oh, she had to go get Stefi. All of these kids mothers and fathers are parking where they aren't supposed to and she said something about needing Stefi so the Mommies don't fight for parking spots. Adults are so dumb sometimes, Mama."_**

"So true, Little Star, adults can be very dumb," Cass agreed, her mind wandering back to her current situation. The dancer knew she had yet to face the extended family on her father's side, who she had no doubt would give her some homophobic, snarky comment during the funeral.

 _I'm sorry I can't be there to help you, my love_ , Cass thought to herself. She leaned over and put her head on Holly's shoulder. Holly put an arm around her and pulled her close.

 ** _"Have you seen the baby yet, Mama? Is she as pretty as her picture? Can you take a picture of her and send it me to me to see? You got my blanket so she can snuggle with you?"_**

"Slow down, Little Star," Cass smiled softly, staring out the window. She was glad the taxi was out of the bumper-to-bumper scene, and they were finally moving at a normal speed. "I'm not sure I've got all of those questions, but I will try to remember them... I'm going to see her now, and I have not seen her with my own eyes to see how pretty she is, but I expect she will be just as pretty as her picture. I will make sure to take some with my phone, anyways. And your blanket is still in my suitcase, but I will remember to snuggle up with her in it, okay?"

" ** _Okay, Mama! I gotta go anyways, Lena is supposed to check my school work for me soon, and I haven't exactly finished it…"_**

"Rachel," Cassie's voice held a tone of warning. "I know there's a lot going on right now but remember what Mommy and I told you about finishing your work on time. You're already behind as it is…"

 ** _"I know, I know, I was just really excited to call you!"_** Rachel defended. **_"I'll go finish it right now! I love you, Mama!"_**

"I love you too, Little Star. Say hi to Mommy for me, and I love you both very much. Be good, okay?"

 ** _"Okay! Bye, Mama."_**

"Goodbye, sweetheart," Cass hung up the phone and put her head down into her hands, feeling severely overwhelmed. Car horns and the noisy tires filled the silence of the car ride.

Holly glanced up from her phone and set it on her lap when the taxi reached their destination. "Are you okay, Cassie?" empathy poured from her soothing voice and she undid her seat belt. She reached out a hand to comfort her best friend. Before she could get to her, Cass pulled her head back up, undid her seat belt and opened the door of the cab on the opposite side of Holly to get out.

"I'm fine," she insisted. "Fine. Let's…" she stood from her spot and moved her shoulders in forward circles to stretch them. "Can I go meet my sister now?"

Holly nodded softly, leading Cassie to the door. Cass hated hospitals. The last time she was at a hospital was back with Shelby after she fell on the ice. The difference between then and now is they hadn't needed to stay more than a few hours back then; Shelby was patched up and they left. This time, she had two relatives currently admitted. One would be leaving with her, preferably soon. Her mother, however, was another story. Likely, the only way Megan July would be leaving this hospital was in a hearse. Cass tried to shake off her morbid thoughts. Yes, she knew she was going to have to go see a doctor about her mother eventually, but she wanted to see her baby sister first.

 _Slow and steady, July. You get ahead of yourself and your emotions win._

"Let me go ask what her room number is," Holly spoke, her heels clicking in time with Cassie's on the shiny, white tile floor.

"I'm just going to step into the bathroom, okay?" Cass responded, needing a moment to prepare herself, though she was unsure what was about to happen. She went through the motions of washing her hands before reaching into her purse for a brush. She ran it through her ash-blonde hair, carefully, taking her own sweet time.

 _Breathe Cassie, You are meeting your baby sister. You already feel a connection to her. What is there to be nervous about? She's a baby, and she's blood. It's not like you have to make an impression on her. Who are you trying to kid._

Cass put her brush back in her purse and grabbed her lipstick.

 _You've got this, Cassandra,_ Cass continued her self-talk much like she used to do in her dressing room before going on stage for a show.

"I don't think Cadence is going to care if you are wearing fresh lipstick," Holly said, amused as she waltzed into the bathroom and slipped past Cass into the bathroom stall. The lawyer opened the stall after finishing to find Cass dabbing her lips with a paper towel. Holly shook her head. "You look beautiful, hun. I've got your sister's room number, let's head upstairs and see her. Remember, I called for a security team. They told me they would pick up a detail for you upstairs, so you should be able to have some alone time with Cadence…some actual privacy…"

"Thanks, Hol," Cassie said, simply nodding to her friend. She was ready to just face the music. This was her life now.

Cass ignored the people staring at her from all sides. She had been recognized quickly—she always was when she was in this area of the country. They met up with her security detail the moment she stepped off the elevator. One shifted to her side while another walked just behind her and Holly. Their presence both made her feel better and left her feeling stifled. Cassie loved the freedom she had in small town USA. Lima, Ohio was the kind of town place where most people didn't even have to lock their doors. New Jersey was definitely not as lax.

"We are set to meet the hospital case worker and your sister in the conference room," Holly leaned over and whispered in Cassie's ear. "Ready?"

"Ready," Cassie confirmed, swallowing hard. Her heart was pounding. She was keenly aware that her life was going to be changed forever the minute she opened the door in front of her. Her palms were sweaty, and she discreetly wiped them on her skirt.

Several people were gathered at a long conference table, and the hospital room was set up more like a lawyer's office. Two men in lab coats whom Cass inferred were doctors sat facing the door, so she saw them first. She squinted to see the letters on their coats; one was a pediatrician, that had to be Cadence's doctor, and the other was a neuro surgeon.

Her stomach dropped, that one had to be about her mother. The sounds of jabbering broke Cassie's attention away from the group who had obviously had been waiting for her arrival. She nodded a polite greeting and let Holly make introductions. Her ears had picked up on baby talk in the back corner, and her heart leapt with anticipation. She moved quickly to get around the table and there Cadence was, just around the corner.

The baby girl sat in the arms of a fifty-something year old woman who Cass noticed was wearing a lanyard that read: social worker. Cadence was content, it seemed, to babble to the case worker and point to random things around the room. Cass noticed the ash blonde hair, first. She frowned when she looked into her baby sister's face, as she was sporting a bandage to her forehead right at her hair line. Her nose and right cheek had scratches as well, and there was significant bruising around her left eye.

Cadence was dressed in a simple T-shirt and diaper, the scratches peppering her arms prominent, particularly on the right side. Cass's investigation led to concern, which turned to worry and finally anger. The ast twenty-four hours of stress had simmered on a low boil since she landed in the airport. Seeing that her baby sister was _not_ completely fine was all it took for the steam on the kettle to rise.

"Miss July?" an unrecognizable voice tried to get her attention, but Cass ignored whoever it was, bending down to her knee. She worked to catch her baby sister's eye as her mind played back what the lawyer had originally told her when he broke the news about her parents and little sister. No one ever mentioned that Cadence was bruised and scratched up, she just knew she was in hospital custody to be checked on "just in case".

"I was told my sister was fine," Cass spoke in a low, deep voice that bordered on a growl. "She's wearing a bandage the size of her damn head, and has scratches all up and down her arms and legs, so you and I must have differing definitions of the word "fine"." Cass's glare moved up to look at the social worker, and then shifted over to the two doctors. Holly cleared her throat and carefully shifted to stand beside her best friend.

The last thing they needed was for Cass to lose her temper. These people had done nothing wrong, and were only trying to help. Hol knew it was important to keep Cass grounded, even though her concern was precedented. The lawyer slipped her hand into Cassie's and gave it a gentle tug to get her to pull herself back to a standing position.

"Cass, she's here with you, and look at that smile. She's a charmer," Holly redirected Cassie's focus. It seemed to work, because Cassie's frown left her face as she too studied the baby's features.

 _Gods, she is so beautiful…She really does look like Monica…_ Cassandra's eyes glazed over and she blinked back tears, biting the inside of her cheek. Cadence's were a brilliant blue that in Cassie's opinion lit up the room, dazzling with that childlike innocence. The world hadn't changed her, yet. Her fine hair had those soft blonde curls falling onto her neck. _I just need to hold her. Keep her close to me. I'll never let her be put in danger ever again._

"I'm sorry for my lack of manners," Cassandra spoke to the case worker, forcing herself to look away from her sister's face. "The past twenty-four hours have been overwhelming with the news. I'll try to remember that I'm not the only person with problems in this world, and you are just doing your job."

"It's quite alright, I do know it's a shock to the eye," the woman gave Cass an empathetic glance, running her hand through Cadence's baby curls. "It's nice to meet you, Ms. July. My name is Katie Jones. Her voice was soothing, and careful. "Cadence, this is your sister Cassandra." Cadence, upon being addressed, stared up at Cassie with a strong interest.

 _No doubt I remind her of mother,_ Cass figured. _Or maybe I look so unlike mother that I'm an intriguing stranger. I hope it's the latter._

"Can I hold her?" Cass asked, her voice shaking with emotion. "I see all the cuts and bandages, I don't want to hurt her…" the baby leaned forward, arms outstretched. It was clear to all in the room that she was expecting to be picked up. She bounced on Katie's knee, expectantly.

"She may be a little sore, but I think it's perfectly fine for you to hold her," the pediatrician spoke up from across the room, reaching out for Cassie's hand. "Pleased to meet you, Ms. July, my name is Hayden Page. I'm Cadence's doctor.

"Thank you for taking care of her," Cass spoke quickly, stretching out a frazzled hand in greeting. She wanted to hold her sister, but realized she really didn't want to be rude to these people who had been looking after her family. "If you're sure about me holding her, doctor…May I?"

"I think she would like that," Katie gently transferred the baby into Cassie's stretched out arms.

The people in the room and all that Cassandra would have to deal with fell to the back of her mind. She found an arm wrapping around the baby, rubbing her back while she kissed the top of her head. This was her baby sister, alive, well, and in her care. Cass found herself promising silently that she would do all in her power to bring her sister home and raise her the way she and Monica should have been raised.

Cass didn't even notice that she'd started to hum, a soft unrecognizable tune. Her hips gently swayed as she tried to get her emotions in check. _How did we get here?_ She asked herself. _To raise your own little sister and even have a sister so much younger than you…_ she committed the surreal moment to her memory, getting lost in thought until a hand touched her arm.

"I like your new dance partner, Cass," Holly commented softly reaching her finger out and tickling the baby's bare foot. Cadence giggled and smiled a wide smile. The room melted.

"Yeah, she's so light on her feet," Cassie quipped back, tearing her eyes away from her sister and looking around at the room full of hospital professionals. "When can she leave the hospital?" Cass asked Dr. Page. "It's just cuts and bruises, right?"

"Your sister has superficial wounds only," the pediatrician reassured her. "And those were obtained when the firefighters broke the window out of the backseat of your parents car and extracted her out of her car seat."

Cass nodded and let him continue. "We have been keeping her in observation to keep an eye out for concussion protocol. She is doing very well, and barring any unforeseen circumstances we can discharge her in the morning into your care."

"Into my care," Cass mumbled to herself, amazed at how fast everything was happening.

"That's right," another doctor echoed. "We usually try to close up the day's discharge by four so patients can settle their bill with the cashier's office. Her paperwork probably won't be ready until mid-morning tomorrow, at the earliest."

"That will give us time to pick up a few things for her," Holly spoke up from her new seat at the conference table. "And Ms. July's wife will be arriving in about nine hours, so she can accompany us when Cadence is discharged."

"Very good," Katie looked over at the other doctor; now that Cass was there for Cadence, she was no longer needed. Her voice, which was upbeat just a moment before, was more somber when she added, "Doctor Hammond is here, with news about your mother."

Cassie's expression fell. She felt like life was twisting a long, sharp knife right through her stomach. "How is she?" her voice was low, and she held her sister close.

"She's...Look, Miss July. I'm going to be honest with you. Her odds aren't looking good. She's been in a coma since she arrived at the hospital, and her brain isn't responding to stimulus…"

"My mother is brain dead?" Cassandra asked, bluntly. It sounded more like a statement than a question.

"That is correct, Miss July-"

"Corcoran-July," Cassie corrected, knowing it didn't really matter. She took a second. "So, if I went in to see her…she wouldn't even know I was there?"

"Also correct, Miss Corcoran-July. We have her on life support now, but…"

"What are the odds of her waking up?" Cassie cut him off, getting down to business. _Don't go soft now, July. You hated your mother. Don't be the hypocrite that only gains sympathy once she dies._

"...Slim to none." Dr. Hammond said softly. "But it's up to you how you want to proceed."

"Shit…I don't know," Cassie replied in a quiet voice, reaching down into her blouse and pulling out the simple necklace Shelby had given her the evening before. "Do I have to decide right now?" The blonde shifted her sister in her arms so could read Holly's eyes. "I don't have to decide right this moment, do I? About taking her off life support?"

Cass didn't like being put on the spot at the best of times, let alone when they were talking about taking her mother's life, or at least what was left of it. Uncertainty clouded her judgment. _What if you took her off and she was going to wake up? What if you leave her hanging for days and nothing happens?_ Cadence whimpered in her arms, feeling the sudden tension in the room.

"We can give you a few days to decide, Miss Corcoran-July. Just know that within those few days, it isn't likely her condition is going to change."

Cassandra nodded. "I understand," she bounced Cadence lightly to stop her tears, unsure how she even knew what to do. She'd never even held a baby before, let alone did she know how to act with one. Cadence quieted as Cassie stood up quietly and started to walk around the room, rubbing her sister's back. The baby stopped fussing quickly, and stuck her thumb in her mouth, laying her head on Cassie's shoulder.

 _Hell, you must have some sort of maternal instinct, whether you realized it or not._ Nothing had ever made Cassie feel this way. She was holding this tiny life in her hands of a child who desperately needed her, and she was starting to realize she needed the baby, too. The two July siblings were in this together.


	5. Hello Goodbye

**Keeperofwords here: We thought it fitting to post another chapter of Fragile Journey on Mother's Day. This chapter has alot of Shelby and Rachel whom we both love to write.**

 **There is some Dee because I was thinking of Idina when this was written. Cass is still in Jersey. Never fear, soon they will be reunited, but not quite yet. Let me throw in a warning for heavy discussion of death and dying. This is going to be a continued thing for a few chapters so be warned. But darkness before light, right?**

 **Thanks for reading and your love of these characters in the Fragile Universe. With summer here we hope to be writing more and posting more. Much love and happy reading.**

 **Hayley here: What she said, as always, and Happy Mothers Day to all mothers out there. I couldn't be happier to be back on the writing track for the summer. Hope to hear from all of you in the reviews!**

 **Chapter 5: Hello, Goodbye**

Shelby growled when a shoe box fell on her head, as she dug in her walk-in closet for her "disguise". She was tired, fighting a headache, _and_ a heartache-aching for her dear wife, whose world had been turned upside down and inside out. Her heart was also aching for her little Rachel. It's a lot for a child of nine to deal with when a baby comes into a home _planned_. It would be even harder for Rachel now, since she'd only had a few months in a stable home with loving parents.

Rachel still had occasional nightmares. Just last week, she'd asked Dee if her daddies could come back for her after they got out of jail. Shelby did not want Rachel to feel pushed aside or less important than Cadence. She was still so new at this parenting thing. How could she manage that while trying to figure how the hell to take care of baby? She was pretty good at multitasking, but this could be an overstep.

 _Stop it Shelby_ , she scolded herself, while pulling out a small, clear plastic tub. In it was her menagerie of wigs, hats, and even some stage makeup that she knew she should have thrown away ages ago, it was so damn old. The singer knew she was going back to the bridge over to Broadway, and she would likely be recognized over there.

Spinning on her heels, she turned back to her bed and her threw open her suitcase. Really, she was almost packed. A taxi would pick her up in an hour, but something was nagging at her like she was seriously forgetting something. She checked her list twice over and marked off the items she had. It was all there, so she zipped the bag up and changed her clothes.

Then it hit her: what she felt was missing was Rachel. Rachel would be states away, and since their reunion they'd never been so far apart. The woman put her hand to her mouth as tears started to fall, but she bit the back of her hand just as quickly. She needed to be strong. There was no time for this. If she fell into this mentality, she wouldn't be able to pick herself up fast enough to help Cass.

A soft rapping on her bedroom door drew her attention back to the present.

"Shelley?" Dee called softly, floating into the room and standing beside her niece, wrapping an arm around her waist. "Can I help you with anything? What time is flight?"

"Hmmmmm," Shelby said distractedly, "I think I got everything." She did a double-take. "When did you get in? And how did you know I was going anywhere?"

"Shelley, I was only as far as Washington DC," Dee said matter-of-factly, moving towards the bedside table and picking up a picture from Christmas. Rachel, Cassie, and Shelby smiled up at the camera in their Christmas Sweaters. She nonchalantly put it inside of Shelby's suitcase, knowing she would appreciate it in the long days ahead.

"I finished my meeting with the the new director of Lawyers without Borders. She was trying to bribe me with a six figure salary to go do some seminars for new candidates of the program. Like that was going to pull me away from the life I have built here with you, Cass, Rachel and my newest niece who Holly said is the spitting image of your sweet wife."

"She's your sister, technically," Shelby pointed out and then stopped herself, sucking in a breath. It all felt so weird. She took a mental step back and started again. "You talked to Hol? When?" She went back to her closet to dig out a pair of jeans and converse sneakers.

"She asked me to pick something up for Rach, it's in a test market in DC right now," Dee remarked, handing Shelby a small paper bag. "I know she is only nine, and developmentally is younger than that, but Holly thought you would really appreciate this..."

Shelby looked at the bag curiously and dug around inside of it. _What in the world would Holly ask Dee to pick up in Washington of all places?_ She pulled the tissue paper aside and pulled out a box.

"A cell phone?" Shelby stated, almost amused but not quite there. "Oh my god, they make cell phones for kids?" Shelby flipped the box over in her hand to look at the back, dumbfounded. "No fucking way." she shook her head, unsure if she was saying no because the thought of it was so ridiculous or because she was so confused.

"Language, Shelley," Dee teased. "You are going to pay a dollar to that swear jar you insisted upon and pay for Rachel's car way before she even thinks about turning sixteen."

"What's it do?" Shelby smirked at the comment but didn't address it, too fascinated by the latest technology in her hands and wondering what it has to do with her child. She opened the box and pulling the phone out. "Oh this is cute. Pink, huh? Cass will hate that. Rachel will love it though." Shelby studied the picture. "So it can be set up as a standard phone or worn on the wrist..." although she'd made the off-hand comment about Rachel liking it, she was mostly just trying to figure it out.

"It's not a smart phone. It has a GPS so you will know where she is at all times. It only has numbers in it that are preprogrammed, 911, and an operator to help her if she needs directory assistance." Dee explained, pointing to the picture on the box. "It's got big buttons designed with kids in mind. Personally, I think it needs a radio or something..."

"Rachel can do her own singing, thank you very much," Shelby commented, looking over the phone with a nod of approval. " Or I can sing to her. I think I will, Aunt Dee. I can read her a story at night. This is actually really smart..."

"There is a button on the side that will let you facetime her if she presses it," Dee explained. "She should be able to see you then, and you can show her Cadence."

"Oh, Dee this is perfect. I only have an hour though, how am I going to get it programed and set up?" Shelby asked. "And I want to give it to her myself, and she is already over with April and Natalie."

"Well then chop chop, Shelley," Dee told her, zipping the suitcase and picking it up. "Between all the years of higher learning of a medical school and law school, your bestie and auntie should be able to get this thing set up before your ride arrives."

"Ok, lets go," Shelby agreed, leaning in to kiss her aunt's check. "Aunt Dee, thank you. And not just for the phone, but being here for me in the past and now. It's also nice that Rachel and Cadence will grow up with their aunt close bye. Well, aunt/sister. Um..."

"Don't hurt yourself," Dee held a hand up to stop her from overthinking. "I love you, Shelley." She took her niece's hand gently and walked up the hall, to the steps, down to the main level, then out the door. "We are family. You, me, Cassandra, Rachel, and the little one coming home with your girls. You need to go get on that plane now, kid, and bring your wife and her namesake home to the mansion."

. . .

Cassandra knew she had to be going through an out of body experience, feeling as if she was looking down at herself, watching herself make an endless string of bad decisions. The viewer of a horror movie yelling at the blonde not to go to the basement by herself, in case something dark and scary was down there.

 _You don't belong here._

She was not supposed to ever lay eyes on this woman again, but then life has a way of walking you to the basement door personally and shoving you down the steps, locking the door behind you for good measure.

The first thing Cassie noticed was how inhumanely _cold_ it was in the hospital room. It was not a figurative expression, she supposed, "the Room was as cold as death". A chill crept through Cassie's body like someone had poured a bucket of ice water through her insides.

A nurse was with her in the room, making herself busy by the bed. Cass used her as an excuse not to leave the doorway. A steady beep resounded through the room, and Cass almost chastised herself for being annoyed by it. So many tubes and wires were connected god knows where that she considered herself wise for standing in the doorway.

 _That way,_ she rationalized with herself, _You won't trip on anything and accidentally kill her._

Then there was the click. The machine breathing for her mother. Cass could not imagine anything more artificial. With every push of air it forced another breath of her mother's life. Megan July's skin was pasty white-whiter, Cassie was sure of it, than the sheets she was laying on.

 _I am the dumb blonde in the movie._ Cassie reiterated with herself. _Now that I'm locked in the basement I have to fight my demons._

Megan's eyes, although shut, had dark circles under them, making her face seem sunken into the pillow under her head. Cassandra shuddered, thinking it was odd that although her mother was permanently resting, it seemed as if she hadn't slept in years. Her frail body was stiff, and her frame much smaller than Cassie remembered. Her hair was definitely grayer, right around the temples. She had wrinkle lines around her eyes, almost like smile lines, but her expression was completely blank.

 _That's the same blank expression she's had her whole fucking life. would just stare off in the distance or look away every damn time father laid his hands on one of us. Hell, maybe she's been dead to me for eight years. Maybe now fate is just finishing the job._

Cassie bit at her lip without realizing it. _I'd rather just pound on the basement door until someone answers. I'm not the brave brunette. That's Shelby's job._

Another constant thumping noise made itself known in the otherwise stark silent room. Cass realized, after a while, that it was her own heart pounding.

 _Gods, she looks terrible. How is she still alive?_ Cass was sure the room was swirling with the spirit of evil. Like he was lingering there, behind Cassie; the angel of death tugging on her sleeve and insisting she get on with it already. She shrugged off the invisible figure and pulled her arms into herself, coiling from the scene. She felt sick to her stomach. The spirit of evil felt a lot like her father.

Turning away, she nearly collided with another nurse at the opposite side of the doorway.

"Miss July!" The nurse stumbled, catching her balance.

"I'm-yeah...sorry…" Cassie mumbled, glancing up at the nervous-looking woman. _Jesus, July, pay attention. This isn't some fairytale, stop romanticizing it._

"I just came to bring you your mother's belongings," the nurse explained, holding out a drawstring bag for Cassie to take. Cass didn't move, at first, but stared at the woman in awe as if trying to process what was being said to her. Feeling uneasy, the nurse continued, "Um...she didn't have much with her, and a lot of it was thrown away...her clothes were bloody so they were cut off of her...but her wallet is in there, her purse, the jewelry she was wearing, her wedding band..it's all in there."

"Her wedding band," Cassie repeated, her voice cold. She nodded her head slowly. "Okay, yeah, sure." she reached her arm out and took it, holding it away from her body. "Is there anything else?"

The nurse looked Cassie up and down, pity plastered all over her face. "In a couple days the lawyers will talk you through anything else that may have been left to you...I'm sure this isn't all you'll have left of her…"

Cassie was having none of her sympathy. "Look. I… this isn't a normal situation, okay? You don't have to treat me like some china doll. My parents are dead. This doesn't come as a shock to me." her blunt nature made the nurse's eyes widen in shock. "Thank you for giving her things, I'll probably burn them, too. Are we good, here? Is there anything else that's required from me?"

Wordlessly, the nurse shook her head.

Cassie gave a little nod. "Thank you. Have a good rest of your day." she stormed out of the room and Holly met her in the hallway, practically jogging to keep up with Cassie's brisk stride.

"What the hell was that about?" she questioned, her tone was more curious than judgemental, with a heavy dose of concern.

"I'm ready to get the hell out of Jersey, that's what the hell that was about," Cassie quipped. "You know I hate it here." she made it as far as the hospital doors and then froze, spotting a group of camera men just waiting for her to make an appearance. She turned on the spot, bit her lip and slid down to the floor, her eyes filling with tears. "Holly, I'm really just...I'm overwhelmed, and I'm tired, and I want to go. Can we just go? Can we get the hell out of here? Please?"

Holly crouched down to Cassie's level, reaching a hand out for comfort. Cassie didn't take it. Her head was down, her eyes on the floor, her teeth chewing the inside of her cheek.

"Cassie…"

"Can you just send them away? Please? Do whatever you have to do, I don't care." Cassie snapped back.

"Cassie…" Holly tried again, but her best friend refused to look up. "Twinkle toes," she tried. Cassie's head snapped up immediately, a glare forming in her deep, emerald eyes. She smirked. "You need to stay with Cadence, and I know you know that. You can't run away from this."

Cassandra kept her head up, her attention captured. She bit her lip. "I'm not running away from anything."

"You sure about that?" Holly demanded. "Because if you walk out those doors, that little baby is going to be all alone."

Cassie sat in silence. She knew Holly was right. Holly usually was. But it wasn't something Cassie liked to admit out loud.

"You need to get something to eat, get some water, and we need to get back up to that room. Shelby will be here soon."

 _Shelby. Gods, why do I have to drag her into this life? We were so happy. We used to be so different. And now all these memories are being thrown at us left and right and we aren't ever going to be the same couple we were. Hell, we aren't even the same people we were._

"I'm not hungry," Cassie stood and ignored the flashing cameras at her back. Hospital security was working, albeit slowly, on removing them from the premises. They were blocking the doors from actual emergencies. "But I will go back to Cadence."

"You _will_ eat something," Holly corrected under her breath. _Baby steps, Holliday. You got her to stand up, at least._ "Let's go be with Cadence," she spoke louder. "Shelby's flight comes in in a few hours, we'll eat then."

. . .

Shelby was crouched down on her knees, her daughter clinging to her waist, when she realized that getting on the plane was going to be even more difficult than she'd originally imagined. She sucked in a breath and counted to ten in her head, hugging Rachel back tightly and holding back the tears that were stinging the backs of her eyes.

"Honey, I know it's far away, but you'll see me in a few days, okay? I promise."

"If I'll see you so soon, then why can't I just go with you now?" Rachel's question was high pitched, but muffled in Shelby's neck.

Once again, she knew she had to be away from her daughter against both of their wishes. "Oh, Rachie. I promise I'll see you soon. We're keepers, remember?" she tried to avoid answering the question of why. Nobody would be able to watch Rachel or keep her company and someone so young wasn't permitted in the ICU or pediatric unit unless they were the one admitted. Besides that, Shelby really wasn't sure what was going on herself, and knew that if Rachel was with her she'd be hit with a slew of questions she couldn't answer-most of them about Cassandra's mentality, which was a mystery all on its own. Cass needed to be in the right frame of mind before Rachel could be there, and decisions needed to be made.

The little girl sniffed and hugged Shelby tighter. Shelby bit her lower lip and closed her eyes tightly before glancing up at her Aunt Dee, feeling helpless.

"But I'm scared," Rachel admitted in a quiet voice. It was practically a whisper against Shelby's neck and Rachel cupped her hand around Shelby's ear to admit, "And I don't want to fly on the plane without you or Mama." She covered her face afterwards, embarrassed, and then decided to just keep it tucked into Shelby's neck for good measure.

Shelby played with Rachel's long brown hair. It was getting long enough to cut again, and Shelby could not believe it. Rachel had been with them that long. And now another baby was coming in, too.

"There's no need to be scared, little one. I'm always protecting you, even when I'm not right next to you."

Rachel pulled her head away, her eyes widened in wonder. "You are?" she asked, clearly amazed. "How?"

Shelby tapped Rachel's nose with her finger. "Because I'm your mom. And I have mom powers."

"Cool!" Rachel sniffed, wiping a few stray tears on her arm.

Shelby couldn't help but laugh lightly, her low voice like music to her daughter's ears. Rachel's face fell again when her eyes scanned the room and she saw Shelby's suitcase.

"I'm gonna miss you, you know?" Her eyes watered again, her little lip starting to quiver.

"Hey there, little star. None of that. I'm never far away from you, you hear me?" Shelby pulled her back into a tight hug, her nose burning from pending tears again. She couldn't let Rachel see her cry if she was telling her not to. _You're such a hypocrite, Shelby Corcoran._

Dee nodded her head towards her niece, reminding her of the present she had for her little girl. Shelby nodded back in understanding, giving a small smile of gratitude. Behind Dee stood April, her nose twitching slightly with sadness. She had a comforting hand on Natalie's shoulder.

Natalie watched the scene in front of her, feeling annoyed. She missed Holly, a lot. April was the optimist that kept the family bubbly, sure. But without Holly that was much harder for her to do, and without Holly the family felt like it was missing something huge. Without Cassie, too. She wanted to go with Shelby almost as badly as Rachel did, but she knew it wasn't right to go begging Shelby to take her, too. She knew deep down that April and Dee planning to take them both very soon, and attacking Shelby wasn't going to change anything. It seemed, Natalie noticed, to just be making Shelby sadder.

"Rachel, Aunt Dee got you a present. Would you like to see what it is?"

Rachel pulled away from the tight hug once more and nodded slowly, curiosity taking over.

Shelby turned and reached into the bag that was sitting on the floor next to her, pulling out the cell phone and putting it in Rachel's hands. Rachel's eyes lit up, confused but overjoyed.

"I thought Mama said I couldn't have one until I was wayyyyy older?!" she said it like a statement.

"This one is special. It's not one like mine or Mama's. But it will let you call very specific people-"

"You, Mama, Auntie April and Aunt Holly, Stefi and Lena, and Aunt Dee?" Rachel guessed. "Can I call Natty too?"

Shelby smiled in spite of herself. "Yes, and those are the only people besides the police."

"Stefi is police," Rachel commented distractedly, flipping the box over and over before taking the phone out to examine it.

Shelby put her hand over it, bringing Rachel's attention to her eyes. "Rachel, listen to me, please. This is important. You can call those specific people, or there's this button on the side that will let you video chat those people. It also has a tracker so Mama and I can't lose you. Understand?"

Rachel nodded, bringing her excited tone down to a whisper. "Thank you, Mommy. I promise I'll only use it when I have to."

"Thank your Aunt Dee," Shelby nodded towards her and stood on her feet, her knees practically screaming at her to get off of them. "And thank you, Rachel. I appreciate that. Give me one last hug, okay? I really have to go now…" she saw the time and cringed. She was already running late.

"I love you, Mommy," Rachel said. "Can I video you and Mama when you get to New Jersey tonight?"

Shelby nodded. "Yes, I think we can make that arrangement."

Dee wrapped Shelby in a tight hug and whispered into her ear, "Keep Cassie safe, and in check. Balance each other, and be aware that if she's stressed or angry it isn't with you."

"Thanks, Aunt Dee. I needed that," Shelby kissed her aunt's cheek and then turned to April, who had to get on tip toe to hug Shelby properly.

"Give my girl a kiss for me, but don't let it linger too long." the petite blond lit up the room, as always.

"Mmm, no promises," Shelby joked, kissing her cheek as well before kissing Natalie's forehead and hugging her. "They're both going to make me sleep outside if I don't get my butt on that plane pronto." she sighed, making her way towards her suitcase and carry on.

"Promise you'll call!" Rachel ran to open the door for her. "Even if it's late!"

 _Oh, it will be._ Shelby acknowledged. _It will be way past your bedtime. But that's what I get for flying out so late._

"I will, Rachie. I promise." she blew her loved ones a kiss, let out a long sigh, and stepped out the front door.


	6. Us Against the World

**Keeperofwords here: This chapter written below is very personal to me and I channeled a lot of emotions true to my life right now when I wrote it. I know this is another angst filled chapter but hang in there with us. Thanks for those who have sent those wonderful and very appreciated comments. You keep our muses fed and eager to write more to share with you.**

 **Hayley: Thank you all so much for your reviews, we love them and really appreciate them. They really help make our writing stronger. Thank you for dealing with our odd posting times. Love to all of you.**

 **Chapter 6: Us Against the World**

How many times in her life had she vowed to never do what she was doing now? She had promised never to speak to her mother again, much less be in the same room as her; She'd called her mother every vile obscenity in the English language, burned pictures like she burned bridges without a single one left of the woman, and filed away every bad memory she could muster. Each thought of Cassandra's mother had been locked away in a secret vault, through the dark caverns of her mind. Up until this point in her life, that had been perfectly acceptable and justified. Now she felt stricken, shocked, and compelled to make all of those memories resurface, pleasant or not. Whether it was so she could curse at them, tear them into tiny pieces, burn them all to the ground, or actually save them, she couldn't really decide.

She just knew she wanted her mother.

 _How fucked up._ Cass scoffed at herself. _The story of your life has always been fucked up. At least, until Shelby came along...She made all of this go away. She made the shitty childhood worth it, because at least it made me who I am today. Or some shit like that. Do I still believe in that? Do I even like who I am today?_

She suddenly realized she had been standing in the stairwell just down the hall from the ICU floor long enough that the evening skyline across the Hudson was nothing but shadows in a sky of orange and red. Darkness was falling and daylight was at its last gasp. In the waning moments, it left something beautiful. _You just have to take a moment to look for it._

She was no prophet, and certainly wasn't a poet. She was a critical, sarcastic bitch who had no time for foolishness, sentimentality or, in her opinion, weakness.

 _Shit_. She thought to herself. _How long have I been here?_

Her throat felt so dry that if someone spoke to her she wouldn't have been able to respond. She cleared it while simultaneously moving closer to the window. When was the last time that she had stopped to watch the sunset? She lingered and stared, watching the colors of the sky fade and change.

A crisp cold breeze swept across the water. It chilled her to her core and she stood up immediately, instinctively wrapping her arms around herself for protection. She didn't linger as the night took control, having no wish to look for the stars that brightened the darkness. This was the same sky she'd stared up into growing up, making wish after futile wish, and all she got was a bunch of fucked up nothing. That was just that. Her mood was sinking as fast as the sun had.

As she pried open the fire door and stepped into the hall of the ICU, she blinked, momentarily blinded from the overhead fluorescent lights that seemed to reflect on the shiny tile floor. It was an overkill effort to block out the darkness the patients on the floor were fighting. Souls of people there were either overcoming or surrendering to the obscurity of death, in somber rooms with only the lights of beeping machines. The machines that determined whether a patient lived to see another sunrise or not. A patient like her mother, who was stuck in purgatory somewhere.

 _How many people here will find a way to cheat death? Who would want to?_

If the hounds of hell came for her, she would turn around and bite them in the ass. End of story. That was something she knew she could be sure of. It almost comforted her.

Her mother's room loomed in front of her and her confidence fell down through the pit of her stomach and to the floor. She could feel herself disassociating and she tried in vain to pull herself back to her cold reality, wrapping her arms around herself again in an attempt to relax herself in her lover's absence.

 _There's no reason for me to be here. Promises and vows aren't worth shit when it comes to blood family,_ she thought to herself as she stepped carefully into the darkened room. She didn't want to. If she had the choice, she'd be literally anywhere else. _Yet here I am. And for some fucked up reason that I don't fully understand, I want to be._ The room was black save for a single light beside the hospital bed. Like a moth to flame, Cass glided towards the direction of that light that drew her in.

"Mom," she whispered, as both her mind and heart shed years like a snake did its skin. She sunk down into the seat beside the bed, tears welling up in her eyes. "Mom," she said again, her voice terse and her mind unable to come up with anything else. She knew this was the end and she couldn't do a damn thing about it, nor did she want to.

She felt four years old again, crying for her mother not to leave her at pre-school. _You clutched to her leg and literally crawled up her body. Her arms were so strong...her skin was soft and that perfume...she wore too much of it and even when she walked away you could almost taste it._ She remembered begging her mother not to go, not to leave her behind. She felt those strong emotions all over again. _It is timeless, I suppose._ This was her mama, for better or for worse, and she didn't want to her to go away. Not for good.

Cassandra didn't want her mother dead, no matter how many times she'd wished it while she was angry.

The sounds of the machine breathing for Megan July were surreal. A swoosh of air went into her mother's lungs like the machine was trying to push the life back into her. It was just enough to keep her heart beating, but her skin was cold and gray, and as powerful as the life support equipment in the room was, it all felt like a lie. _This is bullshit. She isn't alive, she just isn't dead._

There was very little to hold onto now, as much as Cassie wanted to be four years old and clutching at her mother's shoulders. That had been the innocence before the storm. After all Megan had done to her, she didn't want her back in her life at all. For years, she hadn't even thought about her.

 _Then why are you so torn up? Why are you longing for her to open her eyes?_

"It's all so fucked up," Cass mumbled to herself, threading her hand through her long blonde hair. "Why?" she asked a little louder, leaning over so she was close to her mother's face. She was looking for a billion answers, knowing not even one would be worth any form of forgiveness from this woman. "It's all bullshit. Everything was bullshit until I met Shelby and for a long time I felt okay again. I have a life now, and it's _good_. _So_ good. I wake up everyday and go to sleep every night with the love of my life. I am _successful_ doing what I _love_ to do. I guess I should thank you for those lessons, by the way. I have a daughter and now, it seems, a baby sister. So I guess you weren't completely terrible."

She stood up, a restless energy surging and prompting her to shift back and forth on the balls of her feet as she continued to stare down.

"You know, I dont give a fuck why, I guess. Why you did what you did. What does it matter? It changes nothing and I get to leave this place and go home to my wife, child, sister, and best friends knowing that I survived it and I came out stronger." Her voice was no longer a whisper, and she had a vague awareness that if she didn't calm down someone was going to kick her out of the hospital for the night. She couldn't stop herself, regardless. "What happened in the past and what you and dad did...it doesn't define me. And holding onto all of this isn't worth it. I deserve better, and so does Cadence."

She knew now what she was going to do; it was time to let go. The pain, memories, and the longing for a life that never belonged to her was preventing her from finding closure. The first step in doing that was to turn off the damn machines that had left her mother lingering between heaven and hell. Cassandra was positive where the woman would go, but seeing Cadence, Cass hoped her mother had at least tried to atone her mistakes. She wanted to believe that, because why else would Megan have named Cass as her baby sister's guardian?

 _Maybe the more you tell yourself she had a last minute change of heart the more you'll believe it._

And she really wanted to believe it.

"I love you, mom," she mumbled finally, leaning over and kissing her mother's cold forehead. She didn't question herself. She was willing herself to let go of the baggage and bullshit after all. This was her mother, and it was time to let her get to whatever afterlife there was. _Let God and fates judge where that will be._

She didn't say goodbye as she left the room, nor did she go to the doctor and instruct them to turn off the machines. There was no doubt in her mind that she would do it, but she wanted Shelby to be there when the time came to do so.

 **.** **.** **.**

By the end of one of the longest days of her life, Shelby was nursing a headache from hell itself, bordering on a migraine. Unable to just take medicine and go to bed, Shelby rested her head against the seat of the plane she was taking to Jersey and closed her eyes. She was glad she and Cass lived a comfortable life that allowed the luxury of a chartered flight instead of a major airline. If she had to put up with someone kicking her seat behind her or sitting beside her nursing a cold and spreading germs, she would not have responded kindly. Instead, she rode in relative quiet, with just the whirr of the plane's engine to interrupt her train of thought.

 _If my head would just leave me alone, I could sleep until the plane lands._ That was impossible, she knew, with nothing but anxious dreams and nervous thoughts weaving their way through her head and heart. If she let it happen, she would work herself up so much she would be unable to function.

 _Deep breaths, Shelby._ She coached herself. _You've been through intense situations before, and this is certainly no exception. You work well under pressure, and so does Cassie. Everything is going to be fine._

Soft instrumental music played through a set of headphones she connected to her iPhone and she forced herself to focus on the notes, picturing them in her head. It was something she had learned to do back when she was auditioning for a parts. Instead of watching her fellow performers and stressing herself out by comparing her voice, body, and dance moves to theirs, she had trained herself to focus solely on the music. The notes slid smoothly across the sheet music and Shelby's fingers struck imaginary piano keys.

Hearing a ping on the laptop she had pulled up in the seat next to her, Shelby opened her eyes and glanced down. It was a message from Cass-a picture. Shelby blinked, trying to get her tired eyes to greater clarity. After a second of processing what was happening, she tapped to open the message, her throat tightening as she swallowed back tears. Reunited sisters. Her Cassie's expression was solemn and almost blank as she stared forward, and the little baby in her arms looked so very tired, but they were sisters and they were together. According to Shelby, at this point, that was all that truly mattered. She couldn't help but wonder if the two were feeling a lot of the same things. Even though Cadence was a baby, she had to feel sadness, didn't she? Those negative energies surrounding her had to be taking their toll on her.

Shelby felt her heart seize with pain. Baby Cadence made her think of how Rachel must have looked as a baby. Rachel had not had an older sister to come to her rescue. That little girl had nobody besides Shelby who had failed her.

 _Though nobody will ever let me admit it._ Shelby scoffed to herself.

The baby picture made all of the strong feelings of the past few months in addition to the current atrocities her wife was facing come flooding at her. She was frightened, but aware of what needed to happen. This child needed her, and Cass needed a strong, supportive wife to carry the load as the dancer watched over her newly found baby sister, dying mother and dead ass of a father.

 _Now is not the time to be sobbing like a child!_ Shelby told herself. _It's not going to help anybody and if some damn sleaze with a camera catches that look on you it's just going to make things harder for Cassie. You aren't in Ohio anymore. You can't hide from the public eye and they'll never let Cassie have any peace if you give them something to look at._

Self-talk was fruitless, however, as Shelby wiped the tears that had fallen onto her keyboard. They smudged and she laughed at herself for worrying about something so trivial in a time like this. Although the press was no doubt making her wife's life much more miserable, it wasn't the main issue at hand. She knew that this breakdown was just the tip of the iceberg, but she couldn't break down like this once she was with Cassie. She needed to be that pillar of strength to help hold her wife up, as Cassie had always been for her.

She threw her head back against the seat and pulled her hands up through her hair. Her fingers caught in the chocolate brown tangles and she sucked in an unsteady breath. Another child to take care of when she was only just learning how to balance Rachel in their crazy life. A baby, no less, which they never even thought to prepare for. They were still so young to have to handle situations like this.

Shelby knew you couldn't prepare for times where life attacked you the way it was her and her wife, but she cursed herself for not doing so anyways.

Her laptop pinged again and she opened her eyes. Through her tears, she made out blurred words on a bright screen. Her temples sent a shock through her body as her migraine worsened.

 **Cass** [ I love you]

Shelby just stared for a minute, carefully wiped her tears with her sleeve, and took a second to calm her breathing. Her reply took too long to form in her mind as she attempted with little success to compose herself.

 **Cass** [ I love you so very much, Shelby Corcoran-July.]

Shelby sniffed back more tears and typed.

 **Shelby** [I love you, too]

She smiled her soft smile as she watched the screen, staring at the little dots that showed Cass was typing back. The air in the cabin felt a little lighter at the thought of her wife being closer to her.

 **Cass** [ When I see you, I am going to take you in my arms and never let you go]

Shelby dug a tissue out of her jeans and dabbed her eyes, picturing the bear hug in her mind. Now that was a mental picture to warm her soul. It was so much better than the coping mechanism she used with the music notes.

 **Shelby** [ And I am going to listen to your heartbeat, and kiss your shoulder the way you like it]

 **Cass** [ Hurry, Baby….I need you]

Shelby sucked in a breath and tapped the keys in thought. Did she tell Cassie what was really on her mind, or would that distract her? Make her feel worse? That was the last thing she wanted and yet, she knew she couldn't keep her innermost thoughts at bay.

 **Shelby** [ Cassie, I'm scared.]

 **Cass** [ I am holding you in my heart, sweetheart, and soon we will be in each other's arms. Don't be scared. I've got you.]

There was a pause where Shelby narrowed her eyes in thought. Of course her Cassandra would never admit she was scared. Or, at least, she wouldn't admit it so easily. Instead, she responded,

 **Cass** [ I can't do this without you.]

 **Shelby** [ Remember, I am holding you as much as you are holding me. You are not alone, love.]

 **Cass** [Of course.]

A moment of nothing.

 **Cass** [Change of plans. I'm picking you up at the airport.]

Shelby wanted to discourage that. She knew it might draw attention of more photographers, but it was also pushing midnight. Maybe they would get lucky and dodge the sons of bitches, but Shelby did not kid herself. This was the area where the city never sleeps. It was not Lima, Ohio where they roll up the sidewalk at dark. In truth, Shelby wanted Cassie to be the first thing she saw in the city. She needed to feel her, smell her, and hear her voice.

 **Shelby** [ Okay, love. The plane should be landing soon.]

The New York City skyline graced Shelby's window and she let out an audible sigh. She missed it, admittedly, and knew it would be time to go back soon. After many a plane trip and a few helicopter jaunts she knew the landscape pretty well from the air. She knew when they flew over the Broadway district and she got a familiar pang of excitement to be so close to the theatre again. It distracted her temporarily from her true intent of her trip.

Quickly, she fished out her phone and checked the time. It was one fifteen am. It had taken much longer than planned to get to New Jersey, but her intended flight had been cancelled due to mechanical issues with the plane. Even though she'd chartered a flight, she had to wait an extra half hour for them to find a different one.

Just landed, Shelby fired off a quick joint text to Cass and Holly; she was too tired to send one a piece. She was running on extreme amounts of anxiety and caffeine, and was keenly aware that the lights of the city would not, in fact, help her raging headache.

Holly had warned her, also, that Cass was being followed. Shelby knew that she would also be a target for photographers if recognized, therefore she was in her faded, ripped knee jeans, Nike running shoes, grey T Shirt, black jacket, and New York Yankees ball cap. Her hair was in a french braid threaded through the back of the cap. She had on the barest of make-up. So far, her minimal disguise had worked, though she'd just been to the airport in Ohio where she was basically ignored. Shelby was not sure she would have that luxury coming into Jersey, especially once they noticed she was the only person on the plane.

A text lit up her screen almost immediately. It was from Holly.

 **Holly** [Pick up your security detail. Airport Security owed me a favor I cashed in. You have an escort from the gate to your lover girl. Look for a limo outside.]

J _ust like Holly_ , Shelby thought to herself. _Keeping us both straight and thinking one step ahead. But I really wish she'd chosen a more discreet car than a fucking limo._

Shelby texted her confirmation. Her bout of tears was temporarily gone. She would be reunited with her soulmate soon.

. . .

Shelby smirked and pulled her arms over herself as she walked past the cluster of paparazzi in the airport Starbucks. They had been sitting, waiting and watching the disembarking passengers walk out of baggage claim. While she doubted they were looking for _her_ in particular, Shelby knew if she was spotted she would have them trailing her all the way out to her ride. The singer was tired, moody, and felt she was in need of a hot shower with her wife. Cab drivers stood in a line at the curb, but they might as well have been ignoring her, and she'd managed to get through most of the airport unrecognized. The doors of the airport whooshed open and Shelby stepped outside, her eyes tracking back and forth. Her ride was there somewhere, she knew, but pinpointing where would be the challenge. She dodged a man in a suit dragging a large suitcase, and then looked up as she heard her name called.

"Ms. Corcoran?" an older man in a pristine black suit called to her. Shelby smiled fondly at the man. It was Henry. Dear, sweet, Henry, her driver. Holly had hired him as her chauffeur after she was nominated for a Tony for "Rent" and he had been her driver for every concert and show since. The man was a saint who kept his mouth shut when she and Cass first started dating. He had driven her to pick out her wife's engagement ring, had driven her and Cassie to the award show the night she won the Tony for "Wicked", and put up with rants about pompous hateful, self-absorbed actors, musicians, and the theatre elite she had to put up with to earn her salary. In blatant terms, he was a gem and she'd missed him dearly.

"Henry!" She exclaimed, managing a tired smile when he opened the car door for her after taking her carry-on bag. "What a great surprise, though I wish it was under better circumstances..."

"When Ms. Holly called me this morning, I took the Lincoln in for a car wash and made sure they shined the wheels," Henry told her in his calm, quiet voice. "I know you are not going to be performing this visit, but I wanted you to ride in the style you deserve."

"I have missed you, Henry," Shelby told him, giving him a one armed hug. She blinked back tears. She couldn't believe she was getting emotional seeing her driver, but the singer doubted it would take much to set her off.

 _It's better I do it before Cassie sees me_ , Shelby thought to herself. _I need to be strong for her. I can't be the emotional one. Not this time._ After taking a moment to steel herself, the brunette leaned to get inside the car. The familiar scent of Dolce and Gabbana perfume alerted her senses and her heart leapt.

"Cassie!" she sighed in relief, her eyes watering once more. _Dammit, Shelby._

She did not get into the limo as much as fell into her wife's arms, inhaling deeply and kissing the side of Cassandra's neck.

 _Gods, this is home,_ she concluded to herself. _Whether we're in Lima, Ohio or fucking New Jersey._

"Sit your ass down, Corcoran," Holly practically growled from the seat next to them. "It's well past 1 am, and I still have a bone to pick with you for not waiting until tomorrow morning to travel like everybody else. Not only am I having to ride along with this one," Holly elbowed Cass, who was still too enthralled in her wife's "But now I have to put up with you _both,_ getting it on while _my_ girl is back in Ohio."

"Yep!" Cass answered back, pushing Shelby off her lap to sit with her back to the seat, "Because if April was here, you would be cuddled up under the sheets on the waterbed you insisted I purchase for you in the guest bedroom of the apartment." although her tone was quippy and there was a twinge of true irritation, Holly knew she was mostly just teasing. Sarcasm was the group's best therapy.

"You know I love warm, moist heat to sleep against," Holly spoke in a slow, deep, seductive voice which ended Shelby's tears.

"Honestly Hol, is it all sex for you?" Shelby grumbled, moving over and snapping her seatbelt. "You don't even have a waterbed in the Victorian. "

"That's why I _need_ that bed in Jersey, sweet cheeks! I'm being pulled away from my solitude of warm women curves to keep me comfortable at night."

"Shut the hell up Holiday," Shelby smirked, sure the two best friends could see how bright she was despite the fact they were in a dark car. "She'll be here soon."

Cassie kissed Holly's head in silent gratitude of keeping the mood light "You put Shelby in a mood, and I'm the one who won't get anything, and then my ass will be sleeping in the damn waterbed. You, my dear, will be moved to the couch."

"Hmph," Holly mumbled under her breath, growing quiet as Henry came around to the front seat and started the limo for the ride across the bridge.

. . .

It was surreal to say the least, to be back in the New York apartment. It'd been so long since the trio had been there, they'd almost forgotten what it looked like.

"It's so...quaint." Holly laughed, dropping her purse by the doorway.

"It's no mansion," Shelby agreed. "And once you're used to that sort of thing, this seems so small in comparison…"

"First world problems," Casie scoffed, crossing her arms as she made her way to the kitchen to find the take out menus. If she remembered right, they were in the drawer on the left. "We're the people everyone hates." she fished around until she found a cuisine that looked good. "Chinese okay?"

Holly and Shelby just nodded at her and Cassie picked up the phone to order.

The apartment was so modern-chic compared to the mansion in Ohio, which was dated and classy. Shelby fell back onto the grey couch and pulled her favorite, white fuzzy pillow to her chest, inhaling its sweet scent. This apartment smelled different than Lima, too, though she couldn't figure out why.

"I forgot how much we actually left here," she remarked, staring at the fully furnished living room. "What all did we leave in the bedroom? Do we still have clothes here?" she shot up at the thought, rushing to the other room. A squeal could be heard well into the living room.

"What is it?" Holly asked, smiling softly at Shelby's excitement. She and Cassie had up and moved out of the city so suddenly they hardly had time to mourn the old place. Now that they were back, although Cassie detested being so close to her hometown, it was obvious just how much Shelby missed the busy city streets, the lights at night, and the natural business of it all.

"Our stuff from college!" Shelby called back. "We didn't bring any of it with us?"

Cassandra yawned, hanging up the phone. "We had to have taken _some_ of it…" she walked lazily back to the living room, clearly more tired than Shelby. "Food will be here in 30."

Holly scoffed. "If you can stay awake that long, anyways…"

Cass gave her the middle finger, finding a throw blanket across the back of a chair and wrapping herself up in it, collapsing into the chair with a sigh.

"Shit, I told Rachel I'd facetime her…" Shelby remembered as she speed walked back to the living room. "I'll go through our old stuff later."

Scrunching her nose, Cass opened one eye at her wife, suspiciously. "Facetime? How the hell-"

"Later," Shelby cut her off. It didn't make Cass stop glaring, but she seemed to accept it enough to not argue. She was too tired, anyway. Shelby reached for her phone and Holly raised an eyebrow.

"At 2 am? You're going to wake her up."

"I know, I know, but I have to see her. I miss her so much already. Besides, she asked me to." Shelby pressed her lips together and hit call.

Although she knew Cass wasn't really in the mood and everyone was tired to the point of annoyance, she didn't want to break her promise. Rachel's trust level was so minimal already. It would just be a quick hello and goodbye.

The little one answered sleepily, with a big yawn. "Mommy? Are you with Mama and Holly?" her voice was rough from having just woken up, and her eyes were only half open.

"I am, Rach. We all love you very much. I wanted to call before I went to bed..."

"I love you too…" Rachel yawned again, the phone too close to her face from tired arms trying to hold it up. "Can I see Mama and Holly before you hang up?"

Shelby panned the room and Rachel laughed. "You all look so sleepy," she commented, her laugh turning into another yawn.

"We are, Rach, just like you," Shelby smiled. "I'm going to hang up so you can get some sleep now, okay?"

"...okay mommy…" it was practically a whisper. "I love you, goodnight."

"I love you, too."

When the phone went black Shelby leaned back and swallowed tears. Although she'd only been reunited with Rachel for a short period of time, they'd never spent a night without each other. Rachel didn't seem torn up about it at all, which Shelby had to remind herself was a good thing. _That means she didn't fight with April or give her a hard time...and also that I need her a little more than she needs me._ A twinge of sadness flashed across her face, but she did her best to hide it. This wasn't the time.

She stood and made her way into the old bedroom she and Cassie used to share. _I'll distract myself with memories,_ she decided.

She sorted through old photos-snapshots from shows and rehearsals and pictures of her with Holly, Cassie, and April partying. A soft smile graced Shelby's lips as the memories flooded her head. Part of her wished they could go back to that life, where things seemed simpler. They were still so young, and it was hard at times to remember with the amount of responsibility they always had to take on.

 _You just turned 26 years old. You're no longer performing on Broadway. You live a plane ticket away from this beautiful city...BUT you have your daughter back, you have a beautiful wife, you run an amazing school...that doesn't mean you can't miss New York…_

The buzzer over the intercom of the apartment jolted her from her own personal memory lane. She quickly put the photo box back, vowing to go through everything else in the apartment before flying back to Ohio.

. . .

The lights of the city streamed into the bedroom. It brought back so many memories for Shelby and she felt the pull of her old home as she stared out the window. It always had been her dream as a little girl to come here and perform. Her dreams had come with a lot of hard work. She also had met the love of her life here. Now, even though she was still young, she'd taken herself away from the theatre world she'd worked hard to get into.

Shelby reached up an drew the shades for what was left of the night. The only light now was that of the nightlight in the bathroom. Shelby's eyes grew accustomed to the shadows as she stripped her clothes, letting them drop to the carpet. The only noise was Cassie's soft snore.

 _My love, you fell asleep with your clothes on_ , Shelby thought to herself, squinting in the darkness down at their king size bed. _It seems we have done this before,_ Shelby remembered times Cassie fell into bed after long rehearsals when she was preparing for a show. Cass had a way of going in earlier than the other cast members and staying late. She would come home to the apartment and literally drop. As gently as possible, Shelby went through the motions of undressing her wife, her touch soft. After stripping Cassie down to her panties, Shelby reached into her dresser and pulled out one of those old T Shirts from college. She arranged the bedding so Cass would be comfortable, slipping the T shirt over her head.

Shower, Shelby told herself. Trudging into the bathroom in the dark, she waited to turn the light on until she had closed the door. She was pleasantly surprised to see she had left a candle on the shelf. It was lit in no time and Shelby turned the bathroom light off once more. Her favorite soap was still in the shower. While the apartment was not quite home like the mansion in Ohio, they'd left enough of their stuff for it to still be cozy.

It had been their first home together and remained their safe haven. The water sluicing down her arms, Shelby tried to mentally wash the days stress away. The day had been so long. It had started with running the show for the end of the year program for the school's youngest students. It had been full speed, non stop since then. The candle's aroma combined with the hot water did their job. The muscles in her shoulders and neck had lost most of their stiffness. Her mind was quickly shutting off. As quietly as possible, Shelby exited the bathroom and opened her dresser. Instead of a T shirt, she pulled out a tank top and some boy shorts underwear. It was not her usual attire anymore but it was worn, soft and comfortable.

Shelby felt herself sinking into the mattress and groaned in relief. It felt good to just shut her eyes and snuggle into the silk sheets. It felt even better when Cass turned in her sleep and placed an arm possessively around her waist. Sleep did not come as instantaneously for Shelby as it had Cass. Her mind could not shut off totally due to the uncertainty of the unknown. Even though it was practically morning.

She was afraid she would stumble through some of this unable to be the perfect wife and caregiver to the two July girls.

"You are thinking to hard baby, you woke me up," Cass spoke up, her voice soft, raspy, and sleepy. It was a tone that Shelby rarely heard. "Come on, sweetheart. Spoon with me, and think about our love for one another. Match your breathing to mine and let me rock you to sleep. It's nearly time to get up..."

Their bodies fit together and Shelby could feel the dancer's breathing. She copied it, and all her worries were whisked away as sleep finally settled over her.


	7. Making Her Debut

**keeperofwords here: So this update is much shorter than we usually do and trust me there is a lot more we have written that comes after this. We just decided to highlight this special, cute moment. You know with us we have more than our fair share of darkness, triggers and angst. This is pure cuteness overload. Please note that some of what is described here comes from real life for me. Please enjoy and throw us a review. We live for those.**

 **Hayley here: As always, we thank you for your patience. We both have full time jobs and I have school and yada yada. I know it's not news to any of you how busy we are, but we truly appreciate your patience with us either way. As my lovely co author said, we have quite a few chapters pre-written that are going through final revisions and edits currently, so there's plenty where this came from. Love to all of you, and please review!**

 **Chapter 7: Making Her Debut**

Shelby blocked out the sounds of the fans, the traffic and photographers for those disgusting magazines as she slid into the limo. She had slept like the dead curled around her wife, though she'd expected to be restless knowing that she would soon be meeting Cassie's mother and little sister. But her old bed felt comfortable, and like home. The sounds of the city had been just as soothing, if not more so, as the crickets back in Ohio. Henry was standing at the door blocking a clear shot from the paparazzi Shelby remembered from her years living in the city.

 _What is taking Cass so long?_ Shelby drummed her fingers anxiously. The singer chastised herself for her impatience when she looked out the window of the car.

Cassandra July was in full character. She had stopped to speak to a young man in an NYU T Shirt with a camera. He was totally out of his element standing with the other members of the so called "press". Cass posed for a picture, flashing her smile and twirling around.

 _God she is such a ham_ , Shelby thought to herself as she winked at the others standing there. "Gods, she is so beautiful," Shelby remarked out loud, seeing Henry nod his head subtly. "And I am married to her."

"Morning Henry," Cass told the older gentleman as she slid into the seat next to her wife. "Holly meeting up with the personal shopper to get Cadence some stuff?" the blonde asked, trying to remember what Holly had yelled to her when she was in the shower that morning.

"Yes. Diapers, clothes, that car seat, and a something for her to sleep in," Shelby answered, looking straight ahead to avoid staring at the crowd as the car moved forward. She was just not in the mood for the scrutiny this morning. She was about to meet her wife's baby sister who she was basically going to be co-parenting. There was a good chance she would see Cassie's mother for the first time. That was unnerving. To top it all off, her heart ached missing Rachel. The singer reached over to take her wife's hand. She knew Cassie only went into character for those cameras because it was easier than focusing on her current situation.

Cass felt like she might just throw up if she focused on her own mentality. She was not sure how long she could handle all of this. Shelby holding her hand was the only thing that kept her from telling Henry to take them to a bar for some liquid courage.

 _One light, two lights,_ Cass counted down the street blocks to the hospital with a sense of dread low in her stomach. She knew her wife was not doing much better. Shelby's hand was ice cold and she was clearing her throat consistently. When Shelby put her head on Cassie's shoulder, Cassie threaded her fingers through Shelby's long dark hair. No words were spoken between the two of them, but their body language was enough.

"The unknown is a bitch," Cass murmured into Shelby's ear. "At least Rachel could carry on a conversation, was relatively independent...and was toilet trained." she said as an afterthought.

"We were just as afraid then, too," Shelby whispered back, nuzzling Cassie's ear. "And if this kid looks as much like you as the pictures did, she will have us under her spell so quickly that we won't even think about all of our worries any more. It will come just as naturally as it did with Rachel." Shelby wasn't sure if she was trying to convince her wife, or trying to convince herself.

"She has dimples," Cass said simply, smiling as she lifted Shelby's had to kiss her ring finger. "And her hair, it's darker than mine, but if it is anything like Monica's it will lighten when she gets some of that summer sunshine."

The couple fell into a comfortable silence until they made it to the hospital. Henry took them to a service entrance around the rear of the building. Hand in hand, Cass and Shelby matched each others' steps and entered the building.

Shelby let Cass lead the way. While the pair had gotten stares in the lobby and elevator, no one paid them any attention on the pediatric floor. It was almost peaceful. The children had no idea who they were, and the staff were too busy doing their jobs to care. The parents had more important things to focus on than looking at a famous broadway power couple. Shelby found herself letdown when they did not find Cadence in her assigned room. A nurse had pointed them up the hall to a playroom instead.

Shelby's breath hitched and her eyes widened in surprise as a little streak toddled quickly past the doorway.

 _And I have to chase her around?_ Shelby thought, already suspecting having a toddler around would be like doing sprints on the track at the gym. A sudden thought occurred to her. _What the hell are we supposed to do about our grand staircase?_ Shelby stood ramrod straight in the doorway and watched. There was absolutely no question that this baby was related to her wife. Everything about her was Cassandra July, from the wide expressive eyes, to the cute little nose and the face of concentration the kid had as she climbed on what seemed to be a small plastic slide.

"Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" the blonde little girl exclaimed as she went down the slide.

"How can she do that?" Cass sputtered. "I thought babies were clumsy and fell around alot? She seems so young to be….I mean I guess she's one…"

"Well, if she is your sister, I am not surprised Cassandra," Shelby smiled in spite of herself. "You don't know how to sit still, does it surprise you your kid sister doesn't either? She probably skipped crawling all together..."

Cadence picked a bright purple plastic ball up off the floor put it on the slide, laughing as it rolled down.

"Uh ohh," Cadence exclaimed as the ball rolled off the slide and across the floor. The toddler took off after it, crashing into Cassie's legs and clutching onto her pants with little fingers so she would not fall.

"Well hello there, kid," Cass smiled, bending down to rub the toddler's back. "Do you remember me?" Cass did not really expect her to, but asked anyways just in case. "I'm your sister, Cassie."

"Cee Cee?" Cadence questioned, holding up her arms to be lifted. Tiny hands started patting the older July's cheeks, Cadence's imploring eyes staring quizzically at her older sister.

"So, I look okay?" Cass joked, secretly wondering if her baby sister thought she looked like her mom. She quickly discarded that notion, knowing that as long as she didn't have that bitch's personality, she was fine. "Cadence, I want to introduce you to someone. This is my wife. This is Shelby."

Cadence followed Cassie's hands as they gestured towards Shelby and the singer literally felt her heart skip a beat. Those eyes met hers and Shelby felt something click into place she could not put her finger on. She reached a shaking finger out, tentatively, feeling like a bundle of nerves. She wanted this kid to like her so desperately, and wasn't sure she could handle any sort of rejection. Sure that her nerves were radiating off of her, she took a deep breath to calm herself.

"Bee," the toddler spoke, sticking a hand out to grasp the brunette's long brown hair.

"Sorry Shelbs," Cass spoke apologetically, reaching out for Cadence's hand to pull it away.. "I should have warned you. Cadence has a thing for hair, and yours is long, thick, and gorgeous. At least she has good taste."

"Flattery will get you everywhere, July," Shelby flirted, appreciating her wife trying to ease her nerves with the gentle banter.

"That's what I am counting on, Corcoran," Cassandra pressed a quick kiss to her wife's cheek before bumping her sister's button nose. A wide smile formed on Cadence's face. "Want to hold her?" Cass asked carefully. She had noticed Shelby twisting her wedding ring with her fingers nervously.

"No," Shelby knew she'd answered too quickly, and tried to correct herself. "I mean, she wants to play right now..." Shelby noticed the little girl had lost interest and was squirming to get down.

"Well, just for a minute then," Cass insisted. "You need a proper introduction." Cass ignored Cadence's squirming and little lip starting to pucker as she transferred the toddler into her wife's arms.

"Hi there, pretty girl," Shelby spoke to the baby, trying to relax her posture. She spun the baby around in an attempt to entertain her. It worked a minute, before Cadence squirmed again.

"Down," Cadence spoke to the singer. Even as the toddler was pointing down and moving restlessly, she was nuzzling into Shelby's neck and the singer inhaled deeply. Shelby breathed in Cadence's unique scent and committed it to memory. This warm, small body was so soft and full of life. Shelby felt intimidated, but she also fell in love.

"Okay, go play," Shelby said, kissing the baby's soft, dark blonde hair and setting her down on the floor. The little girl half-ran, half-stumbled to the mini slide. The cuts she had from the accident were scabbed over, and the bruises were a dark grayish blue as they were healing.

"She's beautiful Cass," Shelby turned around and grabbed her wife's arms, encouraging her to hold her. Cass was more than happy to oblige.

"My kid sister does not need to be called a big ass name like Cadence," Cass grumped as she watched the little one play, hating that name the more she was having to use it. "I almost hate it as much as I hate when people call me Cassandra. Well. People besides you."

"Well, she'll need a nickname, then," Shelby told her simply, stepping out of her wife's embrace just enough to wrap an arm around her. Shelby didn't ask her if she was okay. How could she be? "I love you," Shelby looked deeply into Cassie's eyes.

"I love you too," Cass replied, letting her eyes make love to her soulmate. "We've got this." she sounded more sure than she felt. It scared the hell out of her, all of it, but she had no doubt she and Shelby were up for the challenge.


	8. Call Me Crazy

**keeperofwords here: There is so much in this chapter. It was written over time in little sections but we both believe it turned out well. Just to prevent confusion, in the middle, we have Cadence's POV. Another notation, Shelby is singing one of my favorite songs from the musical, "Sweeney Todd". Everytime I hear it, I hear Barbra Streisand's voice. I bet Idina could do it just as well however. Some liberties were taken with hospital protocol but this is fiction after all so work with us. I literally have so many favorite parts in this one. I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it with my awesome, talented and wonderful co-author. Please send those reviews and feed our muse. Thanks as always for your support.**

 **Chapter 8: Call Me Crazy**

Shelby blinked and shifted on the uncomfortable couch cushion in the lobby of the pediatric floor. She and Cass had just had yet another talk with the hospital case worker. The pile of brochures on raising a child was intimidating enough. Potty Training, Discipline and Correction, Nutrition, Speech, Childhood Milestones Through the Second Year, Baby-Proofing Your Home, and there was even one on NY laws for car seats. Cass sat with Shelby and they clutched each others' hands while the woman went through her spiel. Then Cass had asked if the hospital had someone to "show" them how to put this car seat in correctly. When the woman told her no, because the hospital didn't want any liability if they were in an accident, Cass had about lost it.

She had the personal restraint to wait until the woman walked out of the room.

"Shelby...that woman and this hospital..." Cass growled under her breath, looking at her wife with her hands clenched. "All I was asking was how to properly put the car seat in so Cadence will be safe." Cass gritted her teeth and then continued, "This pamphlet doesn't tell me anything, and dammit, my sister was _just_ in a car accident, I don't want to carry her out of here and something happen to her with these crazy city drivers who have their heads in their asses. They worry about liability? I thought hospitals were supposed to care about people, and help them so that they are able to stay safe. They probably want me to hurry and pull the plug on my mom so they can get the hospital bed open for the next person and make more money..."

Shelby had the sense to keep silent. Cass was on the verge of going into a "moment". Anything she said could set her off. Years of knowing her soulmate had taught her this. Everything with her sister, mom dying and father's death had caused Cass to be at her mental limit. What Shelby could do, was reach out her arm and let it rest around Cassie's shoulders to tell her wife that she was there for her. While Cassie's shoulders didn't exactly relax, the dancer did scoot closer to her. Shelby knew if they were left alone for just five minutes, Cass would settle down on her own.

Shelby cursed to herself when a nurses aide stepped in.

"Ms July, could you fill out your sister's dinner menu card for tonight?" her tone was innocent and she sounded tired.

"Why do we need to fill out a dinner card?" Shelby answered for her wife, figuring it was for the better. Cass was really not in the mood to speak to anybody, and this was already sounding like another problem was forming.

"Well, didn't the case worker tell you?" the curly redhead asked, her voice now softer and slower. It was clear she regretted walking into the room and was realizing she was sharing some news that wouldn't been received well. Cassandra's eyes widened, clearly already annoyed with whatever was about to be said. The nurse's aide took a deep breath before she spoke. "Your sister's discharge is on hold. You didn't get the car seat she needs to be able to leave the hospital safely and securely by 1pm for an afternoon discharge. She can still leave this evening if you produce a car seat in the next three hours or you won't be able to take her home until tomorrow morning."

"Excuse me," Cass said tersely, standing up and walking away without another word or looking back. She had enough of this shit. She just wanted to go home.

 **.** **.** **.**

Holly pressed her cell closer to her ear, holding her hand up to the other so she could hear better. April's sweet voice was the one thing she missed the most while they were away. It calmed her and reminded her that there was beauty in a world that was often so cruel. Contrary to Shelby and Cassandra's belief system, Holly couldn't be everyone else's backbone without April being hers.

"I'm sure you're all just stressed and tired, honey bunch," April rationalized. "Things will get better once you're all back in Ohio."

Holly bit her lower lip and kicked her foot against the wall in thought. She was standing just around the corner from Cadence's hospital room, trying not to be too loud so she wouldn't disturb the young ones in the rooms around her.

"Yeah, I don't know." she brought her voice to a half-whisper, feeling dejected as of late. "I think part of Shelby misses the city. She treats these streets more like home than she ever has the streets in Lima. You should've seen how excited she was to be in the old apartment, she started going through all of their stuff from college…"

"It was a big adjustment for her to move back," April noted. There was a silence that Holly filled with another thoughtful, heavy exhale. April continued, "Maybe she's just being nostalgic. You know she gets that way when she's put in a situation that makes her uncomfortable or nervous...It was too hard for Cassie to live there, most likely, and with Shelby on that search for Rachel it made sense for them to be in Lima at the time...What about Cassie? How's she holding up?"

Although everyone had been thinking it, April was the only one brave enough to ask about her.

"Jesus, what _about_ Cassie?" Holly repeated, unsure where to even begin.

. . .

Cass was pacing the halls of the hospital again. It was something she'd taken to doing frequently- the skin on her lips was raw from nervous picking, her palms sweaty, and her head throbbing. Shelby was back in Cadence's room, keeping the little one company. Cass spun on her heels and walked in the other direction, making her way around the corner and jumping back, slightly, surprised to see Holly standing there. Her back was to Cassie, her phone against her ear.

Not wanting to interrupt her conversation, Cassie stayed quiet and stopped walking. She felt like she'd been enough of a burden to Holly in the past few days, and didn't need to bother her anymore than she already had been. Besides, she was probably talking to April, and Cass knew how much they were missing each other.

Just as she was about to turn and walk away, she heard her name in the conversation.

"...Honestly, April, I'm not sure what to do anymore. I love her to death of course I do, but this is just so much for her. She doesn't know what she's taking on, and I know she has no choice, but it's making her crazy, and-"

"Oh, so now _you_ think I'm crazy, too? That's fair, I guess." Cass's arms were crossed over her chest, her expression crestfallen. She hadn't meant to eavesdrop on Holly but she was close enough to the woman that she overheard before she had the chance to walk in another direction. Now, she was glad she had heard her. If that's what Holly really thought...

Holly jumped and turned to face her best friend, her jaw dropped. _Shit. Fuck. No. That was taken out of context._ "April, I have to go…" her voice trailed off and her lover knew exactly what had happened by the tone of it. She agreed to talk to her later and quickly hung up, leaving the two best friends to fight it out in the pediatric ward of the hospital. Holly visibly gulped.

"Cassie," she started calmly, taking a step towards her. Cassie stepped back in sync.

"Oh please, don't you fucking _Cassie_ me. You only said what _everyone_ is thinking." Cass's beautiful green eyes started to fill with tears she knew she couldn't hide for much longer. She bit hard at her lower lip. "Cassie isn't cut out for parenting, especially not to a baby! Hell, she can hardly keep track of Rachel and _she's_ damn near self-sufficient!"

"Cassandra, we can't do this here," Holly lowered her voice to an intense whisper, grabbing Cass by the arm and practically dragging her down the hallway and towards the waiting room, away from the patient rooms so they wouldn't bother anyone.

"Why?" Cass shrugged her off, harshly, her voice raising. "Afraid the damn paparazzi is going to put me on the front page? Let them. I don't even care at this point." she turned to face the front doors of the lobby where the usual group of 5-10 cameramen were flashing away, trying to get the best shot of her. She widened her arms at them and Holly pulled them back down again, trying to get Cassie to snap back into it.

"You're being obnoxious," Holly snapped. "You know that I didn't call you crazy."

"Now I'm crazy _and_ obnoxious," Cass nodded her head in approval. "Awesome. Got anything else? Might as well hit me with them all at once."

"Cassie, stop it…"

"No, _you_ stop it," Cass pointed her finger at Holly. "You know I love and appreciate every single thing you do for us, Holly, but for you to call me crazy is a brand new low. Especially with all that you know about me. I'm working my _ass_ off trying to keep my shit together and for what? For a baby that can't tell the difference? For the stupid ass camera people that only have power over me in this god forsaken state that I'm about to leave again for the next couple of years as soon as this misery is over? Who am I trying to prove myself to, after all that's happened?" she said with a scoff, a tear rolling down her cheek. "My best friend in the whole world, I guess." she wiped her tear away, furiously.

"Cassie," Holly's tone went soft. "I'm so sorry. It was out of context. I only meant that-"

"I know what you meant!" Cass practically laughed she was so angry. "I know _exactly_ what you meant. I just thought that you of all people would be the one person who understood my crazy, and accepted it. Not the one who criticized it."

"Honey, I would never criticize you or talk badly about you to anybody-"

"Except April, about how I'm not ready to take all of this on. I heard exactly what you said, Holly. I just never thought I'd heard you say it out loud. You're always the one reassuring me. Always the one telling me I can do things and that I have control...not the other way around. My best friend doesn't even believe in me. At least my wife still does." she turned to start walking away and Holly let out a low growl.

"How _dare_ you say I don't believe in you?" she demanded. "Newsflash, July-would I have followed your sorry ass all the way to fucking Jersey if I didn't? If I didn't absolutely love and support you wholeheartedly, like I always do? I'm just concerned for you, and I was letting April know that you're struggling with this. That's _completely_ normal-"

"God, spare me," Cass rolled her eyes, staring Holly down once more and clenching a fist at her side anxiously. "Our family doesn't know the meaning of the word."

"Cassandra July, I know you like the back of my hand. You're stressed, you're frustrated, and you're emotionally overwhelmed. You don't mean anything you're saying, and-"

"And now you're telling me what I need, too?"

"Don't play that game with me, July. I've helped you run your life for as long as I can remember. I'm your personal assistant, I'm your office assistant, and I'm your fucking lawyer. So yes, I'm telling you _exactly_ what you need, because holding all of those titles in addition to best friend, that's my job. Let me do my job." Holly was almost pleading with her now, unsure what else to do. Although her words were intimidating, her tone was a cry for Cassie to just understand. To forgive her for misspeaking. _She just needs time to cool down._ "You know I know that you are more than capable of taking custody of Cadence, being the kickass woman you are, and being mother to Rachel."

Cassie swallowed hard. "I thought I did," her voice was a whisper and she knew she needed to be somewhere else before she hurt Holly more than she already had. She couldn't fix the fight she'd started, but that didn't mean she wasn't still upset. "I can't look at you right now." she pushed past Holly and back down the hall, towards Cadence's room.

. . .

"Sweet Jesus," Cassie groused, looking around the hall. "Where the hell is she?"

The nurses were passing out dinner trays on the pediatric floor. Cadence would be getting whatever it was children that young ate on her tray very soon. _But what do they eat?_ Their nurse had handed her a menu to choose from, but Shelby didn't know any more than Cassie did. Holly babysat the children of her professors while she was still in law school, she would know these was so much happening that Cassie wasn't sure where to start, and this among many other reasons was why she hated when she and Holly fought. She couldn't do any of this without her.

The case worker was talking to her about having a car seat before she would be able to take Cadence home. Cassandra was only half listening, resisting the urge to kick the painted elephant on the wall for good measure. _Can't have them calling CPS on Crazy Cassie July for being unnecessarily violent…_

Not that Holly had told her where she was going, but Cassandra felt lost not knowing where she was. _I depend on her too much._ She was still mad at her. Spinning on her heel to go back into her sister's hospital room, she scowled when the phone in her pants pocket buzzed. _I swear to god, if it's Holly I'm throwing it across the room. I'm not answering her. I won't. Nothing she says will convince me otherwise._ Annoyed by the fact that it was probably important, Cass pulled out her phone and looked at the screen.

 **Holly:** [Caz…]

Cassie's stomach dropped. It had been a long time since Holly had called her Caz, but she still remembered the promise they'd made to each other about their secret nicknames. She fell back against the wall with a heavy breath, annoyed that Holly had stooped so low, but appreciative that she hadn't left Cass alone for long.

 **Cassie:** [Where are you?]

 **Holly:** [Outside, sitting on the bench across the street from the hospital…]

In short order, Cass told Shelby she was heading downstairs and rapidly tapped the elevator button even though she knew pressing it once would suffice.

 **Cassie:** [On my way.]

. . .

Crocodile tears slid heavily down the baby's cheeks. She was tired, scared and unhappy. Things had been okay when she was playing earlier. She had finally been allowed to play and have fun, but then the ladies in the big coats had come to get her. Now, it seemed like she had been trapped in this metal bed forever. They had taken her from the person who looked like mommy and brought her back to the crib that she hated so much.

The toddler stood up and held on to the cold bars of the bed, opened her mouth, and screamed. She hated it here. Where was her mommy? The place smelled funny and the bandages sticking to her were pulling at her skin and bothering her; they kept her from moving around as easily as she liked.

Angry and with a show of true July temper, the blonde haired green eyed baby girl rattled the bars as hard as she could. She felt like nobody was listening to her. Nobody was paying her attention. Where was mommy? Something was wrong. She just knew. Mommy wasn't here and that was not right.

Why was it always so dark in the room? Cadence loved the light, and basked in it. Especially sunlight. Here, she felt stuffy and sad. It was too dark. She didn't want to go to sleep no matter how tired she was. She couldn't relax here. The sounds, smells and strangers upset her too much.

She continued to scream at the top of her lungs, but it did no good. The screams made her start to cough and she abruptly stopped trying to be vocal. It hurt when she coughed, and that just made her want to cry more. She was hot, annoyed, and the T shirt she was wearing was sweaty against her skin. With her eyes so full of tears, it was hard to see. Before she could protest any more, a pair of hands were picking her up. Unlike what had occured recently, they were soft and they cuddled her close.

"Sweet Cady-bug," the soft soprano voice crooned. The voice was not one she knew well, but she instantly relaxed as the female spoke lovingly to her and swayed her back and forth.

Yes, this was definitely better. She felt her T Shirt lifted off of her tummy to wipe her tears. It felt even better when it was taken off of her completely. A sudden chill ran through her but it didn't last long because a warm, soft blanket was wrapped around her back in its place. Her front was tucked into soft curves. Now, Cadence didn't feel so distraught. She clutched onto this new person, knowing she was not going to let go no matter what.

The woman carried her across the room to a rocking chair. Cadence curled then flexed her little toes as this loving person rubbed her back and hummed. She relaxed more and more, starting to feel very tired. She pulled at the shirt the woman was wearing until she felt an opening at the bottom, tucking a hand into the woman's warm skin. She continued to pull on the shirt until she was able to put her face against it, setting her nose to the exposed skin and inhaling. Her young mind imprinted the smell and connected to it. This person smelled of gentleness, comfort and safety. Cadence knew this instinctively, so she let her defenses down. She knew she was going to fall asleep, but it was okay to do so.

Then then this person's soft but strong voice began to sing to her.

 _ **Nothing's gonna harm you**_

 _ **Not while I'm around**_

 _ **Nothing's gonna harm you**_

 _ **Little one not while I'm around**_

 _ **Demons are prowling everywhere nowadays**_

 _ **I'll send them howling, I don't care, I've got ways**_

 _ **No one's gonna hurt you**_

 _ **No one's gonna dare**_

 _ **Others can desert you**_

 _ **Not to worry, whistle I'll be there**_

 _ **Nothing can harm you, not while I'm around**_

 _ **No one's gonna hurt you**_

 _ **No one's gonna dare**_

 _ **Nothing can harm you**_

 _ **Not while I'm around**_

She sighed and let her body go limp, finding her thumb to suck on for comfort. Now everything was much better. With that, Cadence July let herself fall asleep.

"I've got you, Cady Bug," Shelby Corcoran-July whispered, blinking back her own emotional tears. Her mind was reminded of many things. Things of the distant past and more recent past with her daughter. This whole event had opened a wound that she previously thought was well on its way to healing. Ironically, while she had thought this would be like salt to her wounded heart, it was instead like a soothing balm to a wounded soul. She loved this little girl. She knew this with great clarity and self awareness and she was ready to face this new chapter in life.

. . .

Holly exhaled, blowing a puff of cigarette smoke into the air. With a heavy cough, she realized how out of practice she was. Going through the motions was supposed to be enough to help calm her nerves. At least, it used to, once upon a time. That was before April, law school, and even before meeting Cassie. For the longest time she'd been proud of herself for making it through law school without her vice.

She let the cigarette rest on her finger, putting her arm on her pants leg while she stared at the smoke, watching the ashes glide down onto the dirty sidewalk. She tried to block out the noise of the city. Traffic going up and down the street, sounds of ambulances entering the hospital, and constant throng of people was giving her a migraine. How did Shelby miss it so much?

In her free hand, Holly desperately clutched onto her phone, staring at the last text that it had received.

"Lee?" a whispered voice Holly knew was Cass came from beside her. Holly looked up when Cass sat down, Cass keeping her face neutral only because she had learned to do so as an actress. The dancer couldn't believe Holly was smoking. She had known Holly Holliday for years and seen her throw a hissy fit about judges whose chambers had a permanent yellow tinge on the walls. She was a firm believer that smokers selfishly spread cancer to anybody within a few feet of them, and felt victimized in a more health conscious society.

While she would have preferred to take the cigarette out of her friend's hand and stomp it to the ground, Cass only went as far as to put her hand on Holly's knee. Holly's leg muscles were strong, her legs always defined through her pants, but she had them tensed.

Cass shoved her own problems to the side and studied Holly's face, her uncomfortable posture. Something had happened. Holly had called her out on the promise they made to each other years ago, under the stars on the roof of Cass's dorm room. No one else knew Cassandra by that nickname, and if anyone else had ever called Holly "Lee", it was an accident.

No matter what was going on or where the other was, the one called out would come. Holly had always been hard to figure out. She was much quieter and more private than she let on, priding herself on strength and self-sufficiency. All her life, she planned two steps ahead of everyone else. She asked for nothing from anybody else, and seemed to only demand things from herself. Holly had never called Cassandra by their secret nickname. She'd never needed to. Although Cass had used "Lee" several times throughout their years of knowing each other. Cass knew the drill. Her eyes scanned the street. One block over was a convenience store.

"I'll be right back," Cass leaned over and spoke into Holly's ear, holding her breath so she wouldn't inhale any of the smoke. _Gods, I hope Hol is done with that cancer stick by the time I get back_. Receiving a barely perceptible nod, Cassie rushed to the store and quickly got what she needed. Thankfully by then the cigarette had been finished, but Holly still stared at the smouldering butt on the ground in front of her feet. Cass kicked the offensive thing under a trash can and handed Holly a bottle of beer, taking the other one for herself even though she hadn't had one in a while. Neither one of them spoke. That was the rule. Not until both beers were gone. Then, and only then, would the one who called the other be obligated to share.

So Cass waited. She looked up and over at the hospital. She knew Shelby was probably watching from the window, but her wife would not interfere nor would she dare to call April.

"I called my mother," Holly said, monotonously. "With everything going on, it got me to thinking of her. You know?"

There was a beat where Cass considered what Holly was telling her, unsure yet whether it was a good thing or a bad thing.

"She still live in New Rochelle?" Cass asked, her mind having an easier time than usual recalling the past since being in New Jersey again.

"I thought maybe it would be different. It's been a few years. I am successful now. I made something of myself. I have a very good job that I'm amazing at. I have set roots, own my own home..." Holly mumbled pausing to take a swallow of beer. "I have a beautiful partner and daughter…" The lawyer had yet to answer Cass's question.

The singer decided it best to keep silent for now.

"I don't know what I was expecting. I am the one that's crazy, between the two of us," Holly's voice hardened, lowering almost an octave. "I am a crazy fool with my heart stuck in one of Rachel's fairy tales. Thinking I could follow some yellow brick road and just go home." Holly wiped a tear out of her eye before it could fall. "I'm sorry by the way, Caz."

"I forgive you. I was a bitch myself, just looking for an excuse to start a fight...I'm just so angry all the time, right now. And overwhelmed. I keep having panic attacks out of nowhere…" she stopped. This wasn't about her. "I am sorry, too." she admitted, turning sideways on the bench so the two blondes could look eye to eye. "We're good now. Right?"

"Right," Holly replied with a nod, her brow still furrowed despite her words. She picked at the label on the beer bottle, still lost in her thoughts.

"We are all crazy, Lee. This whole world is a sinkhole of depression, stress, anxiety...and if we are lucky enough to have those who love us to support us, we can fight for a good life. Life isn't a "happily ever after", but with those we love around us, it can be close enough." Holly is the only person Cassandra would ever speak to like this. Shelby had an inkling that she could be a deep thinker under the right circumstances, but Cass never dared be so pessimistic in the same room as Shelby.

"I just wanted to go get coffee with her," Holly spoke again, pulling the conversation back to her mother. "After the funeral, before I go back to Ohio. I wanted to rent a car, drive out of the city and see my mom." Holly wiped another tear away and sniffed more back. "She isn't going to be around forever. I don't want her to die and me be estranged from her like this." Holly admitted, her voice breaking. It was one of her deepest wishes but she'd never had the energy or the strength inside of her to forgive the woman. Until now. "So I am the crazy one. I was crazy enough to think it would be any different just because I'm older now."

To break the tension because she knew Holly hated emotions, Cass shrugged her shoulders. "We're two blond, hard ass, crazy bitches," she remarked. Holly shoved her shoulder playfully and Cass laughed before continuing ."What we can't change, we give the finger to then fight like hell to change it anyway. Because we're stubborn." Cass could not believe she was about to give _the_ Holly Holliday advice about having a good relationship with her mother, but there was a time and place for everything in life, she supposed. This was it. "You love your mom and want to be in her world, even if it is on the outskirts. She doesn't want the same, and there isn't anything you can do to change that if she won't let you. So be the loving mother to Natalie instead, and partner to April, and don't close any doors with there. Death is the only door that closes forever."

Holly stared at Cassie in shock. Hidden under that dark humor, painful honesty and scathing criticism was a deep, intuitive thinker who held tight to her dreams and did not believe in the words, "No" or "Never".

"You know, Caz," Holly continued, stretching her legs out and rolling her shoulders to release the tension gathered there. "Death is not closing the door of love with your birth family. It opened a pretty huge door, and let in that little ray of sunshine upstairs in that hospital room. You have a second chance to have that blood connection to someone, and this time under better circumstances. Not that it was your fault the first time, nothing was. But still. Now you have Cadence."

Holly pointed up to a specific hospital room. Cass let her eyes follow where Holly was pointing and there stood the love of her life and her new little ray of sunshine, watching them through the window.

"How the hell did you figure out what room was hers?" Cassie asked, holding back a burp that she might have let out if they were not on a public street in the city again. She was already having to watch her posture. The dancer knew eyes were on her out of not only from those case workers but also those so called photographers and reporters. They were in the back of the hospital and so far hadn't seen anybody, but that didn't mean they weren't there. "That is like six floors up."

"I'm wearing my contacts. It's not my fault you won't wear your glasses because you say it reminds you of whats-her-name in your dance crew, that first show. Remember? You told me her glasses fogged up when she danced?" Holly smirked, taking another sip and letting it linger in her mouth for a moment before swallowing it.

She was feeling more settled and in control. Things still felt unsettling, but having her best friend around to listen to her meant the world to her.

"I'm telling you, Lee, it was terrible, " Cass bantered back. "Her nose and cheeks actually got chaffed and redder than that god-awful lipstick she wore each day whether it matched her outfit or not." Cass shuddered, finishing her beer, aiming for the trash can, and tossing the bottle in. "And you honestly think I can pull off that hot nerdy lesbian look that April does?" Cass reached over and tucked some hair behind Holly's ear. "Those reading glasses you got me that one time, Barbra hated. She hissed everytime I put them on."

"God, forbid Ms. Streisand disapprove of your appearance," Holly relaxed, putting her head on Cassie's shoulder. "That cat is more of a Diva than her namesake." Both blondes shared a smile that quickly turned into laughter.


	9. Once Upon A Dream

**Hayley here: Although this chapter is short, it stands perfectly on its own. This one has been written for a long time, so it only felt right to finally post it. Although I love every single character with all of my heart, Cassandra is my favorite character to write. I'm sure it's obvious, at this point, but that being said, this chapter flowed easily for me and it just made sense. Please enjoy and leave reviews! Love always, Hayley**

 **Chapter 9: Once Upon A Dream**

Orchestra warm up was one of Cassandra's favorite sounds in the world. It meant she was either backstage getting ready to perform, or she was in the audience waiting to see a show. Regardless, it meant she was in the theatre. Her home. It was the place she felt the safest, besides her wife's arms, and it was something she knew she could always count on.

She continued to stretch her left leg on the barre in the wings of the stage. It was opening night, and she would be damned if her achilles heel got the best of her during this performance. She knew she had to be hyper-aware of her body and the music on the stage, as well as focused on her role. No distractions.

After thanking the stage manager for her ten minute warning, she pulled her leg carefully off of the barre and made her way back to her dressing room for a final sip of water. They were going to call places in five, but her throat was suddenly dry with nerves. This was opening night, after all, and she had to absolutely kill this first performance of _Fame_ or the reviewers would chew them up and spit them out. Before her hand could touch the handle on the dressing room door, she caught the gaze of a woman standing down the hall.

Cassandra's palms started to sweat.

The woman's hair rivaled Cassie's in lusciousness and thickness, and as she walked closer Cassie could see that she had crows feet around her wide, expressive green eyes. Megan July. In her arms she carried a bouquet of white roses. The corners of her lips were raised in a nervous, apologetic smile.

Cass's insides went cold and she spun on her heels to head back to the stage. She could hear the voice of the stage manager yell, "Places, everyone!" but only vaguely. _What is that woman doing here? Tonight, of all nights? How dare she just think she can show up here with flowers and everything will be okay? She abused me for years and now because I might be something special she feels bad about it?_

Suddenly she was performing, her mind clearing and focusing on nothing but dance, regardless of the flash of emerald green eyes she kept catching in the audience. Front row. Dead center. Each time she saw her mother, she turned her attention to something else-the brick on the corner of the wall, the back of Sophia's head as she danced beside her, the screen up towards the balcony that showed the orchestra-but those eyes continued to haunt her-stare her down, judgingly.

When she turned, she was back in her dressing room, dazed and confused. Why was she blacking out? Was the performance over or was it just intermission? Was she missing her entire opening night just because she couldn't get her mind off of her mother?

 _This can't be happening_ … _She can't ruin one of the only good things in my life..._

She stared at herself in the dressing room mirror, her cast mates knocking one at a time on her door to congratulate her on her performance. Multiple bouquets of flowers sat on the desk in front of her. Including the white roses. Cassandra bit her tongue and picked up the vase containing the offensive white flowers, whipping it across the room. The shatter made her jump, but it was satisfying. She changed out of her costume and there was a final knock on the door.

Before Cassandra could object, she was greeted by her mother. She promptly slammed the dressing room door in the woman's face, her head pounding and her skin sweating. She felt like she was going to be sick and closed her eyes. When she opened them she was stepping discreetly out the stage door, her heels clicking softly on the uneven city pavement and her jacket hugging her body. Megan July locked eyes with Cassandra and opened her mouth to beg her to stop and listen.

"Cassandra, I know you're upset but please, let me back into your heart-"

Cass pulled her jacket closer and ignored her mother, her eyes burning with tears. She blinked and when the tears were wiped from her eyes she found herself in a room with countless other people, dinner laid out before them and a large glass of red wine in her hand. She gulped it down and the waiter was quick to find her empty glass and refill it.

She blinked. Megan stood across the room, her expression dejected. She reached an arm out for Cassandra and the younger woman finished off another glass. And another. Her eyes slammed shut and she put her hands to her forehead. Her cast mates around her were laughing, clinking their glasses to celebrate a successful opening night. Cassandra knew she was supposed to be celebrating with them.

The room was spinning, and even though her eyes were shut she still couldn't get rid of the image of her mother's face.

"Cassandra, please…" her mother's voice echoed through her head. "I love you, and I'm sorry…"

A loud ringing went through her head and Cass's eyes shut tighter. "Go away." She growled.

"Goodbye, my little Cassandra…"

"You killed little Cassandra," Cassie cried. "You destroyed my innocence, your job was to _protect_ me, to _protect_ Monica. Now it's my job to protect Cadence. At least she'll have a mother figure who cares."

"Cassandra…"

Her mother's voice was starting to fade. Cassie downed another glass of the dark, red wine and collapsed at the table.

. . .

Cassandra shot up in her bed with a hand to her pounding chest. Her breathing was heavy and her lower back was sweating through her shirt. A loud ringing persisted and she squinted her eyes to see in the dark bedroom that she and Shelby used to call home. Shelby woke with her, reaching out for her wife's arm to comfort her, her eyes wide in concern.

Once Cassie's breathing was under control, she realized the ringing was her phone. There was a sharp pang in her heart as she reached over to her bedside table to answer it, expecting the worst.

"Mrs Corcoran-July?" a low male voice spoke on the other end.

"This is she," Cass's voice was rough and tired. She cleared her throat.

"I'm sorry to bother you so late, this is Dr. Graft. I'm the attending on-call for your mother's case...we need you up at the hospital as soon as possible."

There was an awkward beat after which Cassandra's voice cracked when she said,

"She's dead, isn't she?"

Shelby's hold on Cassie's arm tightened and she pulled her wife close as they listened for the news.

The doctor sighed. "I'm afraid so, ma'am."

Cassie sighed in response. "Okay. Thank you. I'll be right there."


	10. Sing Me A Song

**Keeperofwords here: We are back. This chapter brings us back to Ohio and we even have some Barbra in this one. There are some really cool songs from some great shows and we have some Fragile Reunion feels. As always, thanks for the support of the story and please let us know what you think of our latest installment.**

 **Hayley here: Of course, we don't own the rights to the beautiful lyrics of the songs we use. Thank you as always for your continued support. We'll get our lovelies out of New Jersey, yet. Not much longer! Love to you always, and please continue with the wonderful reviews, they inspire us to push forward through our busy schedules/crazy lives.**

 **Chapter 10: Sing Me A Song**

Rachel turned onto her side and clutched Elphie to her face. The stuffed bear smelled like her mama, but that wasn't helping her feel any better about Shelby and Cassie being gone. She was glad her Mommy had called her, even though it was late when she was finally able to. _At least Mommy kept her promise_. _But that just made me miss her more._

Staying with Auntie April was not bad at all, and Rachel liked being able to sleep in the same room as Natalie so she didn't feel so alone. She got along with Maddie-April's dog-well enough, but the dog was nothing like Rachel's best friend Barbra. Barbra hissed at birds in the trees outside, but Maddie just barked loudly and scared them off. Maddie also sometimes had accidents and Rachel had stepped in it on the kitchen floor. Barbra at least used the litter box. Rachel was admittedly mad at Maddie for always trying to pounce at Barbra and get her to play; because Maddie wouldn't leave Barbra alone, Barbra wasn't allowed to stay at the Victorian.

Rachel rolled onto her back and stroked Elphie's soft fur. It just wasn't the same over at Auntie April's house. Rachel was sure that Barbra had to be missing Cassie as much if not more than she was. The little girl sighed, fiddling with her covers. She scooted into Natalie's back, seeking the comfort of a warm body. Usually that would have been enough to relax her, but not this time. Natalie was not her Mommy or Mama, and she was not in their big bed in the mansion.

 _I want them to come home,_ Rachel thought to herself, restlessly shifting in bed. She reached for the top of the sheet and wiped a tear off her cheek. She bet Barbra was crying, too. _It's just me and Barbra._ _She needs me just like Mama needed Mommy to go to New Jersey_. Rachel decided to get up, realizing she wasn't sleeping anytime soon. _We need to stick together._

Rachel was still a sneaker, even though she rarely needed to be anymore. Mommy especially didn't like when she was a sneaker, but Mommy was not here anyway. _So the rules aren't the same, right?_ Rachel convinced herself.

She closed Natalie's door gently behind her. Auntie April's and Aunt Holly's room was right across the hall, and their door was only three quarters of the way closed. Auntie April had explained that was so she could hear Rachel if she called out for her in the middle of the night, but at the moment Rachel wished the woman would have just closed it.

Rachel was not going to call out to anybody, or they would just make her go back to bed. The young girl knew that right by the front door there was a floor board that squeaked. Carefully, she stepped over it and reached out for the door handle. She frowned as she stretched for the lock, having to stand on her tippy toes and not quite tall enough to reach the dead bolt. She scowled. If she scooted a chair over to it, Auntie April would hear and she would be in trouble. There were two more doors in the house: one was the back door off the kitchen, and there was one of the fancy French doors in what they called the "great room". The side door didn't have any fancy locks on it, so Rachel crept quietly through the house. It was great that Auntie April worked so late into the night, sometimes; because of it, she had a bunch of tiny night lights plugged in the walls so she wouldn't bump into things.

Rachel did a fist pump when her bare feet stepped onto the grass. She had not lost her touch. Thank goodness the moon was really bright because it was the only thing lighting up the yard when her moms weren't home. Rachel took off like a jackrabbit after she cleared the yard of the Victorian. She could only hope that Stefi was not in her patrol car tonight, riding up their street. Once she got to her backyard she was golden; she knew where Mommy kept the spare key, in the seat cushion of the outdoor furniture. Thankfully, the locks at their house were in her reach.

 _What's wrong with the adults? Do they really think Barbra wants to stay here all by herself? It's a good thing I'm still good at sneaking._

She dug under the seat cushion to pull out the spare key and unlocked the mansion door, thankful that she'd managed not to set off the alarms. That would have been a disaster. Barbra greeted her at the door, probably thinking she was Shelby or Cassie. Rachel flicked on the entrance light and stared out into the big, wide mansion. It was spacious and too quiet, and it seemed much bigger now that she was the only one in it.

"It's just me, Barbra," she announced to the pouncy Siamese. "I know you probably wish it was Mama. I wish Mama was here, too. But at least we have each other, right? You'll never leave me home alone and go off to a completely different state?"

Barbra purred and nuzzled her head into Rachel's hand and Rachel smiled softly. "I know you wouldn't. That's why we're best friends. I love Mommy and Mama, but I'm not very happy with them right now, you know? I know Mama's sister needs her and all, but I need her too and I should've been with them. I'm going to end up there anyways, why didn't they just take me? I've seen Mama upset before. She messed up her whole studio!"

Barbra continued to purr as Rachel picked her up and carried her up the stairs to Shelby and Cassandra's bedroom. She turned on lights as she went, feeling suddenly vulnerable and nervous that she was in the great big house all by herself. Each noise made her cuddle Barbra a little tighter. Even though it was just the house settling, it made the little girl anxious.

Once she made it to her mothers' room, she shut the door tightly and smacked the light on, running to climb into their big king bed. She knew better than to do anything besides lay in their bed-knew not to go through their closet or dresser drawers or anything like that. Mommy had said they had lots of secrets that only adults could know about, and Rachel didn't want them to be mad at her even though she was kind of mad at them. She already knew how much trouble she would be in if Auntie April, Aunt Holly, or Stefi found her at the mansion by herself. She honestly could not bring herself to care. She was not too thrilled with any of the adults, and she wanted them to know it. If it was just her and Barbra until Mommy and Mama came home, then so be it. She knew where the cat food was kept and could look after Barbra alone just fine. She also knew there was cereal and fruit and stuff for her to make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

Rachel knew her mothers had left their bed really neat with no wrinkles or anything, but if she was already going to get in trouble for sneaking out of the Victorian and coming home, she might as well go all out right? Barbra seemed to think settling on Mama's pillow was a great idea. Rachel thought she could just take Mommy's, hoping it would smell like her still.

Pulling back the comforter, she slipped in between the sheets. This was so much better than Natalie's bed. Especially when Barbra started purring really, really loud. Content and feeling at ease listening to Barbra's purr, Rachel finally drifted to sleep.

. . .

April was tossing and turning in her sleep, uncomfortable as always without Holly by her side. Giving up, she sat up in the bed and clicked on the lamp next to her. She was sweating, the air conditioning doing nothing to help the muggy summer heat. The comforter was hot and heavy and she peeled it off of herself, exposing her legs to a cooler atmosphere. That was almost better, though she knew she wouldn't be able to sleep like that.

She reached over to her bedside table and took a sip from her glass of water before letting out a long breath.

 _You'll see her soon, you worry too much,_ She told herself. _Everyone in New Jersey is fine. They're all just dealing with a crisis and soon they'll be back home with this new little one. Wow. In less than a year we've gone from no kids besides Stef and Lena's to three kids between us and the Corcoran-July clan. How did that even happen? Life is crazy like that, I suppose…_

Her bedroom door was pushed open by her little maltese, making her heart jump a little bit. The dog hopped once, twice, three times to make it up onto Holly and April's bed, and pawed at her owner with a whimper.

"What is it? Do you need to go outside?" April asked, her tone soft so she wouldn't wake the girls. "Come on, then, let's go." she ushered the dog back off of the bed and stood, stretching out her legs and yawning behind her hand. This was usually Holly's job, as April rarely woke up in the middle of the night. Usually once she fell asleep she was out cold until morning, but it was becoming increasingly difficult for her to fall asleep the more time she spent away from the love of her life.

She stepped carefully over the creaky floorboards and decided to check in on the girls as she passed the bedroom. She pushed the door open softly, stepping into the room. Rachel had been torn up ever since Cassie left, but even worse off once Shelby had gone too. Personally, April thought it was a bad idea to have left her behind for any period of time, but she knew her friends wouldn't have listened to her if she'd argued against it. Shelby and Cassie were set in their ways, and weren't in the right mindset to see reason. At least, Cassie wasn't.

April felt a pang of dread on her stomach when she realized that Rachel was not in the bed with Natalie, and was not in the room at all.

 _Fuck. No. This isn't happening. Why is this happening?_

"Rachel?" she whispered in a panic, not wanting to wake Natalie but not wanting to have lost a child, either. Good thing she had Stef on speed dial. "God dammit." she muttered to herself, pushing through the doorway and taking the stairs two at a time. "Rachel?" she said a little louder once she was out of hearing range of Natalie's room. "Please come out if you're here, now's not the time to play games."

She was greeted with silence.

"Dammit." she said a little louder. She let Maddie outside and went out with her, heading straight for her best friend's mansion. That was likely where she was, though April could only hope that was the case. When she made it to the front porch she looked for the spare key and couldn't find it. "That's promising," she spoke to herself as she realized the front door was unlocked. "Thank god, or Stef's ass would've been over here in two seconds…"

"Rachel?" she called throughout the mansion when she entered. Her own voice reverberated back to her and she shivered. This house was much larger than the one she shared with Holly and she often wondered how Cassie and Shelby managed to live there alone, without getting nervous or feeling too small. "Rachel, please, this is not a game…I need to know you're okay…"

A sudden thought struck her. Barbra hadn't come running when she'd opened the door.

"Barbra?" she called out instead. Sometimes Rachel didn't answer back, but the cat usually did. Mostly because she was always hungry, even if she'd just eaten. Cassie gave her too many treats and the cat was used to being spoiled by everyone. "Barbra? Where are you?" April ran up the stairs and checked Rachel's bedroom. Nothing.

 _Shelby and Cassie's room. Of course…_

She shoved open the door to her best friends' room and there the little girl was, curled up in the center of the king bed with Barbra the Siamese purring on her lap. The light was still on and the girl looked at peace. April let out a relieved breath.

"Child, you scared me half to death," she whispered. She didn't really want to wake her, but she couldn't leave Natalie alone at home, either. For a moment she just watched the young girl. She was curled into the pillows from Cassie's side of the bed, the large blanket in complete disarray. Barbra woke, stretched a little, and curled back into Rachel. The two of them really were inseparable, and April couldn't help but smile. How could she be upset when all Rachel wanted was her mommies and her cat? It made sense; Rachel hadn't been without either of them since she found them. The separation anxiety was strong, and although it was to be expected, April was upset with herself and the others for not thinking to do more to help the young girl through the hard time.

 _We're all being so selfish. Maybe none of us deserve to be mothers,_ April had a thought that made her feel disgusting. She shook it off. _Everyone messes up every once in a while. This is ours. We'll make it up to her. She's adjusted so well, we forget that she isn't like other kids. She needs a bit more attention and this is just her crying out to be loved a little louder. Just because things interrupt our everyday lives, doesn't mean we get to just cast everything to the side and go._ _If I was Shelby, I would want to know about this_ , April mused not wanting to disturb the girl. She was so glad that Natalie was a sound sleeper.

April's phone vibrated in the pocket of her bathrobe before she could decide what she was going to do. She picked up the phone and stared down at the screen, having just gotten her heart rate settled now that she had found Rachel. Her phone ringing at this god awful hour sent it shooting up again. It could be Natalie, her lover, the hospital, Shelby or Cassie. None would be calling her with anything good to share at this time of night/morning.

 _Shelby,_ April noted immediately, thinking it had to be more than pure coincidence that her best friend would be calling at the same time she was debating calling her. Did Shelby have a second sense that something was up back at home in Ohio? It could easily be that Shelby had news to share that she didn't want to wait until morning to discuss. April quietly stepped into the hall and gently shut the door to the master bedroom.

"Shelby, love," April spoke, her voice soft so she wouldn't wake Rachel. The doctor decided to see why Shelby was calling before coming out and telling her bestie that she had nearly lost her beloved long lost daughter. "It's late. No, I mean, it's early. I thought you would be sleeping?" Not giving Shelby a chance to respond, April added for a sense of light heartedness, "Don't tell me being back in the city made you so horny that you wore your lady out?"

April knew she didn't usually tease Shelby in this way, but she wanted to ease into whatever negative conversation she knew was coming.

"Oh hun," April said simply, listening as Shelby told her the latest bit of information. April knew the drill. She knew what things could be like for families in Cassie's situation. As a doctor, she had always been able to keep herself neutral and not get emotionally involved. It was different when it was happening to a person who you considered family. It physically hurt not being there to comfort her friends.

"Is there anything I can do?" April asked, moving to sit down on the first step of the staircase. She wished she could give her best friend a hug. Shelby's only request was for give a hug and kiss to her daughter for her. April stood back up as she listened to Shelby petite blonde cracked open the door. Rachel looked so much like Shelby while she was sleeping, and the resemblance still amazed her. She looked so small all alone in the king sized bed.

"You know I will," April reassured her friend, her breath hitching when Shelby asked how her daughter was. "Well, she has been a doll," April said, dodging the question. Shelby and Cass were stressed enough, and it would do no good to add tonight's incident on top of it. Shelby would worry too much and worry that things weren't under control. It was the way Shelby lowered her voice and slowly said April's name that made the woman realize that she really needed to say something. She quickly elaborated. "She's been quieter than normal. She didn't want any dinner tonight but I got her to drink one of those smoothies with some fresh strawberries from the grocery store. Your phone call meant the world to her. You are a really good mom, Shelby. Your little girl adores you and misses you very much." Seeing that Rachel was stirring, April stepped back and moved further up the hall.

"So how is Cass doing with the news of her mother's death?" April asked, not realizing she now had a little girl listening in to the conversation. When the blonde had not shut the bedroom door all the way before, she had pretended to be asleep so she could hear more. The smart little girl had quickly deduced that Auntie April was talking to her Mommy. She sucked in a breath and covered her mouth when she heard Auntie April say that Mama's mother had died. Rachel knew that woman hadn't been a good mother, and had not kept her mama safe from her father, but she also knew that all of this had to be making Mama sad anyway. Hearing Auntie April's voice get further away, Rachel chewed at her finger nail as she contemplated what to do. Rachel really wanted her mama more than ever now. She needed to talk to her. Her mama needed her. They were peanut butter on bread, right? Rachel frowned, remembering her new phone was in Natalie's bedroom on the dresser.

Her brown eyes widened as she remembered her mothers had a house phone by the bed. They never talked on it, but Mommy had explained it had an answering machine on it for the school. Rachel knew enough about the phone that she knew by pressing a button it rang her mama's phone on speed dial. Decision made to call Cassie, Rachel picked up the phone and pressed the button.

Cassie stood in the shower, allowing the hot water to roll off of her body and onto the tile floor. The whoosh of water masked the sounds of any emotion she might have been showing. Once she stepped out from behind the protection of the shower curtain, she would have to keep herself composed. Shelby's arms would be there to comfort and love Cassandra, but that wasn't what she wanted right now. She knew everyone would expect her to cry. Maybe, at some point, she would. Now, however, she felt that she needed to get her ass in gear and sign whatever she needed to sign to get her parents' bodies to a funeral home. Cassandra knew it was past time for her father to put his feet in the flames of hell, and Megan July, could join him there. She would never forgive her mother for all that she had done. There was no way she was going to play nice with her obnoxious, bigoted relatives who hid behind their money and country club memberships, thumbing down on anybody that did not fit their mold of white conservative Republicans. If she had her way, she would gift the home she grew up in and all her parents worldly possessions to the fire department to be burned so the firefighters could get some training in.

As soon as she waved goodbye to the hearse taking her parents off to burn, she was going to march right into the pediatric unit with that overpriced piece of plastic they called a car seat and demand her sister be taken home for good. Although she was thankful that fate had taken care of her mother so her guilt wouldn't eat her alive, she wasn't going to pretend she missed the woman all of a sudden, either.

The sound of her cell phone ruined the constant rant she had going on inside of her head. She had left the phone on the bathroom counter in case she was needed, though she was in no mood to talk to anyone. Besides maybe the bartender downstairs, to ask him for a strong drink. She nearly yelled out for Shelby to answer it when she remembered that Shelby was out in the living room, starting the calls with the news. Cass was thankful that Shelby had always been so good with the press. If she'd had to deal with them, she knew her bluntness would have gotten her into some trouble.

After the second ring, Cass rolled her eyes and turned off the shower, wrapping a bath towel tightly around her chest. Quickly, she flung open the curtain so she could catch the call before it went to voicemail. Still dripping wet, she answered just in time, her mind not registering the number on the caller ID as she managed a gruff, "Hello?"

" _Mama?"_

"Hello?" Cassie asked again, breathlessly pushing the wet hair out of her face. Her own circumstances fell away for a moment. The dancer wondered why her daughter would be calling her at 2:20 in the morning. "Rachel?" her heart skipped in concern.

Rachel's voice on the other end of the phone was gentle and sad, " _Mama, can I sing for you?"_

Cassie felt out of sorts from all that had been going on, and now the news of her mother's death had her in rare form. She took a shower for the alone time, and Rachel's call and request had caught her off guard. _You never let people take care of you, you just push it all away and torture yourself. Maybe if you let them do what they can to help without fighting them, you won't be so bitchy to everyone all the time. Maybe it will help._

"Okay," was all that she managed to say, settling herself against the bathroom sink with the phone against her ear.

In a voice as healing as the angels up in heaven, Rachel sang softly into the phone, " _There is a castle on a cloud, I like to go there in my sleep, Aren't any floors for me to sweep, Not in my castle on a cloud…"_ The little girl took a shaky breath, hoping she wasn't being too loud so late at night but knowing that it didn't matter if she was, as long as she was making her mama feel better. " _There is a room that's full of toys, There are a hundred boys and girls, Nobody shouts or talks too loud, Not in my castle on a cloud."_

Cassandra heard Rachel take a breath, but did not interrupt her. The little girl closed her eyes while she sang to her adoptive mother, and although she was so far away, Cassandra could practically feel her little star hugging her neck while she continued in her soft soprano, " _There is a lady all in white, Holds me and sings a lullaby, She's nice to see and she's soft to touch, She says "Cosette, I love you very much._ _I know a place where no one's lost, I know a place where no one cries, Crying at all is not allowed, Not in my castle on a cloud…"_

Cassandra smiled, already feeling more calm than before. She and Shelby had multiple live recordings of musicals, with either herself or Shelby in one of the roles. As popular and busy the two of them had been, there were quite a few. Rachel had really taken a recent liking to Les Miserables. The young diva had begged Shelby at bedtime the first night she watched it to teach her some of the songs. Neither Shelby nor Rachel had mentioned anything about it after that, and this was the first time Cassandra had heard her daughter sing anything from that particular show.

"That was beautiful, Little Star," Cassandra whispered, only after Rachel had finished singing. "You, your mommy and my baby sister are my Castle in the Clouds."

" _The mansion is my castle, Mama. You and Mommy are my ladies in white. I guess all the students are your hundred boys and girls and they know not to talk to loud or you will pound your cane in front of them. There are alot of floors to sweep, but we all take turns so it's not too much for one person."_

Cass settled, listening to Rachel ramble on. She missed her little star so much, and if Rachel was calling her in the middle of the night she knew the nine year old must have been missing her too.

" _But our castle can only have one cat, because I don't think Barbra would like it very much with a hundred cats."_

"No, she definitely would not, and I don't think your mommy would like that either," Cass agreed in a tone of fake concern. Rachel's voice was a reminder of home, unconditional love, and music. That's what life was all about, and what Cassandra could feel herself slipping away from the more she focused on her tragic past. Once she got this closure, she hoped the hate in her heart would go away. She so desperately wanted to instill, in both little girls, a moral code that was accepting, forgiving, and loving of all people. Regardless of the circumstances.

" _I love you, Mama. I'm sorry your mother died, and I am sorry she was not a better mother, but she gave birth to you and you are beautiful, smart, and a good performer. You really are a good mama. So, she is not one hundred percent bad, just ninety nine."_

 _Gods, you have to love the way Rachel thinks about life_ , Cass thought to herself, amazed. Rachel was probably the only one on the planet who would extend sympathy about the loss of Cassandra's mother that the stubborn woman would actually accept. However, the mention of Cassandra's mother brought her back to reality. She was curious about the nature of Rachel's call and how the little girl had gotten the news.

"Little Star, how did you know that my mother died?" Cassandra asked, not unkindly but out of a gentle curiosity.

Rachel didn't answer her. Barbra's purr in the background filled the silence.

"It's okay, Rachel. I'm not mad at you. You have really helped me feel better. I am glad you called," Cass told her honestly.

" _Really, Mama?"_

"Yes, really. I love you, Rachel," Cass's voice broke with emotion. She snapped her head up when she heard a knock on the bathroom door. It was pushed open slowly and Shelby appeared from behind it.

"It's Rachel?" she mouthed.

Cass put the phone on speaker so they could talk to their daughter together. Noticing Cassandra's state of undress, Shelby handed her a black silk robe which was quickly exchanged for soaked towel. She would blow dry her hair later.

"Rachel, sweetie, are you okay?" Shelby asked, concerned as to why her daughter would be calling so late. Shelby had looked at the clock when the hospital had called them, and that had been late. "You should be asleep."

" _Barbra and I had to call Mama,"_ Rachel answered, her voice not as bubbly as it had been a few moments before. Rachel wondered if Auntie April had mentioned that she had left the Victorian and come home to the mansion. The nine year old expected her mommy would not be very happy about that. " _We heard Auntie April talking and had to make sure Mama was okay, so we sang to her."_

"Oh, I see," Shelby nodded, her tone understanding and motherly as it usually sounded when she spoke to Rachel. The little girl smiled at the familiarity.

" _Will I get to see you soon?"_

"Very soon," Shelby let her know. "We're going to fly you out here with Auntie April and Natalie tomorrow morning. Then we'll be together again, Little Star. I know it's been too long, and I know you are scared and tired of being home without us there. I need you to know that we aren't very far away at all, and once you go to sleep and wake up, you'll hardly have any more time to miss us. Now, it's time for you to get your beauty sleep so that you're nice and rested for your trip tomorrow." Shelby's heart pounded with anxiety and she glanced over at Cassandra, whose eyes were grey with exhaustion. "Would you like me to sing you to sleep, Rachel?" Shelby asked, never taking her eyes off of her wife. Cassandra smiled softly and walked from the bathroom to the bedroom, thinking that wet hair wouldn't kill her if she fell asleep that way. Shelby flicked the bathroom light off and followed her, waiting for Rachel's confirmation.

" _Yes, please,"_ The little girl responded. At this point, she and April had made it back over to the Victorian and Rachel was cuddling Elphie while laying in April's bed with her, the phone on speaker. April had wordlessly convinced Rachel to go back to the Victorian, to the petite blonde's absolute relief since Natalie was already sound asleep over there. If she woke Natalie and took her over to the mansion, April knew they all might as well have just stayed up for the rest of the night.

Shelby climbed into bed with her wife back in New Jersey and pulled the woman close to her, threading her fingers through the matted, wet blonde hair. "Close your eyes," Shelby instructed both Rachel and Cassandra. Both girls did as they were told. " _A gentle breeze, on Hushabye Mountain,_ _Softly blows over Lullaby Bay, It fills the sails of boats that are waiting, Waiting to sail your worries away. It isn't far, to Hushabye Mountain, and your boat waits down by the quay. The winds of night, so softly are sighing, soon they will fly your troubles to sea."_ Shelby placed a kiss to Cassandra's temple. " _Wave goodbye to cares of the day. And watch your boat from Hushabye Mountain, Sail far away from Lullaby Bay…"_


	11. Who Do You Think You Are?

**Dear readers, life has been our busy fall, but we took a pause this weekend to gift each of you yet another installment in the Fragile Universe. Yes, our installments are not frequent, but we both work hard to giving you a quality update when we do post.**

 **I do tend to think of this as an early holiday gift and those who have been around with us since Fragile Reunion knows that the holidays are huge for the lives of the characters in the Glee Fragile Universe.**

 **Thanks for sticking with us and please let us know what you think.**

 **We love this universe and these characters and this story so very much and even if it may not seem like it's a priority to us, it is.**

 **Love always, keeperofwords and Hayley**

 **Chapter 11: Who Do You Think You Are?**

Cass shifted the bag of clothes in her hand so she could dig into the diaper bag on her shoulder. She wanted to get her phone to let Shelby know she was at the hospital with Cadence. At first Cassandra had been completely against the idea of a diaper bag, and was going to just carry essentials for the baby in her purse. When she took one look at herself in the hallway mirror with diapers poking out of the top of her handbag, she'd agreed to the extra amenity. In carrying both bags at once, she learned that they got easily tangled up in one another. It was just one more thing she was going to have to get used to, juggling her life around.

At dawn's early light, Holly drug Shelby uptown to make shopping decisions for Cadence's room. Cass did not give a damn about the color of the pack-and-play that her sister would have, or the multiple different kinds of diaper pails there were to choose from, so she stayed at the hospital and left Shelby and Holly to the organization and planning. They were the best at that kind of thing, anyway. Since they had taken Henry's car and the paparazzi knew the driver, Cassandra would be left alone for a while.

While Cassandra and Shelby were in the shower that morning releasing each others' tension before they were to part ways, April had called and left them a message. She and the girls had gotten an earlier flight than anticipated and would be there later in the day. That meant they needed a bed set up for Rachel by day's end, so Holly and Shelby would be out even later, looking for a bed that would be big enough for Rachel and Natalie to share while they were in the city. Shelby and Cassandra didn't even have a bed in the extra room for Rachel yet, they'd been so distracted by everything else around them.

 _So much, so fast._ Cassandra took a deep breath.

She was about to take home a baby that she would be responsible for as a primary caregiver. _Don't think too hard about it, July, or you might have a panic attack..._

Carefully, without knocking the diaper bag off of her arm, she re-adjusted her white button down shirt. She tended to dress nicer in the city, with beige heels and a mid-length black skirt to complete her outfit. The halls of the hospital were always chilly, even for summer, and Holly had cautioned her to continue to look sharp; eyes were on her, even if most of them had followed Shelby uptown. If she looked as disheveled as she felt, the powers at be might try to slow the process of taking her sister home.

She was just trying to get to her baby sister. Her mother was dead, and she needed to hold the one beautiful thing that came out of her family's history. Gods, she loved that baby so much already.

"Is my sister in her room?" Cass asked politely, stopping a nurse who had been passing out pills down the hall from Cadence's room. "Did she have a good night?" Cassie asked a follow up question before the nurse could even respond, knowing that Cadence was getting restless. The poor girl wanted out of the hospital almost as much as Cassandra wanted her out.

"Yes, Ms. July," the nurse answered, closing the med cart to make eye contact.

Cass didn't recognize this nurse. She hadn't seen her on the unit any of the other times she had been up here, but she didn't bother to ask how the woman knew who she was. Instead, she bit back the urge to correct her about her last name. This was near New York. Everyone knew her by her stage name. She cared more about seeing her sister than engaging the nurse in any further conversation.

"Your mother is in the room with her now," the nurse continued, pushing a brunette curl behind her ear. "I must say, the three of you are a spitting image of each other." Her smile fell away at the ferocity on Cassandra's face, her eyes visibly turning from their natural shade of emerald to a piercing jade green.

" _My mother is dead,_ " Cass said, in a low, soft growl. "She is down in the morgue. She died a couple of hours ago. Who the _hell_ did you let into my sister's room?" she enunciated her words very slowly, the curse word at a whisper; there were sensitive ears around.

The young nurse lost her color and took a step backwards as Cass shoved past her and into her sister's room. "Cadence?" although she knew her sister would not answer her back, there was comfort in saying her name through the fear of a stranger being in her room. She could feel her heart thump against the wall of her chest when she spotted her baby sister in the arms of a woman who was no stranger at all.

Long, platinum blonde hair fell in layered whisps down the woman's back, and from her side profile, Cassandra could see the woman's rounded cheekbones.

"Mother," Cassie breathed out, less angry than terrified. _This is it, Cass, you've officially lost it. It's time to wake up._

The woman spun on her stiletto heel to fully face Cassandra and the heat rose back into Cass's face. _Of course. I'm never getting out of this god forsaken city._

"Aunt Melissa," her breath hitched and she practically dove for her little sister. Cadence whimpered and reached her arms up to be held by someone familiar. Cass pulled her out of her aunt's arms. "What the _fuck_ do you think you're doing here?"

She stepped back apprehensively, wanting to put some distance between the two of them. Melissa hadn't shown her face to Cassandra in years; She lived across the country in California and had left Jersey when Cass was in high school. Even then, they'd never been particularly close to one another. Melissa reminded her too much of her mother, with her sharp facial features, perfect skin and flawless hair. Truth be told, Melissa always sort of struck Cassandra as too narcissistic for her liking.

"You can't have her," Cass spat protectively, cradling Cadence to her chest with both hands. "She is going home with me. _Me._ Mother said so specifically in her legal papers."

Cadence's little lip quivered with confusion. She glanced back and forth between the two women that both looked so much like her mommy, but neither one smelled like her mommy. Neither one's voice was as deep as mommy's either. She put her thumb in her mouth in an effort to soothe herself. Her breath hitched like she was going to cry.

"Shhhhh," Cassie abruptly changed her voice and relaxed her stance. She ran her fingers through Cadence's thin, dirty blonde baby hair and rubbed her back. "I'm so sorry, Cadence.." Cass thought for the umpteenth time how much she hated the full name Cadence, but was sure that stemmed from a dislike for the woman that named her. The poor child needed a nickname. "I'm sorry, sweetie..." Cass cooed to her sister before giving her aunt a hard stare. "I don't know what you think you are doing here, but if you think that you can just walk in and take my sister back to California with you, then you are _sadly_ mistaken."

"Cassandra, Cassandra," Melissa's voice had a desperate tone to it, which was puzzling to Cass. The last she remembered, the woman always had some sort of agenda. One where she always won. "No, dearheart, you misunderstand why I am here." The older blonde stepped forward, her eyes blinking back tears. "I would never separate you two. Seeing you two together is long overdue...I only wish Monica were here to complete the sisterhood."

At the mention of her older sister, Cassandra recoiled, taking another step back. Her nose burned with frustration and hot tears filled her eyes. "Why are you here, then?" she asked, throwing a pointed finger towards her aunt that showed who was in charge. "How did you get up here? They have security up here to protect the children from those not on the approved visitor list. You are _not_ on the list, Aunt Melissa."

"Cassandra, calm down, please," Melissa begged her niece as she moved to sit down in an armchair stationed in the corner of the tight room. "Can I sit, please? It was a long flight from the west coast and I came as soon as I saw on the news that you were in town...those pictures of you at the hospital doors made you look so vulnerable. I put two and two together..." Melissa paused, motioning for Cassandra to sit down and mentally crossing her fingers that her niece would do so. "I feared the worst, but I knew you wouldn't come back to Jersey any other way so I figured that had to have been what happened. Did you not get my call? I called your number and left a message a few weeks back...I called again yesterday afternoon before I got a flight."

"No," Cass said, her voice monotonous. She wasn't angry anymore as much as she was confused. She found herself stepping further into the room and sitting with Cadence in the rocking chair. Both sisters watched their aunt with curiosity. Cass didn't know if Melissa was bluffing or if she really did call. They had a service that still took their calls in New York and relayed the important ones to them in Ohio. They were typically calls about projects or concerts. The service had not contacted her about any personal phone calls.

"I left a message," Melissa spoke, leaning forward in her seat, her body language all but screamed that the older woman wanted desperately to be heard. "I left a message on your machine. Your mother had your number. I mean, she had your private line. It was a New York area code but I figured you might have a way of retrieving messages..." Melissa almost felt like she was rambling, she was so nervous.

 _How did mother have my number?_ Cass wondered to herself, but didn't ask outloud. _Why didn't you call the business phone if you were so concerned about getting to me?_ The dancer was more interested in what Melissa was up to, and why she had flown all the way across the country. Surely it wasn't just for the funeral, or she would have waited like everybody else.

"It's been hectic since I got into town," Cass carefully replied. "My sister and mother were in the hospital and my _father_ ," Cass emphasized his name with a stab of disgust. "Was already dead..." Cassie made a mental note to go into her office and check messages when she got Cadence discharged and back to the penthouse.

"I called you three months ago I suppose...It was right after your sister's first birthday," Melissa explained, licking her lips and running her hand through her long hair. "I flew here for it, Megan and I talked, and she asked me to reach out to you."

"Why?" Cass demanded, still unhappy that her mother had somehow invaded her privacy enough to have one of her personal numbers. Cassie had carefully distanced herself from her biological family, and did not like her personal life infringed on by any of them.

"She wanted you to know about Cadence. She wanted to ask you to be her guardian if something was to happen to her," Melissa's voice broke as she spoke. She reached into her purse and pulled out a tissue to dab at her eyes. "I can't believe she's gone," she whispered, genuinely heartbroken.

Cass was speechless, watching her aunt who she'd always known as an uptight bitch, not unlike her mother, completely fall to pieces. This wasn't an act. It couldn't be. Melissa felt that Cassandra's silence was permission for her to continue. She took a moment to breathe normally before speaking again.

"She seemed on edge throughout the whole visit, but at first I figured it was just because she had told me once before that she felt she was too old to have a one year old. I could also tell, though, that she and your father were not getting along." Melissa put her hand up to her eye to wipe an abandoned tear. "He seemed brash. Even with me, which was out of character. He used to flirt with me, trying to get me to give him money for whatever campaign or fundraiser he was running at the time. He definitely seemed like he wanted to be anywhere else besides his daughter's first birthday party. The bastard completely lost his temper when Cady cried at the clown..."

 _Cady_ , Cassie thought to herself, hearing her aunt use that name. _Thank gods I'm not the only one who detests the name "Cadence". Cady is really pretty..._

"I don't like clowns either, Cady," Cass spoke softly, testing the nickname as she looked down at her baby sister, rocking her back and forth. Cady suited her.

"Anyways," Melissa continued. "Long story short, your mother was making plans to leave your father. She told me that he had taken to yelling at Cadence, and she was worried about him raising a hand to her as she started showing more independence and testing limits like all toddlers do."

 _Why didn't she do that years ago?_ Cass thought bitterly. Her aunt seemed to read her innermost thoughts, which made her feel even more vulnerable than she already was.

"Her biggest regret was how she failed you and your older sister," Melissa continued. "Once she got sober, two years ago, she started to see your father in a new light. It was too late for you, but like she told me after the party, it was not too late to do right by Cady."

 _Three months ago_ , Cass marveled as shock washed over her. _My mother reached out to me three fucking months ago…and I didn't know._ She thrust the rocking chair a little more forcefully as realization struck her, anxiety building up in her chest.

"She gave me a letter, with instructions to give it to you if anything ever happened to her," Melissa continued, looking sadly at her two remaining nieces. Cadence stared at the woman, then reached her arms out to her.

Still deep in thought, Cass made no move to protest or to pull Cadence closer so her aunt could not hold her again. The dancer barely registered the sloppy kiss that Cady put on her aunt's cheek, or the sealed plain envelope that was placed in Melissa's lap.

"Cassandra…" Melissa spoke in an attempt to bring the woman out of her reverie. "Cassie, honey," she said seriously, reaching out one hand and placing it kindly on Cassandra's knee. "You mother made some very bad decisions in her life, and she treated you horribly. If I had lived closer, maybe I would have noticed something sooner. Maybe I could have helped you girls. Maybe I could have gotten you out of there. I could have taken you to California with me."

 _Just like Dee saved Shelby,_ Cass thought. _If only I'd had someone as gracious as Dee. Would Melissa really have been my savior? Is anyone as good-hearted as Dee Corcoran?_

"You couldn't have known," Cass replied finally, her voice soft and tired. "He could have won a Tony himself for how well he got into character as this "family man", "loving husband" who wanted to give back to his city and the "underprivileged"," Cass did not get into what he did to Monica, unsure if she trusted her aunt with such a painful secret. She wasn't entirely convinced that Melissa wasn't acting, herself. Deep down, Cassandra didn't think that was the case; years of lies and heartbreak told her not to fall for it yet.

Melissa sat Cadence on the floor at her feet, handing the baby her keys for entertainment. The older woman got down on her knees to sit with the little girl. Her eyes were kinder than Megan's, with a glimmer of hope still buried within them. That was something Cassandra never saw from her mother. At least not when she was younger.

"Cassie, honey, I am so sorry," When Melissa looked up to speak to Cassandra again her eyes were wet. "I know you have no reason to trust me. I am a stranger to you and I have not been there for you. I resorted to living on the other side of the country and watching you and Monica grow up through pictures and every other Christmas or Thanksgiving…"

Cass watched Melissa's tears splash onto the envelope that was resting in her lap, but said nothing. She was unsure what could even be said, at this point, that would make either one of them feel better.

"It's not okay," she spoke up, honestly. "But who am I to judge? I live in Ohio and mother was here in Jersey. I didn't even know I had another sister. I had no idea how he treated her. I didn't stop to think about my mother getting clean and actually wanting to make something of her life. She'd been the way she was for so long that it didn't occur to me she would ever want to change. I'm sorry, too."

Melissa nodded. There was something else she had to say and she was dreading it. It was more of an accusation than a statement, and she had no evidence to prove anything. Her stomach churned uncomfortably and for a minute she just looked down at her hands, fumbling. This wasn't like her, and Cassandra picked up on that right away. The July family had always appeared so put together, and that included _everybody_ in said family. Especially Melissa.

The older woman took a deep breath. This was already a lot for Cassandra to process and she hoped that what she was about to say wouldn't cause some sort of melt down. That was the last thing she wanted, but she needed Cassandra to trust her and know that they were on the same side. Her gut told her that even without evidence, Cassandra would believe what she was about to say. That she would understand the seriousness of it, and the connection to what had happened.

"Cassandra, there is something else you need to know," Melissa breathed out quickly, before she could change her mind. She pulled her cell phone out of her handbag and turned it on while she talked. "Your mother called me the day of the accident. I had my phone on silent, because I was out to brunch, so I never heard it go off..." Melissa paused and looked into Cassandra's eyes. They were back to their natural shade of emerald. After receiving a small nod to continue, Melissa spoke again. "She said she was going to tell him that night that she was leaving him, and that she wanted a divorce. Of course, the two of them did not sign any sort of prenuptial agreement, and your mother knew...she knew too much, Cassie."

Cass's eyebrows shot up and she covered her mouth as she put two and two together. A chill of disgust ran through her entire body, causing goosebumps to form on her arms. She crossed her arms over her chest and leaned back in her chair, feeling defeated now more than ever.

"He killed her, didn't he?" Cass concluded. "He killed her, because she was leaving him, and he tried to kill my baby sister too."

"I think so," Melissa nodded in agreement, watching Cadence playing innocently at their feet, the young girl blissfully oblivious to the dark nature of the conversation. Cady gave her aunt a grin, then reached up for Cassie again who picked her up and cradled her. "And I think you would have been next, if this accident hadn't taken him out."

Cassandra dry swallowed, thinking about what that would have meant for the safety of her entire family; Shelby, Rachel, Holly, Natalie and April, Lena and Stef and their beautiful children...they all would have been in danger. She felt sick again.

"I do, too."

The last thing Shelby expected to hear when she returned from her shopping trip was that Cass invited her Aunt Melissa to sit with them for the funeral service. It was also unexpected for Cassie to agree to exchange phone numbers and addresses with the woman, both of them promising to keep in touch once this unpleasant turn of events was over. She knew she had to have been missing a lot of information, and she wasn't entirely sure she was prepared to hear all of it. But then, she was never prepared for anything recently.

. . .

Shelby stood with her arms crossed and her head down. She was wearing a large pair of sunglasses to cover her eyes and a New York Yankees baseball cap with her long hair pulled back in a ponytail. This was different than the flight she'd been on, which had been much more private and closed off. Rachel, April, Dee, and Natalie had flown on a public flight, filled with people, and it was extremely likely that paparazzi had followed Shelby's car to the airport. She didn't want to draw attention to herself, and the last thing she wanted to do was freak Rachel out with the amount of people.

Holly and Cassandra had stayed back at the hospital with Cadence, trying to get her discharge papers to go through. If they were lucky, the women would be able to meet their family back at the apartment with no qualms by noon. However, if it was decided that Cadence was not ready to leave, Shelby would not likely be seeing her wife at home that night.

Little legs that Shelby missed so much ran towards her and the singer looked up with a warm, welcoming smile. "There's my baby girl," she beamed.

"Mommy!" Rachel picked up the pace and jumped into Shelby's arms. "I missed you, did you miss me? Is Mama doing okay? We were _so_ high up in the air, and I was really scared but Aunt Dee held my hand and showed me how pretty it was out the window and we found pictures in the clouds. I even got to watch a movie, isn't that cool? I didn't even notice how many people were all around me or anything!"

Something inside of Shelby snapped back into place at the familiarity of Rachel's constant barrage of questions. She hugged her little girl close to her chest and placed a kiss to her forehead. "I'm glad you had a good flight, sweetheart," she said. Natalie, Dee, and April had finally caught up to them, and she greeted them all with kisses as well. "Mama is okay, she's just trying to convince the hospital to let us bring Cadence home right now. She said she loves you and she's sorry she couldn't make it." Shelby put Rachel down and held her hand as they walked the hallway of the Newark Airport.

"Mommy, I thought we were flying to New York, not New Jersey…" Rachel scrunched her nose, confused.

"Cadence lived in New Jersey with Cassie's parents, so the hospital Cadence is at is in Jersey City. New York is just right over the bridge," Shelby explained, swinging Rachel's hand while they walked. It felt good to be in the company of her full family again, but she continued to keep her head down in case anybody noticed her.

"Oh, okay." Rachel was secretly amazed at how they could just drive for a couple minutes and be in a completely different state. She was so used to living in the middle of Ohio and knowing that it would take hours to reach the border. "So where is your and Mama's apartment, then? If it's not in Jersey City?"

"We live in SoHo," Shelby smiled. She'd always wanted to be able to explain things about New York to Rachel, and although this was under poor circumstances, she was grateful for the chance for some normality in their lives. "Which isn't far from the hospital Cadence is in-"

She didn't get a chance to finish her sentence before a sleeze with a camera was right under her nose. She stopped in her tracks and pushed Rachel behind her, protectively. April grabbed Rachel from the back so the little girl would know she was safe.

"Shelby, Shelby, would you answer a couple of questions?"

"Not today," she tried to push through but he wouldn't budge. A group of other reporters came swarming in and Shelby sucked in an annoyed breath. Where was security when you needed them? She'd had a couple of them stationed near her, but they could only protect her from so many people at once, and it wasn't as if they could get them to stop shouting at her.

"Why are you and Cassandra in New Jersey?" someone yelled from across the hall, sprinting to get near her. Flashes started popping up from every corner. Shelby continued to walk forward, her two bodyguards helping her move people out of her way and her family so close behind her she could feel them on her heels.

"No comment," Shelby replied.

"Why haven't we seen that much of your daughter? Are you guilty that you didn't have her when she was younger?"

"No comment," she shot back, trying not to get angry. If she let herself be upset, she wouldn't be able to think straight. She tried not to let his hateful words ring through her head.

Tears filled Rachel's eyes and she pulled on the back of Shelby's shirt to alert her. These people were loud and rude and she didn't like the kinds of questions they were asking very much. She bit her lower lip and it started to quiver. "Mommy?" she asked, but Shelby couldn't hear her over the crowd of people that had started to form.

"Miss Corcoran, could I have your autograph?"

"Can I get a picture, Shelby?"

"Won't you give us a smile, sweetheart? Why so blue? Where's your wife? Did she ditch you when you decided to keep your daughter?"

"How dare you!" Shelby stopped and glared. "No. Comment." She could feel Rachel pulling on her shirt from the back and knew she had to be frightened. While she was no longer moving forward, she turned around to pick her daughter up. Rachel wrapped her legs tightly around Shelby, plugged her ears, and buried her head into her neck. Tears wet Shelby's hair and Shelby pressed a protective hand to the back of Rachel's head. "Mommy, make them go away," she whispered into her ear.

"I'm so sorry, Rachel, I'm so sorry," Shelby whispered back, walking faster now. They were almost to the front doors of the airport, but the amount of people was overwhelming and fans were starting to crowd around too, as well as numerous passerby to see what all of the commotion was about.

"Shelby! Where is Cassandra? Why isn't she with you and your daughter?"

"Are you working on a project? What's going on with your school in Ohio?"

"Shelby, just give us one picture…"

"Why is Cassandra spending so much time at the hospital? Is she sick?"

Shelby made it through the crowd and practically dove for the car, which Henry had pulled up as soon as her bodyguard had mentioned into his microphone that Shelby had been spotted. Hot tears stung the backs of Shelby's eyes and she felt terrible for subjecting not only Rachel but also Natalie, Holly and Dee to something like that. They had left the city for a reason, and she was finally starting to remember what that reason was. She didn't dare cry. Rachel was already going through enough, and Shelby knew she needed to suck it up and be the strong one.

"Rachel, sweetheart, I am so very sorry," she spoke once Henry started the route to the

hospital. "I should have prepared you more, I thought I was in the clear. They don't normally swarm us this much, but we're the big juicy news with everything that's been going on. That's why I had my eyes and hair covered, I didn't think anybody would recognize me. I guess once they saw everyone that was with me they put the pieces together, and that was my fault for not realizing…"

Rachel sniffed and Shelby wiped her tears, caressing her little face softly. "I don't want you to listen to a single fucking thing they said, do you hear me?"

The little girl pressed her lips together, surprised. "You said a bad word," she smiled impishly and Shelby couldn't help but smile back.

"I needed you to know how serious I was when I said that. They are all just trying to get a story out of me. Rumors are going to start going around, and none of them are going to have anything nice to say about me or Mama. I want to prepare you for that. You always have the power because you know the truth. People in this world can be cruel when they are bored with the world around them, Rachel. They say mean things that aren't true, that are based on speculation, to try and entertain people. To make up stories. They don't think about how hurtful words can be. That's why we have to ignore them. Understand?"

With a final tear shed, Rachel nodded. "Mommy, their mothers never taught them to be nice."

"That's right, Princess," Shelby tucked Rachel's hair behind her ears, giving her daughter a smile. "But just because they are not nice, that doesn't mean we will be impolite back. We just ignore them."

"That's not hard, Mommy," Rachel replied, leaning into her mother. "I don't want to talk to them anyway. I bet they wouldn't even give me dollar bills if I sang in front of them. Some of them smelled funny and had really wrinkled clothes."

Shelby was not sure what that had to go with anything but she chuckled and let it go. Finally, her daughter was back with her. They had gotten through the crowds, and now all that was left was to meet up with her wife and little Cadence.

April and Dee had taken to keeping Natalie calm, which had been easier to do than expected. She was always in such a state of relaxation these days that the paparazzi hadn't really phased her much. She stayed her same, quiet, introverted self. She smiled softly and nodded when April asked if she was okay, then opened up the book she had been reading on the plane.

When Rachel saw how much Natalie had been reading it shocked her at first. Back when they lived with the Reverend, Natalie hated reading. She'd said it hurt her head and she hadn't been good at reading out loud because she had been behind in school. Ever since April and Holly had taken her in, all she ever did was read, and read, and read. She moved up a couple of grade levels and she kept two large bookshelves in her room at the Victorian. Everyone just assumed that was her way of coping with the world, but Rachel thought it was frustrating because it meant that you always had to yell to get her attention and she never really listened when Rachel tried to talk to her.

Buildings flew past the window in a blur, but Rachel wasn't really paying attention to them. Not until they had gone through the Holland Tunnel and were looking out at the gorgeous New York skyline. She craned her neck to see but the window didn't let her move out far enough to even attempt to see the tops of some of the skyscrapers. With the amount of traffic due to it being around lunch time, it felt to Rachel like it took hours and hours to finally come to a stop at a place that wasn't a red light.

What she'd gathered so far, was that the city was loud and full of people who either knew how to drive really well, like Henry, or could hardly drive at all, like the people Henry had to slam on his breaks to avoid. The noise was odd compared to the quiet of Ohio, but it certainly was not as obnoxious as everyone had told her it was, even though it was rush hour traffic that they were trying to get through.

The apartment building in SoHo was much taller than any building Rachel had ever been in. She swallowed hard, her eyes heavy and hot from crying earlier. Pulling her backpack up onto her shoulders, she followed her Mommy into the lobby, passing a doorman in a sharp black suit. Shelby smiled at him graciously and continued to move forward, just wanting to get into her apartment and breathe. Cassandra hadn't contacted any of them, so she hoped to god that the woman was able to get her little sister discharged and home safe.

Little eyes widened at the number of buttons in the elevator they took to one of the highest floors. She wondered if she would be able to see the city from the window in the apartment, and secretly hoped that would be the case. She wanted to be able to compare it to all of the pictures she'd seen in books at the library.

When Shelby unlocked the front door, she practically fell through it, kicking her shoes off while she walked. Cassandra and Holly were waiting for them, sitting in the middle of the living room floor with an over-excited Cadence plopped down between the two of them. Her bandages were still on her, but she seemed like she had more energy than before. It was likely, Shelby figured, that she was feeding off of the positive energy outside of the hospital.

"Thank god you made it out," Shelby greeted her wife with a kiss and April ran into Holly's arms, peppering her with sweet kisses and nibbles on her ears. "I hadn't heard from you, I was afraid they were going to keep her another night."

"Oh, Cassie would _not_ have let that shit happen," Holly shook her head matter-of-factly. "It's a miracle she didn't call you from prison with the amount of patience she had this morning."

Shelby shot her wife a look of annoyance. "You couldn't have just let the poor people do their jobs in peace for one day?" she smirked, standing to go to the kitchen and get herself a glass of water. Holly picked up everyone's bags and started taking them to various rooms.

Cassandra shrugged. "I got my sister home, didn't I?" She locked eyes with Rachel and smiled from ear to ear. "My shining star," she declared, opening her arms out expectantly. "Come give your Mama some love." Rachel ran to Cassie and nearly jumped into her arms, cuddling her tightly and inhaling to commit her scent to recent memory.

"Mama, I missed you so much!" she admitted, not ever wanting to let go.

"I missed you so much too, Rachel," Cassandra assured her, running her fingers through her daughter's hair. A noise jolted her and when she looked up she realized that Shelby had slammed a glass down on the counter. Cass studied her wife's mannerisms. "You look like you've seen a ghost, is everything okay?"

"Reporters attacked us at the airport, honey bunch," April informed her. "I think we're all just a little bit shaken up by it."

"You're joking," Holly rolled her eyes. "We thought having Henry take the long way would throw them off of your path."

"Guess that didn't work," Dee stated the obvious. "Let me tell you, lawyer Holliday, you guys are going to have a lot of rumors on your hands. You're going to have to let out official statements to the press when you get home. Social media is already exploding about the ambush at Newark."

The adults crowded into the living room to greet their newest little family member, all forming a sort of half circle around her. Once their stories had been recounted to one another, they sat in silence and just started trying to make Cadence laugh, (which was not hard to do). The baby was in shock at all of the smiling faces surrounding her. Rachel got up from Cassie's lap once Cadence reached out for her and let her tend to her sister, backing away from where everyone was standing and moving to the back corner of the room to be out of the chaos.

She scrunched her nose as she leaned against the wall, watching the adults all coo and make funny noses at the blonde haired baby. Mama was holding her little sister in her lap now, and Rachel was upset that she had only gotten in one quick hug before the baby started whining, then all of the adults hurried to focus on the baby like Barbra hurried to the kitchen when a cat treat hit the floor.

It surprised Rachel how much Cass and Cadence looked alike. _I mean, I look like Mommy but that's because I came out of her body. Cadence is just Mama's sister. Unless she really is her baby and she just didn't tell anybody._ The little girl's imagination theorized, staring the baby up and down.

She could understand Auntie April leaning over Cadence, because she was a doctor. The kid had scratches on her arms and a bunch of big bandaids all over her. But her mommy, mama and aunt Holly had to fuss over her at the same time, too? It made no sense.

Cadence hadn't even glanced in Rachel's direction, making the girl feel even more self-conscious. _Well if the baby wants nothing to do with me, then I want nothing to do with the baby._ That's what Rachel decided as she clenched and unclenched her fists next to her. She had experienced more years than not of either being ignored or wanting to attract more attention than necessary. A couple weeks ago, she would have claimed that those years were all behind her, but now she was starting to think that wasn't the case at all.

Rachel resisted the urge to back out of the room. She was, after all, curious enough to want to get a closer look at Mama's sister. So, she slid with her back to the wall in the general direction of the seats in the living room of the apartment, determined to keep her distance so she could control what happened. If she got too close, her mommy might make her hug the baby, and she downright refused to do that.

"What a ray of sunshine, Cass," Rachel listened to Auntie April praise the baby and watched her pepper kisses to the little girl's cheek.

 _I have not gotten many kisses today,_ Rachel thought to herself with a grunt of annoyance.

"Did you bring your doctor's bag in your carry on?" Shelby asked, picking at her lip.

 _Why does Mommy want Auntie April to start doctoring?_ _Wasn't this kid already doctored in the hospital?_ Rachel absolutely hated when Auntie April pulled out her doctor kit. If she did that, Rachel decided she was leaving the room.

Cassie was swaying the baby back and forth, telling Shelby to relax.

"New mother jitters," Aunt Holly said determined, waving Shelby's anxiety away with a hand.

Rachel's jaw dropped to the floor. _Why would she say that?_ _Mommy is already a mother and I am her daughter. That DNA test proved it... I went to Auntie April's awful clinic and night and it was scary and they took blood and everything._

 _This sucks._

If she was home at the mansion, she would go to the attic and find Barbra, pull her friend onto her lap and cuddle her while she purred. But Barbra was back in Ohio, and Rachel was an airplane ride away. It was crazy, Rachel thought, that her whole life she'd wanted to go to New York. Now, she was so close to it that she could practically taste it but all she wanted to do was go back to small town Ohio.

 _Well, maybe I'll just go home then, and I'll see New York another time, when someone has time to talk to me,_ Rachel decided. Rachel knew her mama and mommy would come home eventually. Mama's mom and dad were dead now, and just had to be buried. Rachel had gone all her life without seeing her mother up until last Christmas. _A couple more days won't hurt if she isn't going to pay attention to me anyways._

Maybe Stefi would pick her up at the airport. Her ticket was in her backpack, wherever Aunt Holly put it when they got there. Decision made, Rachel slipped out of the room. Henry could drive her, and the man downstairs in the lobby could call for him to come get her, right?

 _Well, it's not like I would have gotten to go to any shows or anything anyway._ She had seen on a christmas movie once that New York had a huge toy store, which she'd really wanted to see as well. _But who cares about dumb toys anyway? They probably would have just bought stuff for the baby._

Rachel strolled into the hallway on a mission to find her bag. The apartment was not as big as Rachel had pictured, which confused her. She knew that apartments were smaller, and supposed she was just used to the vast empty space that was the mansion in Ohio. It was a very nice place and everything, but Rachel had gotten used to her bed at home and was really wanting to get back to it.

Opening door after door, she continued her search. Her backpack was behind the fourth door she opened, along with Natalie's things. _We must be sharing rooms,_ Rachel figured, casting a guilty glance behind her at Natalie, who was quietly reading a book in the corner of the living room. She hadn't included her in her plans this time around, but she would have just told on her anyways. Natalie had turned into a huge tattle-tale, in Rachel's opinion, ever since she got used to living with Holly and April. She always did exactly what she was told, and she wouldn't have been very happy to hear that Rachel wanted to leave, anyways. _Well, Natalie can have the whole bed now._

 _Barbra would have liked the room,_ Rachel thought as a pain pierced her heart. It had a big window and a lot of sunlight. The cat could look all around and watch the birds fly high in the city sky. She wished she could hold her cat, the first true friend she ever made at the mansion. Rachel grabbed her backpack and unzipped it. Yes, there was her ticket.

 _I was a good sneaker still when we were in Ohio and I went back home for the night, I can do it again now,_ Rachel decided, stealthily grabbing up the ticket and swinging her backpack over her shoulders. _By the time they notice I'm gone, I'll already be on the way home. Stefi will come and get me just to make sure I'm safe, and then I won't have to be here while everyone is focused on the new baby._ Slowly, the young girl opened the heavy door and slipped out of it, tip toeing to the front of the apartment.

Shelby, who had been making funny faces at Cadence to get the little girl to smile, caught the wisp of chocolate brown hair from the corner of her eye. When she pulled her full attention away from Cadence and set her eyes directly on Rachel's purple plaid backpack, her heart filled with cold dread.

"Rachel," she said sharply, unintentionally making the little girl jump. Shelby instantly felt terrible when Rachel spun on her heels and revealed a plane ticket clutched tightly in her little fist. _No one's been watching over her. She's hurt and abandoned. You told yourself you wouldn't do this and what's the first thing you did when the baby got home? Shelby Corcoran, what the hell is wrong with you?_ "Honey," Shelby forced her tone to soften despite the quiver in it. "Where were you going?"

From the look of worry in Shelby's shimmering brown eyes, Rachel could tell that she already knew the answer to the question. The girl swallowed hard and threw the plane ticket down onto the floor, crossing her arms over her chest in protest. "I want to go home." she declared, her lower lip trembling. "I want to see Barbra and sleep in my own bed. I want kisses and attention, too, and I missed your hugs until I got here and saw you wanted to give the baby more hugs than me anyways..." Since she was already caught, she figured it wouldn't hurt to tell them how she was really feeling. Big tears filled her wide, heartbroken eyes. "Aunt Holly said you were nervous because you are a new mommy but I didn't think that was very fair because you're my mommy for real and she's not even related to you. Mama isn't even her mommy, she's just her sister."

"Rachel…" Shelby's spirits fell, knowing her daughter was completely right, and that the whole situation was unfair to her. Going into this, flying to New Jersey aware of the situation the family was being placed in, Shelby knew that one of the hardest parts of the journey would be getting Rachel to understand what family meant; sharing her mommies with the other people that always begged for their attention was not going to be an easy task. _It doesn't help matters if you blatantly ignore her after not seeing her for a week. She must be so overwhelmed…_

It was easy to forget sometimes that Rachel had only come into their lives recently. Shelby's long lost daughter had grown so accustomed to life with her mothers in such a short period of time that they sometimes forgot just how fragile their entire situation was. Rachel did not see the world as other little girls her age did, and she had severe abandonment issues.

The whole room watched the scene play out before them, Cassandra feeling the guiltiest of all. _You know exactly how she feels and you still let her down. This should be our wake up call. We can't let something like this happen again._

"You need to know how incredibly important you are to me and Mama," Shelby crouched down on her knees so she could be more on Rachel's level. "You are my biological daughter and I love you to infinity, Rachel, nothing will ever change that. But I also need you to be brave for me right now and understand that even if we aren't Cadence's mommies by blood, that doesn't mean we love her any less. She is mommy's little sister and we have to take care of her now, too. I know it's not fair, and you might not understand, but hopefully one day you will. Blood does not always make a family, honey. We are each other's family, all of us," she gestured to the strong women around her who had always supported her. "Mama isn't your biological mother, but does that mean you love her any less?"

Rachel sniffed and shook her head, sloppily wiping her tears with the back of her wrist. Her cheeks were swollen and blotchy, and although she felt embarrassed by her breakdown, she also felt like another one might be coming soon, like her sadness and frustration hadn't been fixed by her talk with her mother, which was confusing. Usually her mommy knew exactly what to say to make her feel better. This was not making her feel better.

"I-I just want love too," the little girl sobbed, falling into her mother's arms and hugging her neck tightly.

"Oh, my little princess," Shelby put a protective, motherly hand over the back of Rachel's head. "I'm so sorry. I know you don't want to have to share us. I know life isn't fair sometimes…"

Cassandra watched from the far corner of the room, her baby sister's sobs echoing Rachel's. She bounced Cadence on her side and stayed quiet. The twinge of guilt in her chest would not go away. This was the last thing any of them had expected, and now they had all but broken Rachel's trust in them.

"Sometimes," Shelby continued, holding Rachel tightly to her while the little girl let her emotions, worries, and sorrow out onto her mother's shoulder. "Life throws curve balls at us that we don't expect. When that happens, it isn't always fair. But it's our job to make the best of it, and grow from it, and that's exactly what we're going to do, okay?" Rachel nodded into Shelby's neck, but her tears continued to soak into the woman's shirt. "It might take some time to get used to, and I need you to know that it's okay if it does. We don't expect you to be happy all the time, or be in a great mood all the time with a little baby in the house. Cadence is going to take a lot of attention away, and I'm so, so sorry."

Rachel pulled away from her mother's embrace and looked her in the eyes, sniffing from her nose running. This was the woman she had always dreamed of being with. The lady in white that she saw in her dreams while stuck in that terrible house with the Reverend and his wife. The woman who had whisked her away from her life of sadness and gave her all of the attention she'd ever wanted. Rachel knew she got extra attention sometimes that her mommies really didn't have to give. They were always busy enough with the school, and then her, and now Rachel supposed she was going to have to get used to them splitting their time into even more pieces than before. "I thought I finally had something I didn't have to share," she whispered sadly. "And now you're acting like you've never been a mommy before. That hurt my heart, is all…"

"You have to understand, Rachel, that having a baby is very new to Mama and I. We only just got you back a little while ago, and although you will always be my baby and little girl, we have never taken care of someone so young. That's all that Aunt Holly meant when she called me a new Mommy. I know she should have found a better way to say it."

Rachel nodded in agreement and Shelby shot sideways glare at her friend, who had her lips pressed into a very fine line. They were all going to have to watch how they worded things from now on. Two impressionable little girls in vulnerable states would make for easily broken hearts.

"We're still sort of new to being mommies in general, you know?" Shelby amended, glancing apologetically at her first born. "Sometimes we say and do things we don't mean, and when that happens we need you to know that we are sorry and we will always try to do better. We never want to hurt or upset you. Sometimes we just need a little extra help to be the best mommies we can be. To you, and now to Cadence too. Does that make sense?"

Rachel nodded like she understood, but that was a lie. She didn't understand any of this at all. She still just wanted to go home.

"You promised," she said under her breath, looking down and hiding her eyes under her long brown hair. "You promised me, and I'm scared you'll break your promise."

Shelby sent a quick look at her wife for help. She had absolutely no idea what Rachel was talking about and hoped Cassandra might have a clue. In her short time with them, they had promised her so much.

"What promise was that, Shining Star?" Cassie spoke up for the first time. She could no longer keep her silence. Cadence had settled down and was fast asleep, and most importantly quiet, on her shoulder.

"Mommy, you promised me that we never would be separated again," Rachel mumbled. "I am scared to be alone again. You might not have time to be my Mommy anymore, and she is so little." Rachel sniffed again, refusing to look up. "None of anything you are saying makes my heart not scared."

"And what does makes you not scared?" Cassie spoke up, turning around and handing Cadence gently over to Holly.

"You do, Mama," Rachel said honestly, giving the blonde dancer a quick peek of her brown eyes. "Don't you remember? You're Cassie the Brave?"

Cassandra sucked in a breath. It had been a long time since Rachel had called her that. "Yes, that's right, isn't it?" she sat down on the floor in front of Rachel, prompting Shelby to do the same. "And I remember something else, kiddo," Cass purposely started talking to Rachel like she did back when they found each other that December day. "You are the peanut butter and Mommy and I are the bread. Can you try to remember that? Even when it's hard to see it sometimes?" Cassie asked, reaching a tender hand up to move Rachel's hair away from her face. It was driving her nuts not being able to see her little girl's eyes. It reminded her of all that hair she had when they first found her in the attic.

"Mama, what will Cadence be?" Rachel asked hesitantly, deciding to look over at the baby again. Her stomach flipped anxiously, so she decided this would be a good time to go to her favorite place to feel loved-her mother's lap.

"I don't know, kid," Cass admitted, knowing what she would say but wanting to get Shelby in on the conversation. Shelby no longer looked pale, since Rachel had crawled into her lap. Her wife really could lay a guilt trip on herself for not being perfect when things were out of her control. "So, Shelby? What is Cadence? We already have pieces of bread and peanut butter..."

"Maybe, she is the plate? April suggested from across the room.

"No, she is the yummy little pickle on the side," Holly disagreed.

"You don't put pickles on Peanut Butter sandwiches," Rachel scrunched her nose again, wiping her snotty face all over her mother's already wet shirt. "Aunt Holly, that's just silly. She's a part of the sandwich, but she has to be like... not a banana because she's tiny as it is. We couldn't put enough on her on the bread."

"Oh, that makes so much sense," Cass said sincerely, Rachel playing with her hair. "She is small now, but she will grow."

"Jelly," Shelby said, decidedly. "What do you think, Rach? If we spread it really carefully, do you think it would make a good sandwich?"

Rachel shrugged nonchalantly, but to Shelby and Cass that was enough. Baby steps were better than no steps.


	12. New York State of Mind

**keeperofwords here: We hope the length of this chapter will make up for how long you have waited for an update for Fragile Journey. I don't know if it is the longest chapter we have written in the "Fragile Universe" but it might be. Kudos to my brilliant co-author for some of the specific locations and description of New York City. She is amazing. Thanks for reading and as always, your comments and feedback are welcome and appreciated.**

 **Hayley here: as someone who studies theatre (and spends a majority of my time there) I really appreciate the support and patience from all of you during this whole process. My schedule has never really allowed for long periods of writing time, but we both treat this book as a child of ours and we love it very dearly. This time last year we posted the first chapter of this second book, and we're very proud to even have averaged about a chapter a month. I want to thank my coauthor for her love and patience and her ability to come up with brilliant ideas in our beautiful universe. Love always. (P.S we took some liberties with FAO Schwarz. I visited New York this year but didn't make it to the original before it closed and wasn't in New York when it reopened recently).**

 **Chapter 12: New York State of Mind**

Early mornings were an understatement now that they had a toddler in the house. Cass had gone to bed late the night before, her head swimming with unsolved scenarios and unanswered questions, and when she opened her eyes that morning she felt like she hadn't slept in Aunt Melissa's bombshell reveal was making her stomach hurt and she woke up with it still on her mind. She could hear Shelby in the kitchen running the Keurig for morning coffee, and indistinct voices on the television in the living room where Rachel, Natalie, and Cady were sitting watching a show that Cassandra couldn't make out. If she walked in and it was the Teletubbies or Dora the Explorer she would throw the television out the window and off the balcony.

As she stumbled into the shower she replayed the conversation word for word in her head once more. Her whole perspective of her mother and the hatred and vile words she loved to spew towards her had lost their punch. It seemed like her mother was just another flawed human being who maybe had a change of heart. Although Cassandra didn't want to go all out and admit that she completely forgave the woman, she did feel that the whole relationship warranted some investigation.

 _But how do I investigate something when I can't talk to the one person I need to confront?_ Cassandra closed her eyes and smacked off the hot water, running her hands down her face and taking a minute to breathe before wrapping herself in a towel.

The dream she'd had about her mother had shaken her to her core. She had never put much weight or thought into the world of the paranormal, but with the anxiety it was giving her she was starting to wonder if there wasn't more to it than she'd always thought.

"What I wouldn't give to talk to Monica about this right now," Cass mumbled under her breath. She used the palm of her hand to wipe condensation off of the mirror. "Monica, if you can hear me…give me a sign, would you?" Cass whispered, inwardly calling herself a nutcase for even entertaining the idea that her sister could respond in any way.

 _Mother isn't even worth a second thought. Is she?_

Cass padded into the bedroom and whipped her towel off and hurled it across the room. It bounced off the side window and dropped to the floor as she pulled her closet door open and scanned it for something to wear. Even though the closet was full of clothes she hadn't worn in years, digging through her suitcase was not enticing.

"Damn it's drafty in here," Cass grumbled to herself as a chill swept her bare shoulders. "Shelby must have the air conditioner set to something extreme..."

She scanned through some of her old dresses. All were perfectly suitable but nothing really caught her eye. _Maybe it's time for a new outfit...or twelve. I am in New York, after all. It's not like I can get into anything even close to the smallest of boutique as far as selection back in Ohio and even Shelby has been commenting that my clothes are getting worn out,_ Cass bit her lower lip in thought. In the meantime she pulled a jade green sundress off of its hook and slipped it on, shivering down to her core. _God damn, Shelby must be having early onset hot flashes..._

She moved back into the bathroom to put on some light makeup. Back in the living room she could hear Cady jabbering up a storm, saying god knows what. Even though it made no sense to anyone else, she was clearly content continuing the conversation. Rachel, meanwhile, seemed to be begging to go out onto the balcony to take pictures with Shelby's cellphone. Faintly, Cassandra heard her wife plead with Rachel to be very careful not to drop it down to the street below.

 _Gods, the girls really are going nuts in here,_ Cass thought. _We need to get out of these four walls. And I did promise Rachel a tour of the city. Even if it is under poor circumstances, it doesn't have to be like this._

Goosebumps covered the woman's arms and she put her makeup back in its case. The smell of a perfume filled the air. It was an old Elizabeth Taylor scent that Cassandra hadn't gone near in years. It made her sick to her stomach anytime she came within feet of it.

"Monica," Cass whirled around the room. She was not frightened exactly, but her heart thumped out of paranoia. "Is that you?"

She was glad the bedroom door was shut tight, because if her wife and kids saw her in that moment she was convinced they would send her to a mental hospital. Holly loved to scare April with those haunted house stories on reality television and this was too scarily similar to that for Cassandra to deal with right now.

The door to the office next to the master bedroom swung open and hit the wall and Cass let out a groan. Without even seeing what was going on over there she knew that her little sister was getting curious again, and against their best efforts to baby-proof the New York apartment, they'd only been able to do so much in such a short period of time.

"God no, I don't need Cadence rummaging around in there," Cass was in the middle of putting in earrings and dropped the second one on her vanity to rush over to the room next to her. Her eyebrows skyrocketed when she stepped into the office and saw that nobody was there. She looked around for small legs possibly hiding in the corner or under the desk, but Cadence was nowhere to be found. The only light in the room was coming from the blinking of an old, terribly outdated answering machine that Cass typically used for business calls. The scent of that damn perfume was even stronger now than it was before and she felt feint. Monica was with her and she was trying to tell her something that had to be it. Cass glanced over at the answering machine. There were a few missed calls and a single message. With shaking hands, Cass pressed the play button and the audio made her fall into her office chair. It was a voice she had not heard in many, many years but she would know it anywhere.

" _Cassandra... Cassandra please pick up the phone… I know you're mad at me, I know I don't deserve for you to even grace me with your presence again, but please...this is important…."_

Megan July's voice had come back from the grave and Cassandra gasped into her hand. Her chest felt constricted. There was a beep, and then another message rolled through.

" _Cassandra, I'm afraid something is going to happen to me and...and your baby sister. She's only one, Cassandra, and she looks just like Monica. I'm frightened for us. The light hasn't left her eyes yet like it left yours and Monica's...I won't let him near her…"_

Another beep. Cassandra felt her heart pounding through her chest. _I think i'm going to throw up._

" _Cassandra, your little sister's name is Cadence. If something does happen...I need you to take custody of her. I will die protecting her if I have to. I made the mistake not doing so with you and Mon… Please, don't let anyone else take her… You're the only one who understands what her life is like, even if she is just a baby…"_

The machine cut her off again and Cassandra called out for her wife, her voice cracking. "Shelby! Shelby!" Melissa wasn't lying to her. What was worse was that her mother had called her crying for help and she hadn't been home to catch it in time before it was too late.

" _I can see this is a lost cause. I deserve that. I deserve all of the anger and hate that you have for me, but Cadence doesn't. She's so bright, and so excited to be alive. She's a little ray of sunshine in this dark and cloudy world and I want you and Shelby to have her. Please. I'm not going to be around much longer. I know that now. And I'm sorry, Cassandra. I know that doesn't fix it now. But I'm so, so very sorry for everything you went through…"_

The high pitched sound cutting off her mother's apology infuriated Cassandra to no end. If she had the energy to stand, she would have picked the damn machine up and threw it for good measure. With every message, her mother's voice sped up a little more. She sounded a little more frantic, a little more rushed. Like something was coming for her.

" _I love you, Cassandra. And I loved Monica. And I love Cadence. Please, keep my little girl safe. Even though I couldn't keep you and Monica safe...You're a much better person than I ever was…"_

"I love you, mom," Cassandra croaked out, her eyes staying on the machine speaking to it like it was her mother incarnate. "I'm sorry I wasn't here...I would have...I will, mom. I will."

. . .

Rachel rocked back and forth on her toes, leaning against the front door of the city apartment. She had a mental list of all the things she wanted to do that day. Being cooped up in the apartment was not one of them. When Cadence cried it echoed on the walls and gave her a headache. Mommy was too nervous to let her go out onto the porch, because she didn't want Rachel to drop her phone and she was scared Cadence might get too close to the balcony. _Geez, she is not even tall enough to climb over the side._ Rachel grumbled to herself. Mama had even put away the tv remote because Cadence kept banging it on the floor.

Rachel wanted to see if New York trees were different from the ones in Ohio. She wanted to feed the pigeons and find the big bookstores with tons of picture books. She wanted to see a show on Broadway.

"Mamaaaaaa," she groaned. "You said we'd leave an hour ago. It is taking so loooooonnnnnng. Cady doesn't care what she wears..." she shuffled over to the window that looked out over the city streets. Rachel couldn't see past the amount of buildings down below, and it had taken some time for her to get used to the idea of staying in a house so high up in the air. She knew her mommy must have liked it a lot, because she saw her sitting up late the night before, in front of the window with tears in her eyes. Rachel didn't want to bother her so she had been a sneaker and made it back to her bedroom without Shelby noticing she was even there.

Mindlessly, Rachel pushed the big grey curtains, that could swallow her whole, back and forth, back and forth. The city apartment was nice enough, she supposed. It was always spotless and it wasn't as warm as the mansion back in Ohio. Or nearly as big. She missed the amount of space that Mama's dance studio provided for her to run around with Barbra. Even though Cassandra had explained to Rachel multiple times that she had her own studio in the city, it just wasn't the same, Rachel determined, as walking downstairs and being able to dance in your pj's if you wanted to. _Besides, you can't take Barbra to the city studio 'cause it's no pets allowed._ Rachel scoffed at the memory, with all the attitude of both of her mothers combined.

"Why do they call New York the city that doesn't sleep?"

"Do the horses in the park have names?"

"Who gets the money out of the fountain? Do they use it to feed the animals in the zoo?"

"Mama? Mama? Are you listening to me, Mama?" Rachel had the strong feeling she was being ignored. Again.

"Mama!" She called again, starting to get fed up with the woman. Her moms had promised her a full day in the city and it was already ten. She crossed her arms over her chest and plopped down on the floor. Was this how it was going to be now? Should she believe a promise? Was she REALLY as important as Cadence? "They don't care about the city as long as the baby's around," she grumped under her breath. "I haven't even had them to myself for a whole year and someone else is already taking them away from me. I don't even care if she _is_ the jelly in the sandwich."

Cadence seemed to rather go naked rather than wear clothes. That was downright embarrassing and got on Rachel's nerves because it was taking so much longer to dress her and mommy was primping in the bathroom more than she EVER did at home. The city made her mommies crazy, she was sure of it. Everything had to be perfect here.

"We're coming, little star," Cass was practically panting as she shut off the light to the bedroom and pulled her little sister up to rest on her waist. "You gotta give me time to adjust to getting two little girls ready instead of just one, kiddo," she smiled softly at Rachel and squatted slightly to kiss the top of her head.

"Yeah, except for I got ready all by myself," Rachel scrunched her nose. Cassandra hadn't caught the previous comments, but she'd heard that one. She spun on her heels and narrowed her eyes, although not unkindly, at her daughter.

"Are you smart mouthing me, little star?" she smirked softly, but there was a smile in her eyes that told Rachel that she wasn't too upset with her. The young girl swallowed.

"No, Mama," she promised. "I'm just ready to _go already_ ," the last part was so matter-of-fact that Cassie had to bite her lip. Rachel's expression clouded. She didn't want to be bad. If she was bad they really might ignore her. After getting so much love and attention since coming to the mansion, It caused her stomach to flip just thinking about going back to being ignored again. On the other hand, Rachel wondered if she was real bad whether they would give her more attention. Rachel would just have to test these things out, she supposed. "You talk like this all the time to mommy and your students and you don't get in trouble," Rachel mumbled under her breath. Mama did not hear her though, she was to busy trying to put Cadence's shoes on.

"You're just as impatient as your mother," she shook her head. Truth be told, Cass was feeling very similar to Rachel. If she had her way, she would grab her credit card and hit her favorite stores alone for hours and hours and not come back until she was either exhausted or Shelby called her, pissed, telling her to get her ass back home. Rachel was right, babies took longer to get together and had more crap to carry around every damn place you go.

It had been a rough couple of weeks, and Cassandra, despite being dead tired from the overwhelming emotions that had been attacking her, was ready to shut out the rest of the world and enjoy the day with her family. A hassle free, worry free, stress free day where nobody fought, nobody was tense, and everybody expressed nothing but the utmost love for each other. She could not tolerate anything else right now. She was at her limit, and Rachel's attitude was testing her patience. Poor Shelby was close behind her, intimidated with not being prepared for how to take care of a toddler. Neither one of them had changed a diaper until they brought Cadence home from the hospital.

"Which mother?" Shelby raised an eyebrow, clicking off all of the lights in the house as she walked towards the front door. She spotted the annoyed look on Rachel's little face from across the room and shook her head. "Mmm mmm, missy. None of that, today. We're supposed to have a fun day in the city, remember? Happy faces today." She was using her Coach Corcoran voice, and Rachel was having none of it. Her lower lip quivered out of anger. The younger Corcoran found it was easier to be mad than to be sad.

 _Use your word_ s, Rachel thought to herself remembering the therapist in counselling. _I'm supposed to use my words . ."_

"Yeah, but we aren't even _in_ the city yet and you're using Coach Corcoran on me and I don't think I even deserve that because I'm just trying to go to the park," she sniffed, her cheeks turning puffy and red from a potential mini-meltdown. This apartment was too small for the four of them, and she was feeling claustrophobic. She wanted to see the Alice in Wonderland statue that matched the picture in her book, and she wanted to make a wish in the fountain that Mommy was always talking about. The last thing she wanted to do was waste another minute daydreaming out the window when she knew she could be outside enjoying the beauty of the city before they flew back home to Ohio. If they wanted her to stay here and not ride home on the plane to Barbra, why did they not act like it?

"Mommy," Rachel spoke, her voice not above a whisper as she drew into herself. She really wished she could go to the attic right now. But there was no attic and no room in this apartment house. "I don't mean to be bad. It's just different." Rachel spun around on her heels and moved back to the window. "You have never used your Coach Corcoran voice on me when we weren't in school."

Shelby let out a patient breath. "I'm not upset with you, sweetheart. I'm just reminding you that today we're all supposed to have a good time, and just go with the flow for once, okay? I know none of us are good at that, that's why we're going to try. I'm sorry if I sounded harsh. It wasn't my intention." she dropped down to her knees in front of her daughter, who was fashioning a little blue dress with gold stars all over it. It had been a present from Aunt Dee one rainy day, to brighten Rachel's mood. Shelby reached forward and tickled Rachel's sides, a huge grin on her face. "Now let's see those pearly white teeth sparkle like the stars on that dress, yeah?"

Rachel's laugh was infectious. "Mommy!" she giggled, backing away from the tickles. She squealed in delight when Shelby picked her up and twirled her, plopping her on her waist just like Cassie was carrying Cadence.

"Are we ready to be in a good mood now?" Shelby questioned.

"Yes, yes," Rachel moved her hair out of her face with the hand she wasn't using to hold on to her mother and Shelby nodded her head, decidedly.

"Good, let's go." She led the way out the front door and Cassie shut it behind them, forcing away their troubles with the turn of the lock.

. . .

Shelby was thankful for the billionth time that trip that they had Henry to drive them wherever they needed to go. If they'd had to take any form of public transportation or, heaven forbid, a _taxi_ with a curious little girl and a finicky baby, the little shred of patience Shelby had left would have flown right out the window with Cassandra's sanity. The skilled driver wove them as smoothly as possible in and out of the city streets. More than once he had to slam on his breaks to avoid a crash, but the backseat was so spacious that it didn't jolt the family too much.

Cadence had a hand in her mouth as she sat on her older sister's lap and stared out the window quietly, eyes wide with wonder. Rachel, her polar opposite, was bouncing in the middle seat, practically crawling over Shelby's lap to press her face against the glass of the car window.

"What building is that, Mommy? Did you ever work around this area? Have you been to that store over there?"

"Yes, Rachel," Shelby smiled softly. "I did used to work up here. When I was younger I worked at that Sephora over there. But most of the places I worked are in Midtown, near the theatre district. We're Uptown right now."

"What's Sephora?" Rachel scrunched her eyebrows and then widened her eyes when they got closer to the aforementioned store. "That building is huge!"

"It's a makeup store, Little Star," Cass answered to give Shelby a break.

"That's a lot of makeup," she whispered, amazed, tilting her head to try to view the three story building. Shelby laughed lightly and Cassie spoke, projecting her voice so Henry would hear her.

"Hey, Henry, could you drop us off at that Sephora right there? I could use some new...everything." she admitted, her tone implying that this was more than just a frivolous shopping trip.

Shelby flashed a look of concern towards her wife, but it was fleeting. She didn't want to ruin the projected mood of the day, and the last thing she wanted to do was make Cassandra any more uncomfortable than she already was.

"Shopping spree?" Shelby asked, a hint of surprise in her voice, but also excitement.

"Why the hell not? Sometimes change is good," Cassandra nodded, shocking everyone in the car besides little Cady, who didn't know any better and clapped her hands at the smile on Rachel's face.

. . .

After Sephora, Cassandra still felt restless. The bags she carried on her arms were going to have to be dropped off at the car before they moved to another shopping area, but she was content with her new choices. The makeup she'd been using before she'd had for well over a year, and Shelby had been in the same boat. Rachel hadn't noticed and always thought they looked beautiful no matter what, but she was also in awe of the new shades of midnight blue and soft grey that Cassie had chosen for herself, and the dark emerald nail polish that Mommy had chosen had sparkles in it; she couldn't wait to try some of it on.

She'd been very good and super careful not to touch anything in the store without her mothers' permission, but she couldn't resist wanting to look pretty and grown up like her mommies. Shelby had let her try on a baby pink lip gloss and Cassie dusted her eyelids with a gold shimmer to match her dress. Rachel twirled excitedly on the tips of her toes. One day, she promised herself, she would wear all of the sparkly jewelry, high heels, and prettiest bold makeup like her mommies did.

Having never been in a makeup store before, the only time she'd ever really seen it was on the faces of the women she surrounded herself with every day. Of course, she'd seen it on performers during the Winter Showcase and Shelby had done her makeup for that, but Rachel didn't know how to use any of it or what each thing was. The Reverend's wife used to wear lipstick, though, and Rachel remembered the exact shade of it. It was an ugly coral pink that didn't quite match her skin tone so it always seemed out of place. When Rachel caught a glimpse of a similar shade in the store, she'd shuddered silently to herself.

Cass tapped her foot on the ground as if to say, "where to next?" and then realized that what she really wanted to do was get lost in the clothing racks of New York shops. "Shelbs, you wanna go try on some new clothes?" she suggested, nudging her wife's arm encouragingly. "I know you miss third avenue. And fifth avenue."

Shelby's eyes lit up in recognition. "Ann Taylor is on third. Bloomingdales is on third!"

"And you know what's on fifth," Cassandra prompted, shifting Cadence on her hip and giving her wife an expectant stare. It'd been a while since they'd been in the city, but surely it hadn't been long enough for Shelby to forget her favorite jewelry store.

"Tiffany," The brunette let out a breath of what Cassandra could only describe as bliss.

"Tiffany," Cassandra agreed, biting her lower lip. Stores in Ohio were practically nothing and she'd missed them all terribly.

With her wife on her arm walking through their favorite city streets, Cassandra felt a pang of longing that she knew Shelby had been feeling for days. She knew deep down that they were too young to be settling in Ohio, but now that they had the school and the kids she wasn't sure how they'd pull off coming back home. She knew in her heart that they'd either need to visit more often or return for a while. They weren't done with what the city had to offer them. Not yet. New Jersey was no longer an excuse anymore, that Cassandra was positive of.

. . .

Cassandra let her fingers lightly brush past a group of tank tops hanging on a rack behind her. She was long past needing a new wardrobe. Her current set of clothes were starting to put her on edge, and with all of the change that had come about in her life, her style was suffering drastically. She turned to face the window of the shop, where Rachel and Natalie were starring, gape-mouthed, at a pair of 8-inch stilettos.

"Mama," Rachel called out. "These look like something you would wear!"

Cass covered her smile with her hand and turned slyly towards Shelby, who was on the opposite end of the store, looking at dressy summer tops. "I don't know, I think maybe your Mommy should try them on…" she emphasized "mommy" just enough to get her wife's attention.

Shelby spun around and rolled her eyes, knowingly. "I think Mommy would break her ankle if she wore those shoes for more than 30 seconds."

Cass smiled softly at the comfortable banter. After being under so much recent stress, the warmth that flooded Cassandra's body at the sight of Shelby's eyes twinkling with laughter was a welcomed feeling. She inched her way over to Shelby and slid a hand into the back pocket of her shorts.

"Wanna test out that theory?" Cass challenged. Shelby shook her head, shoving an armful of hangers and different styles in Cass's direction.

"Wanna try these on?" she countered. "You've been wearing some of the same clothes for three years. These are your size."

Cassandra protested with her eyebrows, only slightly annoyed that other people were noticing that she had been off her fashion game. She knew it wasn't the thing she needed to be focused on at the moment, that overall it didn't really matter, but to her it did because she wasn't used to always being so uncomfortable. Her clothes were suffocating her, and most days it was all she could do to get through the day so she could go home, strip, and throw on a large sweatshirt, or just stay clothesless, then fall into bed to be comfortable again. She took the clothes from her wife and found the nearest dressing room.

"We can't afford _all_ of this shopping, Shelby," she called behind her.

"I know, but we can't afford for you to be so uncomfortable all the time, either. It puts you on edge and I know you," Shelby called through the dressing room door. "Hurry up and change, I want to see those clothes on you, they're perfect."

"Perfect is you and I, clothesless, in bed, without having to worry about anything fitting properly or-"

"Cassandra," Shelby warned, turning to see if Rachel or Natalie were close enough to hear. "Remember where we are."

"Remember where we _could_ be," Cass teased back, pulling on a pair of black jeans Shelby had handed to her up over her calves. Once she got to her thighs she realized they were going to be a little bit tight on her, but nevertheless she persevered, sucking in her stomach and jumping a little bit to try to work them up. Trying to button them was not going to come as easily. With an annoyed huff, she rolled the pants down and rechecked the tag. They were her size, but maybe not in this style.

She picked up a different pair of pants, some sleek pinstripe dress pants, and went through the exact same process. Getting aggravated, she stomped her foot on the ground and ripped the pants off of her body.

"What the fuck…" she muttered. She took off all offending clothing articles and stared at her body in the full length mirror, scrutinizing any inch of cellulite on her hips, noticing a small patch of bright red stretch marks forming on her hips. "No fucking way," she ran her fingers over them. "How? I've been dancing" Cassie picked up the garment to look at the tag. "Petite, Shelby Kimberly Corcoran-July, since when is petite my size?"

"Hmm?" the singer replied, only half paying attention now to her wife in the dressing room. She was instead looking under the racks of the latest swim suits and her nine year old. Rachel was crawling around underneath it, reminding her a lot of Barbra. If they weren't in such a high end store, she would have continued to let it slide.

Shelby cocked her head noticing that all of the strings of the suits were falling onto the floor. "Honey, no," she dropped down into a squat to address her daughter "Rachel honey I know you're intrigued but please get up off of the floor and behave for Mommy, okay? This store has a lot of very expensive things in it, and we can't act in the city the same way we do in Ohio…"

Rachel got up as she was told and whispered a sorry then quickly ran to another rack to look at all of the clothes she thought would look good on her mommies and her aunts. She even found some clothes that she thought she might like to own. _And then I can twirl around and feel pretty like Mama and Mommy… they must always feel like models or something._

"Shelby, Shelby Kimberly, " Cassie growled from the dressing room, thinking her wife was still right outside. Her temper was threatening to assert itself. It was Shelby that had asked her to try on the damn clothes in the first place. Cass lowered her body to look under the hanging curtain in the dressing room. Shelby's feet had disappeared. She could hear Shelby talking to April as well as an excited giggle that sounded like her baby sister. _Cadence is going to have a mouth as loud as mine, her voice projects through the whole store… I'm one of those women now. I'm one of those women I used to stare at because they had kids screaming in the store that they could never get to shut up._

"Okay, Cassie, I'm here, I'm here. Show me how things look on you, I want to see!" Shelby resettled herself in front of the dressing room but by this point Cassandra had already gone through all of the clothes and none of them looked appropriate enough for her to open the door.

"I would, if anything fit," Cassandra informed her, clear irritation in her voice as she pulled off a shirt that was too tight in the arms. "There's no way these are my size because these jeans say petite… though I'm not sure if I can use that excuse. I haven't been to the gym in weeks, and these tops aren't fitting either...I can't afford to let myself go, I just can't, Shelby." Cass's voice cracked with emotion.

Shelby tapped lightly on the door with her fist. "Baby, can I come in?"

"Not right now, Shelby, give me a minute…" Cassandra continued to search her body, loosening her bra to check her breasts for stretch marks as well. With an eye more critical than a medical doctor, Cassandra did the mother of all body checks. She looked for those small but noticeable marks that ran across the top side of each breast. She pouted out her lower lip, even more annoyed remembering how her father used to put her mother down constantly about her weight.

"Would you tell me if I gained a lot of weight?" Cass asked, her heart racing as she started to get herself worked up.

There was a pause where Shelby was clearly taken aback. "What are you talking about? You haven't gained that much weight."  
"You should tell that to these huge ass stretch marks all over my body," Cass threw herself down on the bench in the room.

"Baby, they can't be that bad if I haven't even noticed them, let me in…" Shelby jiggled the locked door handle.

"No, no, it's fine. I'm fine," Cassandra rolled her eyes. "Can you just… can you find the size up, please? Maybe they changed their sizing here since we came last time." She knew she was making an otherwise exciting day more stressful than it was supposed to be. This wasn't the time for a mental breakdown, no matter what the reason.

"I'm sorry for bringing you the wrong size, baby," Shelby apologized. "It's been a really long time since we've shopped here, maybe you gained muscle weight that I just didn't account for? Honestly hun, if we go got the size I was wearing when I was doing seven shows a week, I'm not sure any of it would fit either. Cassandra, you are beautiful."

Cass could feel the sincerity in Shelby's words. It took the sting off the stretch marks she had seen, but only for a few moments. Cassandra's head was telling her that those marks might as well have been drawn on in bright red lipstick and she couldn't help but stare at them. She spun around and gave herself a critical eye in the mirror. She had the tightest of abdominal muscles. She flexed her arms and there was not an ounce of fat on them. She had the body of an athlete. But she was intelligent enough to know that an athlete's muscle could turn to fat faster than she could dance the two step. She was seriously on the verge of letting her damn father risk her ability to look her best and feel her healthiest, which were important in her line of work.

"Let's just go somewhere else for now, okay? I can get new clothes when we go back home. We can't afford it right now, anyways…" Cass was in no mood to shop anymore. This was not supposed to be a pleasure trip anyway. She just needed to get her parents affairs in order and go home. Today was a spur of the moment happiness boost, but it was mostly for Rachel so she wouldn't feel so stir crazy and because it didn't feel fair to keep her from having a good time in the city of her dreams. Cassandra knew she'd been trying to please Shelby to take her own mind off of what was going on around her, and that had a lot to do with why they were on fifth avenue as well. It was obvious how much Shelby missed the city and this entire time Cassandra had been questioning why they ever left in the first place, besides all the family drama.

"Look Mommy, look Mama," Rachel ran to her mothers excitedly, bouncing up and down. "I made an airplane just like we rode in. See?"

Cassie could not help but smirk when the small brown haired girl crawled under the curtain to stare up at her. "Mama? Why are you standing in here in just your bra and panties? Are you going to try some bras and panties on next? I am sure Auntie Holly can bring some in after she buys Natalie a new bra."

Not waiting for a reply, Rachel moved back to the other side of the curtain so she could see her mother's face.

"Mommy, Mama doesn't like the clothes you gave her. She hated them so much she threw them on the floor," Rachel spoke, pushing a hanger and a pair of pants up into Shelby's arms. "It's probably because you got them in that section that was not on sale. We got to get the ones on sale so we can buy more outfits for our money."

Cassandra managed a small laugh. "Maybe you're right, Rach, maybe we should be thrift shopping instead."

Shelby eyed the curtain of the dressing room in concern. "This is one of your favorite stores, Cassie."

Cassandra shrugged, trying not to show her self-conscious state in front of her wife and daughter. "Maybe it's about time I've found a different store? Or mayyybe," she finished pulling on her original outfit and exited the dressing room, crouching down to Rachel's level. "We need to ditch this hot dog stand and find something more fun to do." she bopped Rachel on the nose with her finger then kissed the little girl's forehead. "Let's spend that money on something cooler than clothes, huh?"

Excitement shone in Rachel's chocolate brown eyes. "Can we go see a show, Mama?" she pleaded, closing her hands together and shaking them back and forth hopefully.

"You know what, shining star? I think that's a brilliant idea." Cassandra gave her little girl a wink. "Maybe we can do that right before we leave the city so you're left with the best impression. It's a little late to figure out tickets today. But we could go to the toy store instead?"

"Will that make you feel better, Mama?" Rachel scrunched her nose and questioned. "Why were you so upset in the dressing room? Mommy called you beautiful, don't you already know that you are?"

Cassandra bit her lip, careful about what words she was going to use next not only because Rachel was young and impressionable but also because her wife was listening in and she was in no mood to hash this out later. Although she was sure it would come up again soon. She could never keep things from Shelby for long.

"I was just a little frustrated with myself because those clothes wouldn't fit, shining star," she told the truth.

"But it's not your fault they weren't the right size, Mama." Rachel pointed out matter-of-factly.

 _Who am I to argue with a nine-year-old?_ Cassandra asked herself.

"You're right, Rachie, it's not my fault. But it is my fault that I've gained a little bit of weight and now my clothes back at home that I wear every day don't fit me as well as they used to."

Rachel shrugged as if this had the easiest solution in the world. "Well then we'll just find your right size the next time we go shopping, Mama. I don't think you look like you've gained weight and if you have that's okay too because you're still just as pretty. I still want to grow up to be as pretty as you." she said shyly, hoping that she wasn't saying anything that was going to upset her. Cassandra spent a lot of time being upset lately, Rachel noticed.

Cassandra swallowed a lump in her throat. "Well, I want to grow up to be as pretty as you, Rachel Corcoran-July," she whispered.

"Mama, that's so silly," Rachel giggled. "You're already grown up, and besides you have blonde hair."

Cassandra smiled at Rachel's logic. "You think maybe I should dye it brown like yours then?" she joked. From the corner of her eye she saw Shelby's eyes widen and her mouth form a big, "NO,"

"No, Mama!" Rachel shook her head fast. "Your hair is too pretty the way it is."

"If you say soooo," Cassie sing-songed, scooping Rachel up into her arms and kissing at her cheek. "You always know how to make me feel better, shining star."

It seemed that while Holly had been with Natalie, April had gotten her shopping groove on. The petite blonde had procured two clerks who each were holding their arms full of clothes. At it seemed that was not the end of it, thrown over the stroller appeared to be a dark blue dress with white polka dots and another in the same style only in a much smaller size.

Cassie's breath hitched when she realized what her friend had found while she had been back in the dressing rooms obsessing over gaining a few pounds in the last two weeks. April had found the girls appropriate outfits for the funeral service.

"It's about time, you two. I had to send Rachel here to the dressing rooms because it seems Shelbs would have rather had you hidden away back there, half naked and unfocused when we have a day of fun left to get to," April piped up, ignoring the fact that Cassie's eyes were red like she was upset and could have been easily having a moment. She would address it later when they weren't in public.

"They were gone soooooo long, Auntie April, that Cadence fell asleep in the stroller under that blanket you have on top of it so the "ratzi" cant take her picture," Rachel added, tugging at both her mother's hands to move quicker. "Mama, that's your pile, April got your shopper lady to pick them out of the right section soes they fit and you could look like a model around here."

Cassie smirked in spite of herself, uncomfortable that April knew to buy a size up, but grateful that she cared enough to notice and not say anything.

"And Shelby honey, Cass can't have all the fun, nor should I as your best friend allow a fashion disaster by having her in season and you still in last years trends," April winked at her.

"April, I don't really think..." Shelby tried, fumbling with her handbag to grab her cell phone so she knew what time it was. They'd been there a long time and there was so much more to show the girls in the city while they still could.

"Right, don't think Shelbs," April shook her head, nodding at each clerk to hand both of the women in New York's favorite Broadway Power Couple a set of outfits. "Thank me later, they had your credit card information on file. They are all set to be charged to your account along with the dresses for the girls for the service and shoes for them."

Shelby opened her mouth to offer a retort, but changed her mind when she saw her wife grin widely and roll her eyes. If Cass was in a better mood about the whole thing and was finally enjoying shopping in this store, so be it. God only knew, she could use the pick me up. The brunette gave April a look and nod that told the doctor how much she appreciated the gesture and support before she trudged back into the dressing room, the store clerk leading the way.

Behind her head she heard April call out, "Separate dressing rooms, please! We can't be here all day. Henry told me he knows where we can go get Rachel a "Glinda" bear to go with her "Elphie" one, and I need to go spoil my newest niece too, with a furry stuffed friend to call her own."

In twenty minutes flat, Cassandra was carrying more bags out of the store than she cared to admit. Henry didn't seem to mind too much, happily stuffing the bags into the trunk with a grin from ear to ear because he hadn't seen Cassandra smile in a long time.

. . .

Rachel was completely amazed by the size of the toy store that loomed in front of them. Four workers stood outside at the doors, dressed in red toy soldier uniforms and smiling brightly at the massive amount of customers entering the store. It was too many people for Rachel's comfort, and although she was excited to see what secret wonders the toy store had to offer, she clung tightly to Shelby, feeling nervous. It was more crowded on that side of the street than it was in Mama's favorite store. To Shelby's relief, it was enough to keep Rachel from running off by herself to explore. Instead, she locked one hand firmly in with Shelby's and the other was wrapped around Cassie's left thigh.

Mesmerized by the number of displays and rows of dolls, legos, books, games, and even stuffed animals that greeted them when they entered the store, Rachel and Natalie were unsure what to look at first. Natalie's jaw dropped to the floor, and although she was embarrassed to be excited about a toy store, (because according to what she had told April earlier, she was too old for something like that), she couldn't help but cover her mouth and squeal. She'd never seen so many toys and games in her life.

What caught Rachel's attention first was a train. It was not in a box like a lot of the other toys, but was moving along a track that winded through the shelves and over a bridge through a fake town with houses and trees. It had five cars and a shiny red caboose, reminding Rachel of a storybook the nice Library lady had read at storytime once, back in Ohio. Long before she found Shelby and Cassie's mansion, she chanted the mantra from the book in her mind to power her through long nights that she spent hungry, and freezing. _I think I can, I think I can…_

The nine-year-old found herself up on her toes leaning over a railing just so she could get level with the train track. It clicked along and Rachel felt like the clicking was a beat like a rhythm to a song. She barely noticed when Natalie ran up beside her. Rachel just reached over and grabbed her hand. The adults stood close behind, sharing knowing smiles with one another. Shelby's eyes teared up watching her young daughter get so excited over something as simple as a train set, knowing that play time was hard to come by for Rachel growing up.

"It's so real," Rachel exclaimed, refusing to take her eyes off of the scene playing out in front of her, regardless of the other thousands of games and light up activities surrounding her. "It's just like the real thing!"

"Look Rachel, it even has a whistle," Natalie exclaimed, equally entranced while reaching for a button on top of a little box mounted to the wood display board the train ran on. The young teen double clicked the button and the shrill whistle blew. Rachel's eyes widened.

"How did you know to do that?"

Both girls shared a laugh and both seemed to spot a shelf of little toy figurines like houses, churches, people, and plants.

"This one looks like the mansion," Natalie spoke up thoughtfully, pulling it off the shelf and sticking it where the town was set up.

Rachel quickly picked out two people, making sure they were girls and not boys. She was happy to see that there was one with brown hair and one that was a blonde.

"And that is Mama and Mommy," Rachel added, sticking them in front of the house and then clapping her hands together excitedly.

Natalie reached out to the shelf once more and added, "That is Stef's police car. Let's set it in front of the police station."

"There's nothing here that looks like the Victorian," Rachel frowned as she shuffled figures around on the shelf.

"But there is this car," Natalie spoke up. "It looks like April's, kind of! Same color, anyway."

The pair played, oblivious to the people milling around the store around them. Neither girl noticed their pictures being taken by their mothers or aunties. Although the store was anything but quiet, a sort of tranquility settled over the girls, calming them. For a few moments, everyone was able to put aside thoughts of death, funerals, revelations and self doubts.

Rachel frowned a little when Cadence toddled over beside her and made a grab for one of the train cars as it passed by. Natalie had the situation under control before Rachel could even utter her annoyance, and handed the baby a separated train car. Cadence laughed and set it down onto their playing field. She didn't have it on any part of the actual track, but Rachel guessed that babies probably didn't know the difference. The squeal of delight that came out of Cadence's mouth embarrassed Rachel a little, wondering if she would one day be able to shout as loud as her Mama did, being that they were related and all.

"Shh, Cady, not so loud," Rachel placed her finger to her lips, taking a little bit of pride in feeling almost like a big sister for a moment. Not that it mattered much how loud Cadence was being, over the roar of music playing over the loudspeaker and hundreds of other kids being just as rambunctious.

"We should get one of these for the attic," Shelby leaned over and spoke in Cassie's ear so she could hear her. "We been talking about remodelling it as a playroom and quiet space for Rachel since she loves it so much up there. This could be one of the main features of the room."

"Mhmm," Cassie nodded, nonchalantly wiping a tear from the corner of her eye. Watching the girls play without fear of punishment or having their toys taken from them had made her emotionally beat. _You gotta control yourself better, July, where's that feisty woman Shelby married?_ She asked herself, blinking away a final tear. A wicked thought came to her mind that she could not resist whispering in her wife's ear, knowing the girls were so occupied they would not be paying attention to her anyway. "Though it's not fair that a nine year old gets a playroom before I do. I mean I _have_ been begging you for one since we moved into the mansion." she drawled it out in that syrupy voice she knew drove Shelby crazy. It was one she hadn't used on her wife in a while and Shelby's bit the inside of her cheek, fluttering her eyes thinking about it.

Rachel knew they thought she wasn't listening but she and Natalie had finished playing with the train and were ready to look at everything else the store had to offer. She stood in front of her parents, attention rapt. She had learned long ago that she always needed to be aware of what adults around her were saying and doing. It had been a matter of self-preservation with the Reverend. Now, it was more so that she found her mothers interesting, so she cared about what they were talking about. Especially her mama, because she always found something funny to talk about.

"She's right, Mommy," Rachel spun on one foot, looking up matter-of-factly at a shell-shocked Shelby. "You make her keep her toys locked in the drawer next to the bed, so I can't get to them. Even though I know the key is in the desk drawer in the office." she rocked back and forth on her toes, impishly.

"Rachel, how do you know where that key is kept?" Shelby asked slowly, her heart stopping a little at the thought of that little girl having any more of her innocence spoiled than it already was. For a minute she had forgotten that they were out in public. Anybody could be listening in, and many people probably were.

Rachel pressed her lips together into a fine line. "I listen more than people think I do," she giggled a little bit. "But I never see what kinds of toys Mama has. It's not nice to play with someone else's toys without asking." Rachel thought about it for a moment, then looked at Cassie pointedly and spoke, "I have never asked you exactly though, but the one you called "wormy" looked very fun to play with and it even glowed. Was that fun to play with?" Rachel asked innocently. She wanted to ask to play with it in the dark attic to see if the lights reached the ceiling, but from her mother's expression she didn't dare ask.

 _I am the worst parent imaginable,_ Cass thought to herself. _What am I doing? We need a better system. If the social workers heard Rachel talking like this…_

Shelby covered her mouth with one hand and squeezed Cassie's wrist with the other, in reassurance. "Excuse me, sir," Shelby called out to get the attention of a sales clerk who had been watching them for some time. From the way he had been acting, it was clear he had recognized Cassandra and herself, but had made no attempt to engage with them unless they spoke to him first. "Do you have any toys that glow?"

Rachel had no clue why all the adults were snickering nor did she get why Natalie was now rolling her eyes when before she had been so playful. The adults, Rachel determined, were just impossible to figure out sometimes.

"Why yes, Ms Corcoran," the man offered, adjusting his toy soldier hat. "We have light brite sets over in section four, and I think near the baby section we have some glowing teddy bears and some stars that can be hung on a nursery wall."

 _The baby…_ Shelby thought, chastising herself for forgetting that they had a nursery to put together at home. A room that not only needed planning but furniture and decor purchased needed to be purchased still, as well.

"Stop it right there girlfriend," April held a finger up to her best friend, mid-thought. "Stef and Lena have already brought over Jude's old crib and changing table for you until you and Cassie have the time and funds to dedicate to completely decking out a nursery. The changing table even doubles as a dresser. Most necessities are covered." The petite doctor pecked her friend on the cheek before leaning down and picking up Cadence, who was close to putting a toy train car in her mouth.

"Come on, baby girl," Shelby reached her hand out for Rachel to take, leading them towards section four while Cassandra hung back to order the train set and make arrangements to have it shipped to the mansion Ohio. Although curious about Shelby's shenanigans with the light up toys, Cassandra knew she'd hear all about it. Shelby had every intention of purchasing a light brite, that is until April whispered in her ear that that toy would be a bad idea around a baby who would eat the pegs.

"Look Rachel," Shelby redirected her daughter to a set of light up piano keys on the floor. "What do you think that is?"

"It's a big piano, Mommy," Rachel's voice rose an octave out of excitement.

Shelby let herself be pulled along, knowing there was a good possibility this would somehow end up being photographed or recorded by someone in the store, but she could not focus on things like that right now. At least, she was trying very hard not to let it distract her. Her sweet baby girl ran across the oversized piano keys and they lit up as she landed on each one. Rachel pleaded with her mommy to join her with those imploring brown eyes. Shelby would not let this opportunity to play with her daughter slip through her fingers. She was often reminded that she had already lost nine years, and time to her was so very precious. Handing April her purse, Shelby experimented on how to manipulate the piano by running down the keyboard much like a pianist would run their hand across a set of keys. Rachel watched her closely, eager to move just like her, and tried to mimic her steps. Shelby had done a grapevine across the keys, and Rachel stumbled a little trying to follow.

"Mommy, play for me," Rachel begged, grabbing her mother's hands tightly. "Please, Mommy? Please?"

 _What the hell can I play on this massive keyboard? I'm in shorts and heels, I'm going to have to jump to reach the right notes and the entire damn store is watching us now… Whatever it is can't have a lot of sharps and flats..._ She racked her brains, looking around at the crowd that had formed around them, many of the people holding up phone cameras. _Ignore them, Shelby, this is about your personal life, not your career. Learn to separate them._

"Hey Corcoran," a familiar voice called from behind her. A voice she knew intimately. Her partner, onstage and off, had her arms crossed over her chest and a wide grin plastered on her face. "Play Twinkle Twinkle Little Star". Rachel and I will sing along, won't we, shining star?" she prompted.

"Sure Mama, I can do that," Rachel pushed through the small crowd that was growing by the second to drag her Mama closer to them. "You can't sing from back there, you've got to get in front of the audience."

 _My little diva,_ Shelby thought to herself, proud of her young star and making a mental note to remember this moment in time and reflect on it from now on any time she sat down to perform on stage. This was what mattered now. What made all of the performances worth it.

"Ready, Corcoran?" Cassie sauntered up to her wife and daughter, taking Rachel's hand and kneeling down to her level. "Put your weight into it." she coached, laughing behind her hand as Shelby kicked her heels off and set them to the side.

"Jump mommy! Now" Rachel encouraged clapping her hands together, her patience waning in lieu of her excitement.

"Rachel and I will follow your lead," Cassandra promised.

Shelby held a finger up to tell her wife and daughter not to sing as she ran through a practice run by herself. She got through it, but her foot had slipped a time or two. Because she was a professional and a perfectionist, she made an attempt to run it again, but Cassandra stopped her, squeezing Rachel's hand and starting in on the first note. The song sounded perfect and Shelby was letting her nerves overwhelm her instead of having fun with it.

Once Cassandra and Rachel's sweet voices filled the room, the girls standing in front of some toy microphones set up next to the piano, a sense of calm and fun washed over Shelby. Cassandra watched her wife, proudly. The music simply flowed through Shelby and the woman radiated this beauty that Cassandra had never been able to describe-especially when she was performing.

Shelby hopped and stepped carefully on the keys on the floor. Cass smirked when she noticed that instead of their song and voices just going through the little speaker on the floor, they were being displayed through the overhead speaker in the store. Cadence fussed in Holly's arms until the woman let her stand on the floor on her own, jumping around to the song and doing her own little toddly dance in front of the piano as the famous trio finished their third and final round of the song.

"Look Mama, Cady can dance just like you," Rachel pointed, giving Cassie a side hug before running back to her mother who was motioning with her hand. Rachel stood behind Shelby and Shelby slowly, carefully, stepped on each key and went through the motions of dancing out the melody so Rachel could copy it on her own.

April, Holly and Natalie all got the whole thing on tape, each of the three standing at different angles. The performance ended with a thunderous applause. Shelby loved the applause, but more rewarding was her daughter's bright smile and stare of admiration. The singer had to admit also that Cadence's simple appreciation of music and wanting to join in the moment had made her melt inside that much more. She wished, fleetingly, that her mother and father could see her now. Although she hadn't had that pang in her heart for them in a long time, this expanding feeling of family and its completeness had made her consider things she had thought she had long put aside, just like they had put her aside nine years ago.

"Ms July?" a worker's voice reigned Shelby's thoughts back in.

Cassandra turned around with her baby sister in her arms, a sixty something year old man with a short sleeve dress shirt, bow tie and dress slacks greeting her with a friendly smile. A FAO Schwarz name tag on the shiny lapel at the front of the shirt helped assume he was the store manager. He gave her baby sister a wink and Cassie felt at ease with him instantly because of it.

"I have worked in this store for forty years, since I was sixteen years old. In that time, I have seen many people come here. Children I sold trucks and dolls to come in now as parents and grandparents." the older gentleman spoke, getting to his point very quickly. He'd heard rumors about the famous Miss July's temperament, and the last thing he wanted to do was upset her. "I don't know if you remember me, Miss July, but I remember you as a little girl. You came in this store with an older sister once. This wee one is a mirror image of you both."

Cassie understood where the conversation was going. Her first inclination was either to strike out verbally or just walk away. She trusted her gut instinct, which was telling her to stay put. This man seemed to pose no immediate threat to her. Cadence was smiling at him. She kept silent, trusting Cadence's feelings towards him and nodding her acceptance of the information, prompting him to continue.

"You were quite a dancer. You loved to dance to the music boxes when your older sister would wind them up," the old man smiled fondly at the memory. "I would very much like to give you music box for the wee one, as well as one for the daughter you share with Miss Corcoran."

Taken aback, Cassie mustered out a, "Sir, I'm flattered but..." the more she studied his expression, the more she realized that she would offend him and genuinely hurt his feelings if she declined the offer. He had a far away look in his eye, caught in a memory.

"I have seen your little sister in this store every couple of weeks since she was born. Sometimes with a nanny, sometimes not," the man spoke carefully, not referring to Cassie's parents by name. "I just wanted you to know that this is the happiest I have ever seen her, Miss July."

Shelby gathered Rachel into her arms and gave her a hug and kiss on the cheek as the crowd that had gathered finally started to clear. The singer was glad that store security was keeping the real paparazzi outside, not wanting to ruin the day and scare the girls or add to her wife's stress. She noticed Cassandra rubbing Cadence's back and nodding towards the worker she was speaking with. Her eyes were not distressed, but showing true emotion. Clutching Rachel to her side, Shelby sheltered her from the rest of the crowd that had not returned to shopping but instead kept watching them. Carefully, she picked her way through the people and made it to her wife, joining the conversation just in time to hear the store employee ask if he could give them a tour of the store. She raised a curious eyebrow when a genuine grin spread across Cassandra's lips and she answered the man yes.

The Corcoran-July family and friends walked almost in a caravan through the store. Cass didn't particularly care much about the baby dolls you could adopt and choose an eye color or outfit for when they made it to that section, but Rachel found it amazing and Cadence wanted to give each of the dolls a kiss as they passed.

"Cady has a baby," April cooed, and it was all Cass could do not to roll her eyes and sick her finger down her throat at the mushiness. Cady gave a toothy smile, though, so Cass just told the clerk to put it on her tab along with the train set for Rachel.

The dolls reminded Rachel that she had a baby sister coming home with them, so she didn't want one for herself. The man showed her Barbies, and she knew that as a girl she was supposed to like those things. At least, all of the girls in her Mama's dance classes seemed to. But she couldn't get past the idea that Barbie had too many outfits, and why did she need a boat, car, and the hugest house in the world, anyway? Rachel's eyes did rise however when the nice man showed them the tallest most giantantic mountain of stuffed animals in the whole wide world.

Any animal the group could think of lined the surrounding shelves in abundance. A large vat of fluff churned in the center of the room and kids were lined up to stuff their animal friends with love and fluff. As excited as Rachel was to go be apart of it, one display in particular drew her attention away away from that tall mountain of stuffed animals larger than she was.

It was its own separate area in the store, in a small room that was designed to look like a proscenium arch stage in an "auditorium". Bright yellow lights lined the ceiling, heavy red curtains were draped in front of the doors of the room, and a framed sign sat on an easel beckoning people forward.

"Mommy?" Rachel asked Shelby, who held the girl's hand so she would not get lost in the large space.

Rachel pointed to the set of curtains. "This is like Broadway, right?" her smile was so authentic that Shelby nearly teared up with pride just looking at her daughter.

She peered into the separate room, curiously. It wasn't as if she typically had a reason to venture around in a toy store. It had been too painful, before. Anytime she had to get a baby shower gift or birthday present before Rachel's arrival, she had sent Holly with her credit card. The entire month of December made her stomach roll, so going into a toy store any time of the year was generally unthinkable.

 _What a crazy difference this year made…_ Shelby thought to herself running her hand through Rachel's long brown hair. _Hell, not even a year._ _What would it have been like for you, if you had been raised here? Gods, Cass would have bought out the store every December with both a birthday and Christmas to buy for… Then again it really depends on whether you would have been with us. I mean, Cadence has spent her whole young life here, and it wasn't a great start to her childhood…_

"Mommy, whatcha thinking about?" Rachel asked, pulling at her mother's hand insistently. "Mama, hurry up!" Rachel called back across her shoulder at her other Broadway star of a mother. "This is the best part in here!"

"Wicked, Cats," Rachel pointed up to each individual show poster, each in their own lit display box. "Cinderella!"

Rachel looked back at Cassie, giving the dancer a pointed glare. _Mama's taking way too long looking at stupid baby toys._ She complained to herself. Having a baby tagging along with her mothers now made doing anything take three times longer than before.

Cassie looked up from examining what was called a bubble mower that toddlers pushed around. It looked downright ridiculous to Rachel, but Cadence was banging on the box asking, "Mine?"which made Holly, Cassandra, and April dissolve into a fit of giggles.

"Gods, she's just like her older sister, wanting everything," Holly teased. "And I bet you she'll get it."

"We don't want to spoil any of our children or make them ungrateful for what they have," Cassandra butted in, but she understood very well that Cadence likely hadn't had much in terms of actual toys back at home with her mother. Megan July treated even babies with maturity. Cadence was lucky, Cassandra reasoned to herself, if she even had her own teddy bear.

 _Well, another one on the tab_ , she decided, wondering if she was going to end up spending more here than she did on her and Shelby's wardrobe back at the other store and dry swallowing a little bit. They had quite a bit of money saved up and set aside for emergency situations and trips like this, but even with everything in the store being 50 or 75% off, it was all pretty expensive.

Finally, she and her best friends sauntered over to the section of the store that Rachel and Shelby were looking through. _Rach thinks she found the best part of this entire, 20,000 square foot building?_ Cass smirked to herself, wondering what Rachel could possibly be referring to and why it was the best.

"She's right, love," Shelby agreed, letting go of Rachel's hand to spin around and just take it all in herself. "Look at those glass cases. Those are the shoes for Glinda from the show. I am sure of it." she nodded her head positively, reflecting on a time where she saw them on a costar nightly.

"How did they get a hold of that, I wonder?" Cass remarked, shifting Cadence in her arms to keep her from putting her fingers on the glass. "Who did they bribe?"

"The costume department over at Gershwin?" Shelby guessed. "I mean, logistically they have more than one pair. I'm sure this display changes depending on what shows are popular at the time…" she spun on her heels and nodded her head to confirm. "That display over there is for Hamilton, and that Build-A-Bear shelf has options to dress the stuffed animals up like characters from Waitress, Hamilton, Wicked, Cats, and Phantom. They have quite the empire running here…and almost the entire store is on sale so we'd better stock up while we can, I suppose…" her face fell a little remembering what the store manager had told them on their tour. The toy store was closing soon and wouldn't reopen again until they could find another location in Manhattan.

"Mommy, why don't they have your Elphie hat?" Rachel asked, hands on her hips with an expression that showed her displeasure at what she felt was her mother being forgotten. "Everybody knows you were the most important character in the show." Rachel frowned then added, "I'm going to go over to the counter and ask him. He needs to put both in if he put one in he needs to put yours too."

Shelby's lips turned into a soft smile listening to Rachel sticking up for Elphaba. In truth, Shelby could see Rachel playing that role if she set her mind to it.

"Cool your heels, Little Star," Cassie had to fight not to laugh at Rachel's show of temper coming to the defense of the Wicked Witch and what the nine year old felt was a show of favoritism. "The nice man giving us the tour has no control what they put in the cases, his boss does. Besides that, Elphaba's original dress and hat are over at the Smithsonian Museum."

"Well, who is his boss?" Rachel pressed tapping her foot restlessly, "Somebody has to tell him he has to treat the two witches equally. Maybe in the same case since they were best friends and all. He could call the museum and ask to borrow it!"

"Got to love our kids' logic," Cass leaned over and whispered in Shelby's ear. "She has your passionate temper when she senses injustice." Cass cleared her throat and reached an arm around her wife, trying to put a clamp down on her libido. She could let those thoughts and urges reassert itself when they were not in the middle of a damn toy store. Shelby grinned cheekily and gave her wife a wink.

"You know my passionate temper has been getting the best of me, recently," Shelby whispered. "Maybe you should help me get it under control later." Cass knew how to deal with Shelby when she got this way, but throwing her in the shower and taking her hard and fast would not work in this situation. Not until much later at night, when the rest of the family was fast asleep. Instead, the dancer tried something she had been instructed to do with Rachel, during their family therapy sessions; whenever Rachel asked a question or put them in a situation that was uncomfortable or inappropriate at the time, it called for some redirection.

"Hey kid, what's over on that shelf?" Cass pointed, rubbing her daughter's shoulders much like she did with the older Corcoran when she got herself into a tizzy. "I wonder if we can find me over there."

"Oh, yeah! _Cats_!" Rachel remembered, starting towards the other end of the room at a run. Cassie slowed her down by pulling her shoulders back a little, reminding the young girl non-verbally that there was no need to run indoors. "Mama, I only see Mr Mistoffelees over here," she scrunched her nose, clearly disappointed. "I can't find anyone else."

"Well, honey, even though I was a main character I wasn't really the focus of the show," Cassandra pointed out. "But hey, there's a cat over there that looks an awful lot like my makeup did, yeah? Do you think we could make that work?"

Shelby marveled at her wife's problem solving skills. A few months before, the most contact Cassandra ever had with children was in a professional setting, during class or for a performance. Her newfound ability to communicate with children was astounding considering the woman didn't have the patience for adults most of the time.

"Let's find out," Rachel nodded, determined. She made her way to the shelf and pulled down the cat that Cassandra was referring to. It was a white-base cat with orange and black hair, frazzled and messy like the stuffed animal had an almost electric personality. "She does remind me of you," Rachel decided, picking it up and hugging it close to her chest. "Can I keep her?"

The question was innocent but the words together, "keep her" had reminded Cassandra of the first week Rachel spent with them. Her heart skipped a beat and she pulled her little girl in close, hugging her tightly. "Yes, Rachel. You can. You're keepers. Just like we are keepers."

. . .

Shelby kicked her heels off at the door of the apartment and her wife and family were quick to follow her lead, dropping their bags in the living room next to the couch as they started to settle in and get more comfortable. For Cassandra, getting comfortable meant taking off layers of clothing immediately, until she was walking around the apartment in a pair of spandex and a grey camisole. Shelby pulled her long brown hair up into a loose, messy bun and traipsed to the kitchen for a glass of water. Meanwhile, Holly and April moved to the large windows to shut all of the blinds. Rachel and Natalie were excitedly fishing through their bags of new goodies.

Cassandra swung Cadence up into her arms and was bouncing her back and forth with a fatigued smile on her face. Her little sister blinked wide, teary, similarly tired eyes and let out a big yawn, laying her head on her sister's shoulder. Cassandra put a protective, maternal hand over the back of Cadence's hand. "I know, Cady Bug," she whispered. "I'm tired, too."

"I think we all could benefit from a few hours of sleep," doctor April piped up from the corner of the room. "We've all been over-exerting ourselves. Cass, you especially. Tomorrow's a big day."

The way she said it caught Cassandra off guard. It was a "big day", as if it was her first day of college or a birthday. As if she was getting something tomorrow that she'd been expecting for a long time. She supposed that really, she was.

"Yeah," she agreed softly. "You're right."

Shelby offered up the half-empty glass of water she'd been nursing and Cassandra took it out of habit, knocking back what was left and shivering as the cold water entered her system. She hadn't been taking good care of herself, and it was becoming more evident as the day wore on.

"I think I'm going to take a shower first, though," she decided, carefully placing Cadence down into her pack-and-play and covering her with a soft, thin blanket. "Unless someone else wants to use it?"

Everyone shook their heads and Rachel and Natalie were too preoccupied with their new toys to acknowledge her. She nodded her head softly, placed a kiss on Shelby's temple as she passed her, and shut herself into the bathroom.

The air conditioned apartment allowed her to take her normal hot shower without feeling too annoyed or overheated. She double shampooed her hair to make sure all of the sweat and grease was truly gone, then let more than her normal amount of conditioner sit on her ends while she ran a razor over legs that hadn't been shaved in well over a week. All of this she felt like she was doing on auto-pilot, spacing out for long periods of time before switching to another task and losing focus again. She continued to adjust the water until it would no longer turn any further towards the back wall and it started to run cold. Making quick work of rinsing the leftover soap off of her body, she turned the water off and started to dry herself with a big, fluffy towel.

It was odd that nobody had come to check on her, she thought to herself, realizing that she'd been in the water for almost an hour. _Maybe they're over it,_ she rationalized. _I'd be over it, too. Or maybe they all fell asleep. Or maybe,_ she stared at herself in the mirror, fresh-faced but feeling almost as disgusting on the inside as she had felt on the outside before the shower. _They figured I needed the space. Holly has been unusually quiet today, maybe she's sick of me. I'm pretty sick of me._

She popped her head out of the bathroom to find Rachel and Natalie curled up on the couch, snoozing through the afternoon. Cady was still fast asleep in her makeshift bed, and Holly and April had presumably retreated to their guest room as well. The apartment was silent and dark, with little rays of light slipping through the sides of the blackout curtains as midday was very slowly turning to sunset.

Feeling drained, Cassandra stepped into the living room and placed a kiss on each little girl's forehead before slipping into the bedroom she and her wife shared and shutting the door behind her. Shelby was there, sitting up in the bed and staring out the window at the city skyline.

"It's still just so beautiful," Shelby commented after a few silent minutes between the two of them, her eyes glued to the monochrome buildings across the street.

"But never as beautiful as you," Cassandra whispered, hanging her towel up on the back of the bedroom door and not even bothering to put clothes on as she slipped under and covers and into their bed. She wrapped her arms around her wife and placed her head in the crook of her neck. "I know you miss it, sweetheart. You know we can move back here any time you want to."

Shelby shook her head with a sad smile and turned to kiss Cassandra's forehead. "We can't right now. We've got too much going on. April and Holly just moved in next door, the girls haven't even started to adjust…this apartment is too small for all of us, you know it. We're cramped now and we're only visiting."

Cassandra let out a long, slow breath. "But we would make it work, if it was what you wanted. You know that. We always find a way to make it work. We could sell the mansion and get a penthouse here."

"I know we could, love," Shelby nodded. "I know. It's just not practical right now. Not with everything else going on." she slid further down in the bed until she and her wife were tangled together. Cassandra removed Shelby's shirt and bra and discarded them on the floor beside the bed. She needed the intimate contact. "Maybe one day, we can come back," Shelby breathed out as her wife laid against her. When Cassandra started trailing kisses up the center of Shelby's chest, Shelby gently stopped her and placed a hand over her cheek. "No, no, no… no sex right now, love. That's not what you need."

"What do you mean it's not what I need?" Cassandra laughed half-heartedly. "It's always what I need."

"You need a clear mind. You need rest." Shelby argued, not unkindly.

"And what better way is there to clear my mind?" Cassandra protested, taking Shelby's earlobe between her lips.

"Sweetheart," Shelby warned. "Are you sure about this right now?"

Cassandra stopped her flirtatious antics and positioned herself to lay comfortably against Shelby. Shelby ran fingers through Cassandra's wet, tangled hair.

"So now that I'm gaining weight, you won't have sex with me?" it was an off-hand comment, but Shelby knew it was bothering Cassandra more than the woman made it seem earlier.

"Cassandra. Of course that's not why. You know me better than that," Shelby sat up a little straighter. "You haven't slept properly in weeks. I'm just trying to get you to ground yourself and get some sleep."

"Well I'm sure the stretch marks don't help my case, anyways…" Cass muttered, turning to face the opposite direction, though keeping the skin to skin contact with the woman she loved.

"Cassandra, please. You're pouting because I won't have sex with you?" Shelby asked softly, reaching for Cassandra's hand across the silk sheets.

"You know why I'm pouting," Cassandra said, curling her legs up towards her body.

"Cassie, honey," Shelby said. "Stretch marks are not the end of the world. You're going through so much right now, you have to let your body and mind catch up. Worrying about something so small is only going to stress you out more than you already are."

"It only seems small because it isn't happening to you, Shelby," Cassandra said pointedly. "All of the muscle I have from dance is turning to fat faster than I can snap my damn fingers."

"You don't think that maybe you're being just a little bit over dramatic?" Shelby suggested. "I have them too, you know. From Rachel. I know you've seen them…."

"White, faded, and hardly there anymore," Cassandra continued to argue. "Mine are bright red, smack me in the face every time I even glance in the general direction of a mirror, and what's my excuse? I was never pregnant. Yours are battle scars, mine are just there because I'm neglecting my health."

"Cassandra, stop it." Shelby said. "You're being too hard on yourself. It's a couple of pounds, you'll lose them again in no time and the marks will fade. You know that you are always my beautiful Cassie and I'll always find you just as attractive and athletic no matter what. Put those thoughts to rest."

Cassandra fought the urge to roll her eyes back into her head. "You know it's not that easy for me, Shelby."

There was a beat of silence. Shelby slid completely into the sheets and spooned Cassandra from behind, placing a soft kiss to the back of her neck. "I know, sweetheart. Let's just try to get some sleep for now, okay? We'll worry about everything else when we wake."

Closing her eyes tightly and letting herself melt into Shelby's embrace, Cassandra decided she was too tired to argue anymore.


	13. Family Values

**keeperofwords here: Another update shared from our muses to you. Not going to lie, this one was tough and parts of this have been written for some time it just took some time to get it all to fit together. Your faithfulness to this story and the Fragile Universe continues to inspire and motivate us to do our best jobs when we get these chapters out. It just takes time sometimes but my co-author and I love these characters and are committed to telling there story. Keep the faith after we get through this one. The next chapter will have the family having some fun.**

 **Hayley here: I cannot tell all of you how much your love and adoration for this story fuels me to keep pushing through. Even on days when I cry because I want to write so badly but I can't because my schedule won't allow it, I get your reviews asking us to keep going and it warms my entire heart. Thank you all so much for everything and especially, as always, for your patience. I've missed you and I've missed keeperofwords and I've missed our beautiful universe. It's been a very long academic year.**

 **Chapter 13: Family Values**

The building gave her the creeps. It seemed like a lifetime ago that the hospital had sent Monica's body to the exact same funeral home. Somehow the memory also felt so recently burned into Cassandra's mind that she was having nightmares again. She swore her parents being put to rest in the same place was just her father's way to get under her skin even after his death. This might have thrown her a curve-ball if she wasn't already so spent. She was, however, determined that her so called "family" was not going to turn the service into a social event where her uncle could smooze with the other rich bigots for campaign contributions in the next election. The only people who would have anything positive to gain from this funeral would be Cassandra and her immediate family. She couldn't care less about anybody else. She was taking control and would see that this funeral director was beholden to her. She was Cassandra July and she had not gotten where she was by being a slave to anyone but herself.

It helped having Holly run interference and pulling her uncle over to his dead brother's house in the guise of unlocking the safe that only he had the combination to. In truth, Cassandra didn't need whatever was in that safe. She just didn't want her family around any longer than they had to be.

Cassandra rested against the backseat of the limo for a moment and stared at the tall grey building door. The place was still stuck in the seventies, with grey paint chipping off the siding, and she could not get out of her mind that she had promised herself she'd never return. Her parents had no right to be rolled in post mortem, fancied up and cooed over when they'd caused Monica's fate and nobody had paid this much attention to her.

She had her lovely uncle to thank for all of it. He hated her as much as she hated him and Cassandra swore he was only pulling those strings to be nasty and put her in her place as a rich, democratic lesbian. She had more money and ultimately more power than he did, socially and politically, and that intimidated him. He was a sweet talker who could quickly drop the charm and switch to heavy handedness to get his way when needed. Evidently he had done so with the hospital before Cassandra had gotten to them, and she could only guess that it was her father's lawyer who called him.

 _Of course my instructions don't matter when a wad of money is waved in front of someone's face. They can all kiss my ass._

Cassandra had been serious when she told the hospital to just call the cheapest crematorium in Jersey, but her US Congressman of an uncle seemed to have more clout. The man had beaten her to the hospital because she had wanted some kind comfort and solace from her wife before she started running to sign papers that would release the bodies.

He had waited for her, all right, but his entourage was standing by the hearse with him. Her mother would have thrown a fit if she had been alive to witness it. His sniveling assistant, with whom he had an affair for at least two terms in Congress, was standing there dabbing at her eyes like she was giving the performance of her life on stage. The woman reminded Cassandra of Dolly Parton with her wig, boobs, and a glitzy wardrobe to match, though Dolly was much classier.

Before Cassandra could open her mouth and give her uncle Joseph and his play thing a strong piece of her mind, he had shoved a piece of paper into her hands.

"What the hell is this?" Cassandra demanded to know.

"It's good to see you again as well, Cassandra, I see you're faring alright during this sad turn of events. This is a document your father wrote shortly after Monica's death. I know you're in a fragile state right now, so torn up over what has happened, I wonder if you're stable enough to hold onto it for me?"

Cassandra bit the inside of her lip angrily. She couldn't dispute her father's handwriting, but she was almost positive that he was drunk when the document was drafted. The paper listed flowers, music, and specified who we wanted as his pallbearers.

 _You have got to be fucking kidding me._ Cassandra gave her uncle a once-over. _Even in death he's trying to run the show._

"I'm doing just fine, thank you for the concern," her words were so sweet she nearly watched her uncle's face melt off.

She gestured for him to walk forward and the met with the funeral mortician, who had been waiting for their arrival beside a couple of white hearses. Casandra had always hated the color white, and everything it stood for. Nothing in the world was pure, least of all human beings, but Milner and Sons was the most expensive funeral home over the bridge in the city. It catered to the rich and social elite as well as families who were guilted to treat their grandparents better in death than in life. White made her parents out to be martyrs, but any plans she had of renting the plain black van at "Affordable Cremations, Inc" had been wrenched away from her by her estranged family members.

It had been no secret to the press or anyone in Cassandra's circle that she was not close to her mother and father. They had hounded her for years of her life before she got the role in _Chicago_ , and although the consistent "fuck yous" of attention that she gave them were typically in private, eventually the press noticed that none of her family came to any of her shows. It seemed that hospital administration was more moved by the rich, close knit prick with the name Congressman July than by the tired, estranged daughter with the title: Cassandra July, Broadway Elite.

Anger served her better than grief to get through yet another meeting. Cassandra had no idea what her dear old dad had set up for himself and his late wife. She could only hope he had paid for everything because she sure hadn't been planning on it.

Cassie all but growled as she continued her walk into the building, casting an exhausted glance back at Henry who was waiting by the car. Horrid organ music greeted Cassandra as she stepped in the front door, escorted by her uncle and the rest of the funeral party. Cassandra thanked her lucky stars that Shelby didn't know how to play the organ. Piano was beautiful but the dark, heavy padding of organ keys grated on Cassandra's last nerve.

"God damn...wood paneling and velvet couches, poke my eyes out now," she grumbled under her breath as she made her way to the office. She knew she wasn't being entirely fair to Monica's memory. She had been laid to rest in the same place, after all, but her parents' arrival had already ruined that, just like they always ruined everything else.

"Ms. July?" a man's voice pulled her thoughts back to focus. She turned her head to look behind her. She had just walked past the owner of the voice, a man in a brown suit that she swore blended into the wood panelling of the wall.

"Corcoran-July," Cassandra quickly corrected the faux pas. He inclined his head and gestured forward so she followed him into what seemed to be a type of conference room. The room was small and dimly lit due to a severe lack of windows. The two of them sat at a large round conference table alone and it occurred to her then that her uncle and his crew must have fallen behind to attend to other details she was sure she would hear about soon enough. Suddenly, in this room, she felt incredibly small.

 _I should have taken Shelby up on her offer to come with me,_ she scolded herself. _But someone had to meet the shopper to get all the baby stuff set up in the apartment as well as that trundle bed for Rachel. I didn't need a home office anyway. I don't do business here anymore. Ohio is our home now._

"Ms. Corcoran-July...are you listening to me?"

In all honesty, she had not been listening. He had lost her completely when he started talking about the staff of the funeral home and the families of various stars that they had served. She wasn't sure what he was trying to prove, she had already been roped into doing the funeral at his parlor so he had nothing to sell to her anymore.

 _Gods, the man smells like Bengay._

"So, I was saying," brown suit spoke up again. "Your parents pre-paid with us years ago, back when your sister unexpectedly passed."

 _Unexpectedly my ass_ , Cassandra thought to herself, forcing herself to keep her lips in a straight line instead of a frown. She settled for keeping silent and nodding along with the conversation, going through the motions.

"So there is very little for you to have decide on at this time," brown suit carried on and on.

 _Great, so then what the fuck am I still doing here?_ Cassandra resisted the urge to drum her fingers on the wooden table.

"So they paid for all of their specified arrangements?" Cassandra confirmed. The dancer was not going shell any money for them out of her pocket. If she had to, she was willing to go the house and pawn her mother's jewelry or sell their furniture to pay for it.

"Oh yes, they paid of our deluxe package, but we always offer the family the opportunity to step up to the prime package," the director pushed. "Knowing how much your family must have meant to you, we want your grieving process to be as comfortable as possible-"

"Absolutely not," Cassandra said, shaking her head. She wanted to say more, feeling absolutely offended that the man even suggest such a thing to her. As if her parents even deserved what they were getting. _It's sad when you have to pay for your own funeral arrangements because you know your daughter wouldn't willingly show up, let alone arrange it herself_. "My father always knew what he wanted and once he made up his mind there was no changing that. Honestly, Mr…?" she fished for a name.

"Vanderbilt," he offered.

"Vanderbilt," she continued, resisting the urge to roll her eyes. "I would much rather be focusing on my orphaned baby sister."

"Of course, I understand perfectly and you both have our deepest condolences. You can trust us to see to your father's instructions." The director shifted in his seat, looking over the notes on his clipboard. "I do need a decision from you regarding a closed or open casket at the service-"

"Closed." Cassandra answered quickly, her voice low as she sat up straighter and squared her shoulders. "I dislike the idea of people parading past them and commenting on how good they look." she cleared her throat and gave the director her best Cassandra July glare. "I also have to think about my baby sister and my nine year old daughter. I don't want to upset either one of them any more than they already are."

"Alright then. It seems that your father's personal assistant has already brought a suit for your father to be changed into. Could you provide us with something for your mother?" he asked the question carefully, knowing he needed to tread carefully around this woman. He was used to having to pass family members tissue boxes, but Cassandra July had a ferocity in her eyes that he dared say looked more like anger. He did not want to push his luck with her and he could tell she was already on the edge of a psychotic break.

"Listen, Mr. Vanderbilt, I have not been to my parents' house in years and I have no plans to do so ever again," she spoke in a low, deep tone that was rarely used. "My mother and father both had stylists. Send one of them over. They can coordinate my mother's dress with whatever suit was chosen for my father."

The funeral director's earnest expression and quick nod caused her eye to twitch. This man was taking such a trivial detail so seriously. _God it's all about images all the damn time._ Cassandra pulled at the collar of her shirt, feeling like the air conditioner was doing nothing for the room. "Get one of them to get a picture for the coffin and for the table with flowers or something."

Cassandra leaned forward, glancing down at the stack of papers the man had given her. "Let me make myself very clear to you, - before any pictures of my parents or my sisters or myself are placed out, they must be approved by myself or by Ms. Holly Holliday." The last thing she wanted was for her family or the general public to marvel at "family" pictures and make their situation out to be something that it wasn't. It was going to be bad enough to have to sit through the farce of a service, listening about how happy the family was and all of their wonderful memories together. The fake smiles in the pictures would be too much to take.

"Well your parents were also very active in their church," the director looked at his file once more, as if he didn't have the information memorized. "I have already spoken with the pastor's office and we are a go for the day after tomorrow. He has a christening and a different funeral tomorrow, but he can do Thursday at 10 am. The governor's schedule was also too full for him to have attended tomorrow, according to Joseph."

"Well we _must_ work around the governor's schedule, _mustn't_ we?" Cassandra growled under her breath. The whole service was nothing but a spectacle for society and it made her absolutely sick. "I am sure my uncle Joseph has been in touch with dad's colleagues in the state senate too."

"Oh yes, there is a guest list, actually," Vanderbilt said.

Cassandra wasn't surprised by this, but she was highly annoyed. She was sure also that there were some relative who would come sniffing around to see what was left to them in the will, or ask to get into the house so they could scout out what they wanted to claim and take home with them.

She ran fingers through her hair roughly and fingered her wedding ring, spinning it in circles on her finger and focusing on her wife. Shelby's soft smile always calmed her down and in this moment she needed to be calm enough to finish this.

"Well, now," Cassandra said, crossing her legs in front of her. "Are we done here? I need to get back to my little sister, wife and daughter."

"Of course, Ms. Corcoran-July," the director said. "And any memorials in your parents' name will be put in a trust for your sister's welfare and the Human Rights Campaign, as your mother specified."

 _Human Rights Campaign_? _Why is that mom's. charity of choice?_ Cassandra questioned as she walked out of the office and out of the funeral home, glad to see Henry still waiting on her. _Father would have wanted donations to be given to the Republican Party or something equally white privilege. Donating to the Human Rights Campaign was probably mom's last big "fuck you". I'm sure father is furious down in hell._

 _. . ._

Cassandra stood at the back of the room, her arms folded over her chest. She glanced up at the clock on the beige wall and let out a heavy breath. People would start arriving soon-extended family that hadn't seen Cassandra since she was little, people who didn't approve of anything she stood for, and those who naively believed her parents died as good, moral human beings.

Her heels clicked across the freshly polished floor and she picked up a picture of her mother that sat on a little table beside the guest book. The woman's ash blonde hair was pulled into a neat bun and the pearls around her neck glistened as white as her flawless teeth. Cassandra narrowed her eyes and refrained from sneering.

"Goodbye mother. Have fun in hell." Cassandra swallowed hard and slammed the picture frame back down onto the table. She didn't bother looking at the picture of her father. She had nothing to say to him.

"Cassie?" she heard her name from across the aisle and it jolted her, her body tensing.

"Shelby," she turned around, her jaw set and her arms still crossed.

Shelby looked effortlessly beautiful. She wore a simple black dress with a long silver necklace and plain black pumps. Balancing on her hip was Cadence, whose wide eyes stared up at her older sister, imploringly.

 _Did they hurt you, too, little one?_ Cass found herself wondering, feeling desperate. _Luckily you're so young you won't remember if they did…_ It was a horrible way to think about it, Cassandra knew, but she also did not want the third and final July sister to be haunted by those memories her whole life. The scar on Cadence's forehead was finally starting to heal. _I'm sure those aren't the only scars those assholes left on you._

"What can I do?" Shelby asked tenderly, skipping the obvious underlying, " _How are you holding up?"_

Cass shook her head and stepped forward, placing a kiss to her wife's temple and pulling her baby sister into her arms. Cadence squirmed, turning herself to face the picture frames.

"Mama," her arms waved towards Megan July's pristine photo. She ran a hand through Cassie's hair, as if trying to get her attention, then turned her arm back to the picture. "Mama!"

"I know, Cadence." Cassie sighed. "That's Mama."

"Mama?" Cadence repeated quizzically, expecting to see the woman come out from behind the doorway.

"She's not here anymore, Cady." Cassie pulled the little girl closer. "It's just us now."

. . .

"Gods, the organ sounds worse than the ones they use in the wedding chapels in Vegas," Cass whispered under her breath so quietly that only Shelby and Holly to the sides of her could hear.

"True. That organist may be as old as Liberace, but he lacks the sense of showmanship," Holly commented back, trying to keep the conversation light for her best friend's sake. Banter

was Cassie's coping mechanism, and when laced with sarcasm it was even better.

"Well, the choir director could pass for a forty-something Elvis," Shelby added, tipping her head to kiss a nervous Rachel on her temple. The nine-year-old had been uncharacteristically quiet all morning and since arriving to the church she had not let go of Shelby's hand. Her brown eyes darted to the television crews that were camped out in front of the doors. The only thing she'd said to her mother all morning was, " _I don't like churches, Mommy."_

 _Of course she doesn't like churches,_ Shelby thought to herself. _And here I am dragging her to the biggest damn church in the state._ Most any other time, Shelby would have given herself permission to wallow in some guilt for being a bad mother. Rachel wasn't at a point where she could comfortably be in a place like this, but Shelby knew there was nothing she could do about it.

At the present moment, Shelby was busy trying to keep Cadence from trying to take off her black patent shoes and flicking off her socks which were a size too big on her. In the process, she glared down one of Cassandra's old, shrewish great aunts who had tut-tutted at the row of lesbian sinners with their self righteous indignation. In an odd turn, it had been Cassandra who had kept Shelby from teaching Rachel a new slew of expletives.

Unlike Shelby, Cassandra kept her eyes straight ahead, not giving her blood relatives the respect of even meeting her eyes. She had written them off a lifetime ago, just as they had done for her. They were not her equals.

The only person she had any intention of keeping contact with was sitting on the row with them. The reunion she had with her aunt was one of the unexpected bright spots in this so called clusterfuck of a "family get together". Cassandra locked eyes with her aunt across the row and offered a soft smile. Melissa returned the smile and mouthed a "we'll talk".

The service passed with agonizing slowness and Cassandra felt as restless as Cadence was acting. Her stomach flipped thinking about dealing with the family member and about whatever conversation Melissa wanted to have with her. Cadence was all but ripping the pages out of the Hymn book that they were singing from. Between that and the load of shit that everyone was shovelling in their eulogies, Cassandra was beginning to rethink her decision not to speak in the service.

Cassandra disengaged herself and let her mind wander to her wonderful wife beside her. Shelby's body the night before had curled into her and been her warmth, as Cassandra had been feeling so cold despite the hot New York summer. Shelby, as her constant, shared loving glances, brushed her hand across her back, and provided a soft smile and " _I love you"_ as a crowd of fans, photographers, and hateful relatives gawked at them. They made her feel like she was under a microscope in the throws of her family tragedy, but Shelby promised her it would all be over soon.

Her lack of focus helped her pass the time, because Holly had to punch her in the ribs to get her attention to stand up. She had zoned out through the caskets being carried from the building, and she wasn't too upset about that. Now the family just had to follow to the cemetery. There, she could both physically and mentally bury this chapter of her life for good. At least that was what she kept telling herself to get through the day.

She stood up, taking Cadence from Shelby while Shelby wrapped her arms protectively around a pale, withdrawn Rachel. Stepping into the aisle first, Cassandra led her family from the church with her estranged family taking up the rear behind them. She was so focused on keeping one foot in front of the other that she almost missed her wife's gasp. She stopped abruptly when Shelby's hand reached up and grabbed her upper arm, tightly. As inconspicuous as possible, Cassandra found Shelby's eyes and tracked her line of sight to an area in the back left corner.

Nothing. The dancer saw nothing, but Shelby's expression told her that couldn't be true. As quickly as it had happened, Shelby gently guided Rachel between the two of them and then started moving forward again, brushing off the encounter completely.

Cassandra knew better than to bring it up, at least for the moment, but she would not let it go all together, either. That night when they were alone, after the kids were asleep and their friends too busy to notice, Cassandra would have Shelby to herself and ask her what was going on.

. . .

The migraine in Cassandra's temples was strong and sure, refusing to go anywhere anytime soon. She swallowed hard from her third bottle of water, keeping her hands occupied.

 _Maybe if I keep this bottle in my hands, I won't wring Aunt Julie's neck._ She clenched her jaw. The older woman's voice screeched like a suffocating parrot. It grated at Cassandra's nerves as they sat in a reception hall to share a final family meal together.

"A tragedy, quite the tragedy. It's a good thing I reminded Megan to write out a will in case of an emergency. It's just a shame that she didn't choose to place poor Cadence in the hands of someone in the family…"

Cassandra's look of boredom sharpened to one of disgust.

"I am part of this family." She felt Shelby's hand tighten around her waist in warning. Luckily, Cadence was preoccupied with Holly at a table nearby and didn't notice her older sister slowly start to lose her sanity. "In case you've forgotten, I'm the closest thing to family Cadence has."

"I was worried that you had forgotten that yourself, Cassandra." Julie said, waving a passive aggressive hand in her direction. "Considering you didn't even know she was alive."

Ed, Julie's husband, raised an eyebrow in her direction. Although she wasn't usually so outspoken, he didn't dare correct her. Besides that, he agreed with what she was saying. So, it would seem, did the other estranged relatives who had started to form a cluster around their table, as well as a few nearby who turned their heads.

Cassandra bit hard at the inside of her cheek, crafting the words in her head carefully. _This isn't the place to get into it,_ she tried to talk herself down, but an angry little girl deep down inside of her fought back. _Then when is?_

"Well, what about Monica?" she asked. She could hear Shelby's exasperated breath next to her, but she'd already started. "Is she part of the family?"

"Now, Cassandra," Ed started, but a distant cousin, Josephine, butted it.

"You really can't compare the two-"

"Why?" Cass challenged, her heart racing. Though her eyes were wide open, she could see black in them. Her vision cleared as she continued, forcing her voice to be steady. "I left for the same reason she did."

"Cassandra, what happened to Monica was a tragic accident-"

"Tragic?" Cassandra's tone jumped and the entire hall went silent. Shelby's grasp tightened and Cass could feel her wife's concerned glare at the back of her head. Even Cadence stopped what she was doing to look over at her older sister. The loud noise had frightened her. "Oh, yes." Cassandra's voice lowered to a deep, dangerous tone. "It was tragic."

"We all know your theory, Cassandra, there's no need to open up old wounds…"

"Honestly, I question whether your mental health is well enough to care for the child-" Julie started.

"Well thank the gods above that it isn't up to you," Shelby cut in, her tone a dagger in the woman's spine.

 _That's my girl,_ Cassandra smirked internally.

A series of arguments broke out throughout the hall, and Cadence let out a wail at the noise. Holly rocked her, consoling, but Cadence wasn't having it.

Upon hearing her baby sister's sobs, Cassandra shoved through the angry crowd of relatives and reached for the child, covering her head with a protective hand and holding her close to her neck to muffle the sound. A single tear slid down Cassandra's cheek. She felt overwhelmed and tired, and knew there was no point defending herself to these people who could never understand or handle the truth.

"My mother was a _terrible_ role model," Cassandra's tone cut through the rest of the room, putting the other conversations on hold. "But regardless of her lack of character or inability to show compassion, she knew exactly what my father was doing, and she knew it was wrong. For the same reason she gave Monica and I extra layers of clothing to wear and sent us to karate lessons; for the same reason she bought us chamomile lotion and took us to the beach house without him. For _that_ same reason, she chose me to be Cady's legal guardian. She knew I was the only person who could _ever_ understand her, or listen to her, or protect her." she said the words through gritted teeth. "Which is a hell of a lot better than any of you fuckers ever did for me or Monica."

"None of you have any right to talk about Cassandra's situation," Melissa stood from across the room. "How dare any one of you say a word against her or about her, and how dare you have the nerve to even think that you have a right to condescend her. If you aren't going to try to support and understand her, you shouldn't even be at this god forsaken funeral in the first place. None of you are here for her or her beautiful family, so honestly? Fuck all of you."

Cassandra smiled gratefully at her Aunt Melissa and wiped a tear from the corner of her eye.

"Melissa you've always been just as melodramatic as our little lesbian Cassandra, perhaps the two of you deserve each other?" Julie suggested, turning her nose up at the women.

"I should be so lucky to have Cassandra in my life," Melissa shot back at her with fire in her eyes. "She and her wife are wonderful, and they're fantastic mothers."

"I wonder how you define the word fantastic?" another family member called out. "Corrupting young minds and spreading their gay agenda?"

Cassandra laughed maniacally, tilting her head back and closing her eyes to take a deep breath before she did something she was going to regret.

Rachel pushed herself up from the wooden folding chair she sat fuming in against the wall. She had watched the scene unfold for long enough. Adults yelling and making each other cry was nothing new to her. Lies on top of lies of how a good a really bad man was, was something she had witnessed in church before. The church in Lima was much smaller than this one, but it was a church just the same. A place where people are supposed to be good and honest and try to be better versions of themselves. None of the people that Mama and Cady were related to cared about each other. The ones that were married didn't seem to like each other very much, either. Mama's nice Aunt Melissa was being whispered about all day; They were saying very rude things and calling her bad names.

Rachel had mixed feelings about Cady. The little baby had changed up everything and her mothers were paying more attention to her than they did to Rachel a lot of the time, but staring at the coffins today made her realize that Cady's mom and dad were dead. They were like cold stiff and in the ground dead. Cady had seen her mommy's picture and cried out for her. The whole situation made Rachel mad. Seeing both Mama and Cady in tears was all that Rachel could stand.

"You! And you! And you, and you," Rachel crawled on the ground between the crowd gathered around her mama, mommy and the baby. "Go! Get out of here! You made Mama cry and that was bad enough. But then you made a little baby who just lost her mommy cry so you need to leave. Mama's aunt is the only nice family here. And I personally know a police officer and all I have to do is call her and she can get you arrested for being so mean! It's called harassment!" Rachel stood on her tip-toes to make herself look taller and she bounced up and down on them, not finished with her rant. She looked away, dismissing the ones she had pointed out to zero in on the ones named Ed and Julie.

"You can't have her. Cady is not a thing. All you know how to do is make her cry, and you didn't really like Cady's mother very much because you said she was a terrible wife and mother!"

Rachel ignored the gasps as well as her Aunt Dee and Auntie April's snickers.

"I've got not one but _two_ aunts who are lawyers, and you won't come anywhere near Cady and Mama because we will get a "strain" order on you!" Rachel tapped her foot impatiently in a total Shelby-like mannerism as her brown eyes flashed, waiting for those she had chastised to do as instructed.

"That's my girl," Shelby whispered into Cassandra's ear, wiping a tear out of her own eye. _I am so fucking proud of her._ There was something to be said about "Out of the Mouths of Babes", or in this case precocious, sensitive, dramatic, loving nine-year-olds. _Gods, hasn't this been a twist to the day_. The whole room was completely silenced by the one and only Rachel Corcoran- July.

Once everybody had backed off, Cassandra turned to her wife and pleaded that they go. Shelby tried to logistically figure out how they would be able to get out of there, considering it was technically her and Cassandra's responsibility to clean the hall after the funeral was over. "We could maybe arrange for someone to-"

"I'll help you clean up afterwards," Melissa had pushed through the crowd to get to her niece. "Fuck all of these people we're supposed to call family, I'm considering calling the police and having the place cleared out."

"We can't do that," Cassandra shook her head, her voice trembling. She was so incredibly tired. She turned her head up to look at her aunt. "Can we do that?"

"We can do whatever you need us to do, Cassie," Holly cut in, reaching an arm out and wrapping her best friend in an embrace. "You've been through enough."

"I just want to sleep," Cassandra said. "For a whole year. Maybe more."

Rachel jumped up, her arms up high, trying to get her mama to pick her up. Cassandra did so and cradled Rachel in her arms. "You can't do that, Mama, Cady and I will grow too much and you'll miss it."

Cassandra smiled and kissed the tip of Rachel's nose. "And I could never let that happen, Little Star." she promised. She felt Shelby's hand rest on her back and she made eye contact with her aunt once more. "I appreciate everything you've done. Thank you."

"Of course, Cassandra. I'm sorry I wasn't here for you sooner, but I am now. Anything you need, name it and it's done."

Cassandra communicated with her eyes that she was very grateful, then took a slow, deep breath. "I just really need to get out of here."


End file.
